Sunday, July 31, 2011

Watch Your Step

This is a great video for a society that is becoming more and more immoral.

And I'm not talking about breastfeeding. Sheesh.

It's kind of funny that I had to switch my safety mode in youtube to "off"
to be able to watch this.

I guess we are already watching our step around here.

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Don't quit.

Whenever I want to quit blogging,
I watch this.

When hateful anonymous commenters
(who may or may not be mentally ill)
tell me I have no business on the internet,

I think of Lucille Ball, The Beatles, Ulysses S. Grant, Michael Jordan,
Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, and Abraham Lincoln.

You see they had haters too,
but they believed in themselves
and kept trying.

Who do you think about in times when you need to be reminded not to give up?

Friday, July 29, 2011

At the field.

In Utah,
being at the field,

Thank you Rocky Mountains.

Thursday, July 28, 2011

My man is the master.

Besides his amazing patience with my blogging,
(somebody at his work was privvy to all the boob drama
and said how sorry he was - sorry LG - so sorry)
one thing I love about my husband is his love for music.

Not only can he quote every lyric written by any Beatle,
he can also tell you just about any artist
when asked to Name That Tune.
He's amazing.

He plays the piano.
He plays the saxophone.
And he can play the harmonica.

Compared to this guy, LG doesn't play at all,
but I don't think he has any plans of going to Carnegie.

My hubby also plays a little google.

Check it out.

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

My husband loves his moobs.

Abigail thought she was being clever to shorten the name for LG's manboobs to moobs.
Little did she know that the term is already in use everywhere.
Surely she hadn't ever referenced the urban dictionary.
I guess it's an easy combination to conclude.

Here is a funny story just for my sister in law Meagan
who has missed the old me while I was caught up in too much drama.

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Hate it When

Don't you hate it when your hubby comes home from work

and says

Wow, you've had a rough blogging day!
Do you want to know my opinion?

You are being petty and angry.

And today you acted to the antithesis of what you want your blog to be:
entertaining, light-hearted, and fun.

And you know he's right.

I hate it when he's right.

And then I don't even want to let him give me that hug that I really want and need,
because somehow he has just become the enemy too.

Breathe Alice.

This too shall pass.

And I can't be too upset that my husband is so smart.
Somehow that reflects good on me.
And let's face it, I need all the kudos I can get right now.

I love you LeGrand,
just as soon as I get home from Pack Meeting,
I will be ready for that hug.

Boy, my life sucks right now.
Blogging smackdown and Pack meeting all in one day.

At least it is raining outside so I don't have to water the lawn.

There's always a silver lining.
And I am doing something right by teaching my kids that
because the other day when Abigail took out her load of lights with inkpen all over everything, do you know what she said?
At least it wasn't my whites.

And she was right.
And she learned that from her mom.
Her mom that was too emotional today.
And too sensitive.

And yes she gets that from me too.
Thank goodness she also has the genius genes from dad.

Wow, there's nothing like life tragedy to bring out the desire to write.
Anyone else have something to dish out?

Growing thicker skin

I am not taking the advice of my good friends, and bowing out.
Thanks for a great post Wayne.

My brother told me to grow thicker skin or get a new hobby.
Will be contemplating which one will work best for me.
I am pretty certain I am not going to quit blogging.

So I will probably be googling how to grow thicker skin
At this point, I still don't regret sticking up for myself, not one bit.

But ask me how I feel tomorrow.

Dear Big-Time Bloggers, Screw You

Dear Big-Time Bloggers,

I just got done reading a post by a big-time blogger that was all about me. Of course, she never took the opportunity to tell her readers that she was talking about me, but the post was all about me. Heaven forbid she actually give a little blogger any positive feedback? She may lose some of her loyals.

You see, I was stupid. It won't be the first or last time. I ignorantly shared a link with her about a silly little post I wrote about breastfeeding. I had no idea she was a big-time. I was just doing what I do...using the internet as my corridor to a world where there are other adults.

Is google taking over?

Google Plus. Everyone wants to know about it. Here's what I think.

