Friday, February 29, 2008

I was wrong.

I rarely admit it, but because two people so kindly corrected me, I kind of have to let you all know that I am better informed now.

It wasn't Alaina that does the impressions. It is Kady Malloy. Here is her you tube from last night.

The good news, now I am not at all bummed that Alaina is gone...maybe we will get one more good impression from this girl before she goes. :)

American Idol Results

I was at the church last night for a visiting teaching conference and so I missed the results show.

Our Zion's Army was a lot of fun! In TN, it seems that we have a hard time getting sisters out for stuff like this. The conference combined two wards and there were still only about 30 women there. The ones who didn't attend really missed out. The food was great and so was the company. Our army training workshops were also a lot of fun!

I checked out the results this morning on american I was pretty confident that my favorites weren't going anywhere.

I am pleased with America's choices, but I am a little sad about Alaina...I think she has potential...I hope she will start her own impressionist talent show in Vegas someday..her impressions are amazing, and supposedly her singing is too, but unforutnately, she was never able to pull it out.

If I were on the show, I would rather be booted now than later. I mean really, why prolong the misery if you have no chance of winning anyway? And, that, ladies and gentlemen, proves my competitive spirit.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

lisa way!

Look at what Cally got for her birthday...We are all so jealous!

Really, Cally, you should have let Lori get one first, she was the one to tell us about lisa leonard. But, I guess you can't control the best sister ever. Can you ask her to share her love language with us on our next birthdays? (LG, I know you are reading...FYI...I just read this page and I think I would love any love language you want to give:) I'm not picky, I'll take whatever it is you want to give....a gift of value, a date, a massage, words of affirmation, whatever, you are so good at all of them)

Speaking of lisaleanord, check out her latest post about her sweet!

How safe is your neighborhood?

My sister sent me this link. You can type in your address and find out exactly how close convicted sex offenders live from your home.

I really wish I wouldn't have looked at this, but I am glad to be informed that I have one directly behind my back fence!!! Scary! I guess the kids will not be playing outside without me this summer! It's lookin like it's time to move. But, with how many squares were on this map in the whole city of Knoxville, it is looking like it may be time to buy a gun and move out to the country.

Man, Shannon, I thank you for informing me, but I really am not going to be happy with my loss of sleep! Why do have to do that to me? You know how anxietal I am.

Vintage Brooke White

Brooke White again

Here's a more interesting version of Brooke White's Beauty shool drop-out story.

Not so molly Mormonish! and much more entertaining.

I really think that it is going to be between her and David Archuleta at the end...we shall see.

For Rachael

What, no channels? Here is what you missed!

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Brooke White's back!

So, I was nicely surprised...the Mormon nanny came back strong tonight. I loved her version of "You're So Vain". I love that song and her version was definitely up to par. I especially loved the attitude she showed in singing it directly to Simon.

This picture was from last week, when her performance left me hoping for me. (They haven't posted from this week yet) I have to say that I am way happy that she is keeping with the LDS modesty standard. I am sure the pressure is high to strip off those clothes. She looks and sounds so great, hopefully she won't succumb to our sleazy society.

LG loves her because she isn't one of THOSE contestants that has to put her fingers up to tell you which number to call in. (That is so annoying)

And, tonight, we find out that she plays the guitar, too...the girl is way too talented. She sings, plays guitar and piano, and she can do hair. I really do love her voice.

Even, if she is a molly Mormon.

C'mon, how interesting is to have gone to beauty school? Can't she find something more interesting to talk about? I know she says that she has always been a "good girl" but do they all have to be so boring....maybe she should join the blogging world and get some ideas for future interesting interview topics.

I am waiting!

Kristen just barely saved her healthy blog from being banned!

You other slacker blog rollers beware. I am looking for someone to fill her spot on my "post or be banned" category!

Driving in the UK

This makes for my official english ed & et #5. I am surprised that the possibilities still seem endless.

Here is some interesting automobile vocabulary.

In England, the UK, or Britian (whatever you want to call it) they don't have gps's, they have navsat's. (short for satellite navigation) - I just tried to link navsat to Mike's post, but he has disappeared! (what's up with that Saxon?)

Here are the words Mike commented to me before he dissapeared from the net: (Mike, please come back)
trunk = boot
hood = bonnet
gas = petrol
transmission = gear box

A garage has three meanings: 1- the part of your house for the car, 2- the place you go to have your car fixed (we use that term sometimes) and 3- the gas station...go figure for that one. I have no idea why they don't call it a petrol station.

They call a four lane highway, a dual carriageway.

Their MOT's are what we would call our car's yearly safety inspection.