I am a bit nervous about technical writing. I am not techno-savvy, as evidenced by my Top 10 Commenter box to your left without any commenters in it. Every widget I found on the web just won't work right. Does anyone know if this pipe place is just a scam? All the code I have found uses pipes and not a single one of them actually work.

I'm a bit worried that I may look this stupid in the techno department. (O.k. I don't think I am that stupid thanks to my husband who just realized that I had the wrong link oops)

Monday, July 25, 2011

Sooo Tennessee.

If this photo wasn't taken in Tennessee,
I would be very very surprised.

Looking at this photo,
I can't help think back to the beginning of our journey in Tennessee,
when I helped LG write his entrance exam for law school.
And remember when I confused Juris Doctorate for John Deere.

I wasn't born in the South, but I got there as quick as I could.

Project Straight

Aunt Renee thought it would be fun to straighten Caroline's hair.

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Church in the ToyBox

Today, I will be attending church,
like I have every Sunday of my entire life.

I am sure I will learn something.

I am sure I will laugh a few times.
Mormons can be so funny.
Even the world-wide leaders have great senses of humor.

I may even cry. I often do.

I will make too many comments in Sunday School and then feel bad that I did.

I will miss my friends from Tennessee but be grateful for the new ones that as members of the same church were here to welcome us with open arms, as soon as we arrived.

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Friday, July 22, 2011

July Visiting Teaching

I guess I am really putting myself out there with this project. You are all going to know what day of the month I get around to my visiting teaching. 

 This month's message is about the temples of God.

Hole in One

Dear LeGrand,

I want you to know that I count every one of my memories with you as sacred.
I wouldn't be whole without them
and I don't ever want to live without you.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

I am white trash and I can't be burned.

I am white trash.

I have admitted it before.

I teach my kids about it.

I get all giddy inside when I find reasons to think I am not as white trash as I thought.

I have bragged about embracing it.
Thanks to all ya'll in the South, who helped me get there.

Wednesday, July 20, 2011

Oh Neville.

Here is a lesson for every teenager out there.
Don't ever get down because of the haters,
they will more than likely be ordinary
while you will rise to the occasion.

Harry Potter can dance

I love surnames for boys' names.
I once told my husband, "Awww, wouldn't Potter be such a cute name for a boy?"
"Sure, Alice, if our last name wasn't Gold."

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My Husband Loves Boobs

I remember having a conversation years ago with a lady about breastfeeding etiquette. She had whipped it out in sacrament meeting and I was a little astonished.

"Isn't that why we have mother's lounges in every church?" I prodded.

Monday, July 18, 2011

My love affair with THE Wal-Mart

How anyone living in the 21st century can avoid shopping at Wal-Mart is beyond me?
If you have found the secret, do tell.

Friday, July 15, 2011

Baby, You're A Firebolt

If you love Harry Potter and funny videos.
This is a must see by BYU divine comedy.

Edward Diggory and the House of Fashion.

Pinterest is pretty cool.
My boards are still under construction
but there are plenty more to enjoy.

Pinterest is where you find funny things like this:

Harry Potter kicks Edward's trash any given day.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Biking As A Family

We have been doing a lot of biking in the past few months.
Can I tell you again how much I love
Utah's sidewalks?

Tuesday, July 12, 2011

This One's For the Boys (and Men)

The other day we were getting lunch ready
and I told Sophia to go ahead
and cut herself some cheese
from the big block of Cheddar.

(You already know where I am going with this, don't you?)

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Magic We Call Harry Potter

Recently, when pressed on the issue,
I decided that
is my favorite word.

It describes how I feel about the love I share with my husband.
It perfectly defines anything that is too cool to be described.
It is the noun that says how I feel about my kids.
Is it one of those cool words
that is not only a noun,
but a verb too!

I magic'd on over to her house in two seconds flat.
While playing basketball, he magic'd around the other player, all the way to the hoop

Months ago, two of my magical children
decided that JK Rowling
missed a few vital spells
when she wrote her masterpiece Harry Potter.
How she missed these in all seven books of her series I do not know.
But without further delay,
it is time for all the spells to be known.

And because I am so looking forward
to my upcoming Harry Potter extravaganza
I find it a perfect time to share:

Freeze a Thing
Polka Dot A Kus
Dogga Loc Us
Go Away Kus
Go To Sleep Us
Throw Up Ist
Zip Lips (You know with this mom, they need this one every day)
Water Cause
Fire Cause

Doggalocus is my favorite.
Here is one of my kids' favorite YouTube videos of all time:

Just now, while watching the video
Me to Abigail:
Why do you think Dumbledore is naked?
Abigail: (laughing)
I don't know, because he is gay.

Yes, we are all about the magic around here.
We know every bit of Harry Potter trivia known to mankind.
And, we even make up our own.


What's your best attempt at a vital spell?
I was thinking

Oh, and I need your opinion?
Should LG and I dress up like

Arthur and Molly Weasley?

Vernon and Petunia Dursley?

Or maybe
LG could be Vernon
and I could Molly.
Oh the scandal, we would be at the party.

Sunday, July 10, 2011

Just The Way You Are

If no one has told you lately,
please let me
say that
you're amazing
just the way you are.

And even more cool than
me thinking that you are amazing
is the fact
that your
Father in Heaven
thinks you are even more amazing
than I do.
And He thinks that
you're amazing
just the way you are.
In fact, he created you,
just as you are.

No matter what you've done wrong,
or what burdens you carry,
or what weaknesses you have,
you are amazing.

Just the way you are.

I cannot watch this video without crying.
It's simple truth.

Some people may look at you and just see disabilities,
but they don't get it.
Life is about seeing people's abilities.
Because when we can look past people's struggles,
we will see that
everyone is amazing
just the way they are.

Saturday, July 09, 2011

Gardens and Guns, Such a Perfect Combination

Happy Saturday to all my friends, but especially those of you in the South.
I sure do miss you all.

Here is a gem that a friend in Nashville caught on camera at her local Publix.
She is about to move back to California and had to document such a random magazine.

I think it's not totally coincidental.

How did they know that while growing up in Tennessee, one of my husband's favorite pasttimes was shooting crows that were in the garden?

And they made a whole magazine about it.
And there have been multiple issues.
Only in the South.

Hope you all get some weeding done today.
And then pull out your guns for some real fun.

Oh man, I miss my home in the South.
Except for the bugs, and the humidity, and the lack of sidewalks.

Friday, July 08, 2011

School of Hard Knocks

I am not totally sure my husband is going to be o.k. with this post.
Which means, you should definitely keep reading.

As many of you know, LG's law practice was a huge trial of our faith.
LG was able to help a lot of people and do some amazing things,
but it never paid out like it needed to.
In fact, The State of Tennessee was so bad about paying
their court appointments, that many times we waited over 6 months
for LG to be paid for his work.
That is 6 months, after he submitted his claims.
When you do juvenile work,
your cases can drag on and on and on.
So he would work on a case for years sometimes
before he could even submit his claim for payment.
And then after he submitted,
we would wait and wait and wait.
I e-mailed the governor about this travesty twice.

It just seemed wrong that the State never had any trouble
paying out their welfare, food-stamps, and Medicaid,
but when you were a hard working attorney
living with no health insurance or food stamps or welfare,
and had four kids to feed,
the State would turn their back on you.
Must be a bunch of Democrats.
Maybe that isn't fair to say,
but I feel like saying it.
Government is flawed people.
Even if you are a Republican.
Government will never run as
efficiently as the private sector.

But really,
it is just wrong.
My husband busted his tail every day,
lived with humongous amounts of stress,
taking care of hundreds of clients
who had more than he did.
Because even though they were on drugs,
and beating their spouses,
and abusing their kids,
and didn't work,
they lived off the very same government
that refused to pay out the dues that my husband had rightfully earned.