And, if you ever get sick of the traffic in your United State town, just start reading Saxon on a regular basis and you will get to read his repeated English traffic frustration!

WOW, someday I am going to need to take a vacation overseas so that I can use all of my new vocabulary, or maybe we should all start a revolution, and start using all of these words, all of the time in the United States. I think this will make us sound so much more sophisticated.

David Archuleta

For my feelings about last night's AI performances, go to Paula's quote on Kristen's blog.

California Dreamin, again

I have done this exact thing before, multiple's quite amazing to swim with the dolphins!

Thank you to Margaret Dillon for the e-mail forward. I have no idea if this photo has been edited or not, but I thought it was worth sharing because I know it is possible. I have fond memories of being in the ocean at the same exact time as at least 6 dolphins.

Growing up in California just 2 miles from the beach had it's definite perks. Swimming with dolphins is one of the greatest. It is a breathtaking experience and makes you feel like, even though you are just such a miniscule part of the great earth, you simultaneously are an important part of all of God's creations. It is almost the same feeling you get when a specific prayer is answered.

We live in a beautiful world!

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Where will they visit?

I thought this was a funny joke. And much needed after my post about funeral processions.

This joke further supports my idea of my children going on with their lives after I kick the bucket. I hope that by the time I die we can talk about my girls going to Bloomingdale's twice a week instead of the Dollar Store or Walgreen's to get some candy.

An elderly woman from Brooklyn decided to prepare her will and make her final requests.

She told her rabbi she had two final requests.

First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Bloomingdales.

“Bloomingdales!” the rabbi exclaimed.“Why Bloomingdales?”

“Then I’ll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week.”

Hey, she's not a princess!

I took this What Disney Princess are you quiz. I found the quiz on the blog of my newest blogging friend, Chrys Solomon...go and check her out...she is fun to read. I think that this is the girl from Hercules. I guess this would make LG Hercules...I think that is just perfect..He is such a stud!

You Are Megara!
Image hosted by

Charming and witty. You are always the first person to come up with a wisecrack. Sure, you have an attitude, but that's why people love you. You keep them on their toes. Sometimes you can be misleading, but always end up doing the right thing for the people you love.

Which Disney Princess Are You?

Really though, how perfect of a description is that of me? SO PERFECT!!! I guess it's all good, I never really wanted to be a princess anyway...don't quite fit in that category!

To blog or not to blog...that is the question.

Kitty Bear likes to watch me blog.

Sometimes other moms will say to me, almost in a derogatory fashion, "I don't know how you find the time to blog so much." Sometimes I get a little sensitive and wonder why they don't just say, "Why don't you do more laundry or spend all your time with your kids?"

I usually just reply with , "I love to blog and so I make time for it." I mean really, why can't moms do things that they love, and why can't they support other moms in doing things that they love, even if it means neglecting their never ending chores sometimes? I think I have just decided that my new reply will be, "I don't know how you find the time to clean and micromanage your kids all day without going crazy."

Sometimes, when I want to blog, I justify it by knowing that it is at least more productive that crawling back into bed. That is what I want to do this morning. Believe it or not, blogging actually will get one more load of laundry done today. When I am done here, I will actually be awake enough to take a detour through the laundry room, even if I do park my tired body back on the couch. I swear I will never get over this is as if I could sleep for a week straight.

Besides, if I didn't ignore my children once in a while, they would never have time to do something like this! Look at what they accomplished with just a little neglect. You know I wasn't really paying attention when they pulled this one out. If I wasn't blogging, this would have been put to an end at once. And, if I wasn't a blogger, I wouldn't have grabbed my camera to record it either.

You see, blogging is a really good thing for me and my posterity.

So, what I am really trying to say: I think it is healthy for our kids to have some down time without as much micromanagement....when I support my creative bug, I also support theirs...and this is a good thing, even if the result is a little devilish!

As you can tell, I don't have much to blog about today, so here is my quote of the day:

"I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult." ~ E.B White

Monday, February 25, 2008

Award Winning Tap Water?

Do we really need another reason for California to be better?

Again, HuckaBEe Gone

It looks like SNL must have been inspired by my Romney campaign slogan. No wonder why he wouldn't listen to me months ago. I will give him a tidbit of credit for having a sense of humor though...that, or a really hip marketing specialist.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Funeral Processions

After getting an e-mail from Karie about a funeral procession that honored a fallen serviceman, Spc. James M. Kiehl, I decided to take Kristen's advice (read it under the comments from my lemon post) and I googled the story. (Thank you for the forward Karie, I loved it)

I mostly googled it because I thought that the story was so sweet, I had to know if it was really true. Is there still such humanity in the world? According to the forwarded e-mail, it occurred in TN, and I wanted to be so honored to be surrounded by these good people.