Anyhow, looking back there are a lot of things we would have done differently,
but what is the use in looking back?
Ultimately, we know we prayed and got revelation in our lives
for what we should have done, and we did the best we could.
God's will is important to us.
Even if it isn't important to you.

So, LG was forced to close his practice.
We had no income for months.
Guess what?
Our credit got screwed.
Much like a lot of other Americans out there,
we are pretty much starting over.

Which is another trial of our faith.
On a daily basis.
But I am grateful every day that LG's employer
offered him his current position.
It's a great job
with a quarter of the stress.
And it comes with
health benefits, a consistent paycheck,
and people who appreciate my husband
on a daily basis.
So life is getting better every day.

But, there is always the flipside to the coin.
Yesterday, I heard back about that second interview.
You are going to cry for me
when you hear what I was told.

I basically had the job,
but was denied for one reason,
and one reason alone.
My credit check.

Doesn't that seem like a Catch 22?
I decide to get a job,
to help my hubby dig us out of the hole,
and a company that I have already given
much reliable service to
decides that I am not reliable enough
for an entry level position
(a lower position than I used to hold)
because of my screwed up credit.

The craziest part, is my credit is not
screwed up because of anything that I personally did.
Unless you want to count the fact
that I did my best to support my husband
in doing what God told him to do.
I've been a stay at home mom
for heaven sakes.
Didn't you read that on my resume?

For eight years,
we scraped by on nothing
while raising kids,
seeking education,
giving church service,
and community service,
and running a law practice that helped the less fortunate.
And it all came crashing down.
Right on top of us.

So, what do I have to say?
Your loss NuSkin.
I still love you,
but I think you are very narrow minded.

And last night
I cried a little bit
while telling friends that
I just have to continue to put my trust in God.
Because I know He will consecrate
all my heartaches for my good,
if I let Him.
And He will sanctify me
in my trials.
And He has to have something better out there.

Even if it was just that
I could cry with friends,
buy and eat a $4 piece of chocolate cheescake
without an ounce of guilt,
and watch Glee re-runs all night.

It was amazing.
I gave myself permission
to be bummed
for just one day.
And I woke up this morning
feeling totally cool with it.

I don't know why I am willing
to air my dirty laundry like this
out there for the whole world to see,
but I think it's because
posts like these
are usually the ones that resonate with
my readers the most.

And if every company out there
won't hire me because our credit
got screwed during months of
I might as well be as honest as I can on my blog
because it may be my only chance at making  a little money.

And if I tell you that I have hope
because of Jesus Christ,
it may give someone else out there
a little hope too.

Screw you Corporate America.
Screw you Government America.
Watch me make money
with Google AdSense.
It's the wave of the future.

I am not going to tell you
to click on an ad
because I signed a contract that I wouldn't
and after this post
it would just be pathetic.

I am going to apply for a job
with every single one
of NuSkin's competitors.
And I am even thinking about sending
this link along to the founder
Blake Roney.

Just because
I am a fighter.

How the heck do you think I am still surviving?

Now - the soundtrack plays in your mind -
It's a hard enough life for us.
It's a hard enough life for us.
No one cares for you a smidge,
when you're in an _____________.

Feel free to fill in the blank.

Thursday, July 07, 2011

The Abbey Road Show

We had the great privilege of witnessing
the Abbey Road Show
in Provo
last Friday, July 1st.

Local Provo artists
covered the songs from 
The Beatles' 

And they were

I think it was on my facebook
on our way home from the concert
that I said that they were better than
the original.
And I meant it.

You know how we are
I would never say that 
The Provosts 
were better than the original

Ryan Innes was my favorite.
Go and check him out.

It was the most amazing concert
I've ever attended.

And if the whole concert wasn't good enough,
guess how it ended?

Me snuggled up to LG
watching 3 of our 4 kids
rock out
to our favorite
Hey Jude.

The song was awesome.
And then as if God was
putting his own stamp of approval
on the experience
(as it was an experience,
not just a concert)
fireworks started going off all around us.

I won't lie.
I teared up.
Quite possibly,
this concert made my
Top 10 

And guess what?

At the beginning of the concert,
before very many people had arrived.
I walked right past 
that CJane
and I didn't even say Hi.
Because she is too good for me.
And I am not giving her the time of day.

And I didn't want to 
sound desperate like the other girl
who was saying,
"I know you don't know me,
but I have a blog,
and I follow yours religiously."

CJane's response:
"Oh, don't we all know each other?"
Oh really then?
Why don't you return my e-mails,
if you know me?
Huh? Huh?
Not all bloggers are created equal.
And LG says my best revenge
will be to get a greater 
Which I will do.
And when her 5 minutes of fame are over
and mine are happening,
I will show her how to be nice,
and I will return her e-mail.

Oh yeah,
back to the
most amazing concert.
I will give it to CJane
about her rooftop series.
Best concert of all time.

Even if I am pretty sure that the
people who set up for the concert,
set up chairs and blankets in
any good viewing spot of the stage
early in the day
I won't hold a grudge.
As we could hear the music, 
and that is all that matters really.

We were maybe number 50-55 to arrive
and there was not a single place to
lay out our blankets  
where we could actually see the stage. 
boo hiss!

But really - 

Paper lanterns.
The NuSkin towers' reflection
of the mountains.
Hoards of music lovers.
The Beatles.
Amazing musicians.
Perfect weather.
dancing together
What else could a girl
ever ask for?
Not much.
Except a returned e-mail.
Or five?

Enjoy the photos.

And if you have never listened
to Judicial LG's version
of Hey Jude.

You must head over now.
So bad
and hilarious.

(You can forgo CJane's write-up and just go here for the video of the Hey Jude experience)

Artist Cherie Call.
She was 
the opening act.

There she is.
It's the best picture I could get with my little camera.
Like I said,
even though we arrived plenty early,
the only spots left
were in the back.
Waaaaay back.

The kids loved the street vendors.
Caroline wanted a doll really bad.

Caroline can't wait for the music to start.

She's got her dance on.

Oh, and do you remember the people watching we did last time?
And I told you that LG and I have a hard time understanding up to date fashion?
Check out this guy's butt.
I have no idea why he thinks that skinny jeans can be worn like a gangster.
We got shot after shot of his underwear throughout the night.
I wonder if he would even care
if he knew we were checking him out.

Glad we had something to make us laugh
while we were waiting for the music to start.

Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Mini Mommy

Lookee here.
Caroline is evidence
modeling works.

She blogs.

She talks on the phone.

She puts her baby to bed with a bottle.
(I have to wonder if 
she will put her toddler 
to bed with a bottle too?)

She wears lipstick.
She walks around the house 
in her underwear.

I'm so flattered.

Tuesday, July 05, 2011

Don't miss the fireworks.

So, on Saturday night at 10 pm, LG and I were walking out of the temple.
Yes, this temple. How amazing is that?

From our view up on the hill, there were fireworks going off all over the valley. It was absolutely breathtaking.

LG informed me that The Stadium of Fire would be happening any moment. For some reason, in my mind, I thought that it was going to happen on the actual 4th.

I decided we should hurry home and find a spot to watch the fireworks.

To my dismay, when we got home, the kids had no interest whatsoever in breaking away from the TV.

I pried their bodies and eyes from the tube, and made them pile in the car. I was not about to miss the fireworks, especially after this post.

As we drove down State street (Utah Valley's version of Knoxville's Kingston Pike) I was overwhelmed by so many US flags lit up along the road. The patriotism of Utahns is not only efficacious but admirable. People either love America here or they display their stars and stripes to compete with all the other businesses. And by all, I mean ALL. Everyone has a flag. Everyone.

The kids were grumbling during the whole drive.
Why do we have to do this?
We don't want to watch the fireworks.
Let's just go back home.
wah wah wah.