Here is what I read about on Snopes. (an amazing site where you can check the origins of internet garble) So, the touching story is true. Spc. James M. Kiehl was killed in action, and the people of his hometown really gave him a true hero's goodbye. The community members lined the streets from the service to the cemetery, standing in total silence with their hands on their hearts and waving flags.

I would like to add my personal moment of silence in thanking Spc. James M. Kiehl for his ultimate sacrifice. How can one put in words the true gratitude they feel for their freedom that is won every day from the sacrifice of another family's son/husband/brother/father?

Now, I would like to tear into the person who saw it fit to change the original e-mail. (which I am sure was not Karie) The part that so perplexes me was this sentence: "There is a lot to be said for growing up in a small town in Tennessee." (compare this sentence to the original from the link above - "There is a lot to be said for growing up in a small town in TX") This story didn't take place in TN, but in TX. Why would anyone really feel the need to put their own state in there? As if this story wasn't just as good if it happened in TX. I think that sometimes Tennesseans have a little bit of an inferiority complex. Can't we all just be happy that the good people of TX can honor a man as good, if not better than us?

I know that the people of TX honored this man better than I did some person who was buried in Kingsport a few years ago. After reading Laura's recent post about Southern traditions, I was reminded that I am not totally Southern. In fact, after I tell you the following story, you may wonder if my husband is either.

The first thing that came to mind after reading Laura's post that if to be truly Southern, you have to appreciate the lack of sidewalks, I will never be Southern. I so miss sidewalks. In California people actually get out and walk, just for fun. You can't do that here without worrying that someone will run you right over.

The other thing that Laura mentioned about being Southern is the ability to stop on the side of the road for any funeral procession. So, (Alice, focus, off soapbox, back to story) years ago LG and I decided to sneak away and catch a movie. It was a last minute decision and we found that a movie we wanted to watch was starting in just 15 minutes. It takes 10 minutes to drive from my in-laws to the theatre. We said goodbye to the fam and ran off. My in-laws live out in the country and you have to pass a cemetery on the way.

We were cruising along, glad to make it to the movie on time, when all of the sudden, we spotted a funeral procession ahead. There was a line of about 30 cars. Lucky for us, they were just turning into the cemetery, and they were lined up on the opposite side of the street. We thought and discussed that because they were so close to pulling in, we would be safe to just keep on our merry way. We thought very wrong. The front car (the hearse) decided that he needed to teach us a lesson. He yanked the wheel as to spin his car out in front of us while simultaneously flipping us the bird.

All I could think about was the poor deceased soul in back of the hearse. The decease's driver seemed more concerned about these strangers on their way to what would be their only date in months than the person who may just come tumbling out of the back when he jerked the car like he did.

Now, you can all call me insensitive. And, LG and I both may need some lessons on funeral etiquette, but really, I don't expect anyone to stop or get out of the way of the car that is taking me to my resting place. I especially hope that the driver of my hearse won't pull out any offensive gestures in front of my posterity. Really, what good would it have done for us to just stop there? Did all of these people expect us to just stop in our tracks as they all so very SLOWLY pulled into the cemetery? It's not like we needed to get out of their way.

I very much respect the deceased. May they all rest in peace! I have even volunteered beautifying cemeteries before, multiple times. I just don't think that we have to pull off on the side of the road to show respect, and that, my brothers and sisters, makes me a Westerner. It is just so hard to give up that fast paced life sometimes. Really, when I am dead in a casket, I truly hope that strangers to me will go on living their lives as usual....especially if it means they don't have to miss the previews!
And the quote of the day: You are alive. So live. ~ Tomi Miyasaki

Sophia Speaks

Sophia can by shy, although she is overcoming it a little at a time. Playing soccer has been great for Sophia, as well as her friend Allie, who I recently posted about.

The other morning, I took all the girls to their dentist, Dr Bo. (I will have to blog about Dr. Bo another day - LG always teases me that I have a crush on him - not true - but, he is just so cute with the kids - not to mention nice to me when they have cavities - Are there any other moms out there who just can't forgive themselves when their kids have a less than perfect check up?)

Anyhow, on with the story. On the way from the dentist to the school, Sophia noticed that LG and I had not packed her a lunch. She started crying and begging me to take her home first, so that we could get her a lunch. I said, "Sophia, I don't have time to go home, and they are having nachos at the school today and you like those. Just eat the nachos."