I told them to keep their eyes on the flags and to sing along.
I started loud and strong:

This land is your land, this land is my land....nothing but my voice.
Oh beautiful, for spacious skies....again, nothing from the back seats.
She's a grand old flag, she's a high flying flag...."Shut up, mom."
God bless America...."Really, Alice, do you have to sing so loud?" said quietly by LG so the kids wouldn't hear; I'm assuming he didn't want to totally stomp on my love for country.
I'm proud to be an American....(even louder than before)

By this time the kids were all horrified and hating their mother and her motherland.

And guess what? By the time we got to Provo's end of State from our northern end of Orem's State, all we could see was traffic. The traffic was heading towards us, not with us.

Yes, I hate to tell you, Murphy's Law is still in full effect, and has no respect for a nation's holiday celebrated two days early or a very loud and song singing patriotic mother. We had missed the fireworks.

More grumbling, complaining, and whining ensued.

LG and I were not about to miss a good opportunity for teaching our kids.

Me: "Knock it off you guys, at least we still live in a country that has firework celebrations."
LG: "There are a lot of kids in this world that would die to be in this car right now."
Me: "Or to even have a car."
LG: "Or to have a mother."
Abigail: "Not if their mom sang like that."
Me: "Especially if their mom sang like that."
LG: "Yeah, think of all the kids out there that don't live a country where they have mothers." (O.k. I just made that up.) I think he really said, "You should be grateful for a mother who can sing, and cook, and do laundry."

Abigail: "At least parents in other countries would be smart enough NOT to drive their family into the middle of the traffic jam, especially when their family missed the show."
Me: "Well, at least there are other Americans with cars."
LG: "And at least your mom can see in the dark and drive."
Bella: "Mom, STOP!" (I admit it I barely missed that car in front of me.)

Anyhow, the conversation went on for a bit. And there was no chance of it stopping.
[In fact, it can still be happening if you want to comment what your best line would have been to the kids.]

Quietly, ever so quietly and with her Gold sense of perfect timing, Sophia chimes in. She must have looked up from reading Harry Potter for long enough to gather her sisters' desperation for winning at the "Be glad you are American" game.

What does she say?
Brace yourself.

"Man, I wished I lived in Canada."

Seven words. That's all it takes to make a total complete disaster of an evening all worth it.
Good one Phia. Good one.
Average Americans should really consider more than 2.5 kids; they make everything more fun.

I told the kids that if they would sing their favorite patriotic song at the top of their lungs, then I would indeed STOP.

Abigail was loud and proud. I wonder where she gets that from?
"I'm a yankee doodle dandy. A yankee doodle, do or die."

I am sure that all that traffic surrounding us was so grateful that they didn't miss the real entertainment of the evening as I rolled all windows down.

And If I do say so myself those frostys from Wendy's were the perfect consolation prize for everyone involved. Nothing like good old American food.

And when the song Firework came on the radio. I promise you, not just momma was singing. Even dad got in on the falsetto. Perfection, pure perfection.

We didn't miss a thing. The fireworks had been going off in our car all night long.

And guess what? Utah loosened their firework laws this year. We can now shoot off 150 foot rockets from our very own neighborhoods. And on the real 4th of July, the sky was lit up in every direction we could turn. Our culdesac of fire was a billion times better than their Stadium of Fire. Fireworks in the sky on all four sides, coming from everywhere.

God bless America.

Monday, July 04, 2011

This land

This land is your land, this land is my land
From California, to the New York Island
From the redwood forest, to the gulf stream waters
This land was made for you and me

As I was walking a ribbon of highway
I saw above me an endless skyway
I saw below me a golden valley
This land was made for you and me

I've roamed and rambled and I've followed my footsteps
To the sparkling sands of her diamond deserts
And all around me a voice was sounding
This land was made for you and me

The sun comes shining as I was strolling
The wheat fields waving and the dust clouds rolling
The fog was lifting a voice come chanting
This land was made for you and me

As I was walkin' - I saw a sign there
And that sign said - no tress passin'
But on the other side .... it didn't say nothin!
Now that side was made for you and me!

In the squares of the city - In the shadow of the steeple
Near the relief office - I see my people
And some are grumblin' and some are wonderin'
If this land's still made for you and me.