This sentence again was replied with the saga, of which we've heard at least 10 times since the school year started. "But, mom, they always put chili on the nachos and I don't like chili." I replied the same way we always do, "Just tell the lunch ladies that you don't want chili." The thought of actually speaking to the lunch ladies was too much. Sophia started crying again. (This child must take after her father, I just don't get her fear of people. It's no wonder her father never formally proposed...that is just too much pressure!)

So, when we got to school, I decided that I was going to put an end to the nonsense. Sophia's grade would be eating lunch in just 30 minutes. I told her that we were going to take a detour through the cafeteria to talk to the workers. She froze and planted her feet as to permanently attach her shoes to the piece of tile that is in the middle of the hall adjacent to the school's office! I said, "Sophia, this is ridiculous. It is their job to feed you. You don't have any problem asking me to tell every McDonald's worker that you want katsup only. C'mon, I am going to show you how easy this is."

I dragged her into the cafeteria where all the workers were sitting at their big table enjoying their last bit of a break before the kids came stampeding. There was no need to get their attention. All 8 workers were staring at me as I held Sophia in place. Sophia would not look anywhere but her feet and was squirming to get away. I said, "I am sorry to bother you, but this is my daughter Sophia. We just got done at the dentist and I forgot to pack her a lunch. Sophia loves nachos, but it a little nervous about asking you to leave the chili off. Is this something that someone could help her with today?"

Sophia was mortified. The head cafeteria worker didn't quite get the seriousness of this situation. She stood and as she walked over in our direction, she replied, "We have to give her the chili, it is federal regulation." (C'mon lady, work with me here.) I must have given her the perfect look of desperation. After staring Sophia and I down, she said, "But, we can put it on the side." I said to Sophia, "Do you think you can ask this nice lady to put it on the side?"

Only silence followed. The lunch lady wised up and said to me, "Whose class is she in?" I told her. She said, "Don't worry, we will help her today."

I walked away, dragged by Sophia's eagerness to escape. She was trying to keep her crying under control. I sat down with her as she tried to creep away. All I could do was hug her and tell her that I was trying to help her, not embarrass her. She kept repeating, "Just let me go to class, mom."She finally broke my hold, and as she ran off to class, I hollered, "I love you Sophia, have a great day, and enjoy your nachos."

I cried on the way home and called LG. I was plagued with the question as to whether or not this fiasco was even worth it. LG assured me that I did the right thing and told me that because I make Sophia face things that are so overwhelming, she will be better in the long run. For once, I didn't totally believe him.

I was left wondering all day as the whether or not it was worth the trouble. After school, Sophia got in the car triumphantly. (I immediately thought to myself that I was the best mom in the world) I asked Sophia, "How did lunch go?"

Sophia replied, "It was great mom, they had a bunch of trays with the chili on the side already. I didn't have to ask." Well, I have to admit that this was wise of the lunch ladies (easier than staying on the lookout for the wreck of a kindergartner named Sophia), but I felt a little sabotaged. Where did the cafeteria workers leave my lesson? Didn't they understand the depth of the execution?

A few days later, I took the kids to Wendy's. (We love Wendy's, here is another funny story about it.) As Sophia shouted from the back seat of the van that she wanted a hamburger with katsup only, I turned back and announced, "I am sorry Sophia, I am a little too shy, I don't think that I can ask the Wendy's worker for katsup only." Sophia thought that was the funniest thing she had ever heard and responded with, "Mom , you always ask them for katsup only", and almost as an afterthought she declared assuredly, "And, you are not shy." After I ordered as directed, I reminded Sophia that talking to the lunch ladies should be as easy as it was for me to place that order. (Not that the additional pep talk would do any good, but a mother has to try)

Sometimes parenting is so futile. I guarantee that the next time we are going through the morning routine of, "For lunch you have a choice between teriyaki beef bites, peach and cottage cheese, or you want to buy?" Sophia will automatically respond with, "I want to take, please."

On a side note, because this post is about Sophia speaking: Sophia gave a talk in church today. She was so cute as she repeatedly said "The Dr. of Covenants".

Saturday, February 23, 2008

For LG

I hope you never change.
I like you just this way.

You are mine,
my best told secret.

I pray for all your dreams
to be achieved.

And when you get there,
you'll still be mine.

I will remember you now.
And, somehow, I will love you more.

To the man of my dreams and the keeper of my heart.

Extra Extra... all about it.

It seems that has finally just fixed it's spellcheck feature!

Yahoo, I will no longer look illiterate.

Maybe it's been a good thing?

Can you believe that I spelled illiterate right the first time?

Mac N Cheese Topic #1 - Staying Positive?

We started our More than Mac N Cheese mom's brunch at the church a few weeks ago. I will give Cally 95% of the credit for the cute name of our "club" and 100% credit for the cute flyer above. My 5% comes from the fact that I was the one that got the ball rolling with, "C'mon Cally, think of something, I am thinking along the lines of More than....more than something like PB&J."

Most people haven't seemed to enjoy the name as much as Cally and I, but when it takes off nationwide, we'll show them! :)

Anyhow, the brunch club is a way for the stay home moms to get together and talk about something besides which cartoons are the best and where to buy the best bargained clothes....o.k. it really is the whole point of the gathering to talk about stuff like that, but, hey, the perk is in the food....what's better than mac n cheese? Just about anything when you are a mother of a toddler!

At the first brunch, we determined the monthly topics for the rest of the year. So feel free to give me feedback! If you can give me one good thing to say, I will seem smart and I won't even have to waste precious blogging time researching the topic. Good plan, huh?

March's theme: How to stay positive.

Well, obviously, this would not be my strength. My blog used to be subtitled "I'm a Cynical Housewife" FYI cynicism is the polar opposite of staying positive. My mom got upset with the word cynical in my blog title and I really have been trying to work on my crummy outlook on life, and so I changed my blog's subheading a while back. Now, if you hadn't noticed, I am just "not your ordinary" housewife instead of cynical. WOW, that little change on my blog has already made me so much more positive. (And if you haven't heard, the new wave in blogging is to italics things when you are being sarcastic.)

So, now, the true reason for the post, the quote by Ronnie Shakes summarizes my current contribution for next month's topic:

I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking and then I
thought: What the hell good would that do?

Do you think the ladies will be offended by the H-E- double hockey sticks? I can't leave it out, that word just makes the quote so much better.

My 2 cents to add to the quote. Like Shakes, I don't think we learn about being positive from reading a book. The thing that is the most helpful in keeping me positive: humor.

And they say that humor is rooted in tragedy. Wow, my life is looking more upbeat already.

The Edited Flu

Lori chronicled the flu of what seemed to be her whole blogroll. (that's how bad this flu has been, or maybe there is some way we have all been passing it from between keyboards?)

Cally (if you link, scroll down to #2, couldn't get the piknik post to work) inspired me to give you this edited picnik version of the flu at our house.

What does a woman do when she is supposed to rest, her husband is studying for the bar, and they cancel two days of school?

No prob..."Children, you have free reign of the TV, toys, and the snack cabinet. Yes, those 4 boxes of fruit roll ups are not only yummy, they will keep you alive and semi-healthy." (If you add in the gogurts and dry cereal, they almost get every food group.)

Yes, they wore those pj's for two days straight. Sophia has been really into keeping up with her new "days of the week" panties that she got for Christmas. Last night I told her that she needed to change out of her pj's before she went to bed. This is what I hear Abigail exclaim from the bedroom, "Sophia, you are still wearing Wednesday." This statement was echoed by Sophia in between her fits of laughter.

My mother-in-law will be so stunned...she thinks that I am the clean underwear nazi. I don't know where she gets the notion, except for the fact that I always pack the girls double underwear when they go to her house. I once said to Faye, "I am not an underwear nazi, I only make them change their undewear daily. How often did your kids change their underwear?" She never did answer me.

We are now in the beginning stages of clean up. I have found at least 50 piles of wrappers that look just like this. Maybe we should clean up after the bar, what do you think?

Thursday, February 21, 2008

The Cable Guy

LG was a little concerned when his pants felt a little tight this morning.

Maybe we should go on The Larry the Cable Guy diet.

He brags in this article that now that he is down 50 lbs, he is down a whole Olsen twin!

Yeah, that is funny!

Sidenote: he blames his initial weightgain on the pregnancy of his wife. Sorry honey....those babies just like to pack on the pounds. (If it makes you feel any better, I think that Larry the Cable Guy is sexy...I like a man with some meat)

The Sabbath

Deuteronomy 5: 14 14 But the seventh day is the sabbath of the Lord thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, nor thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thine ox, nor thine ass, nor any of thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates; that thy manservant and thy maidservant may rest as well as thou.

As Mormons, we take this scripture literally. We do not do anything on the Sabbath that requires others to work: eat out, shop, or any type of recreation. It is a frequent debate between members about how elaborate of a meal should even be made on a Sunday. Some people seem to think that even cooking a roast is too much work.

This strict Sabbath Day observence is sometimes hard for our children to understand. They understand that God has asked this of us in the Bible and our kids love God but, they just don't get why no one else around them seems to care.

All of our kids have had to miss out on a lot of birthday parties, but none was as hard for me as the one that Allie celebrated last month. Allie is Sophia's best friend. Allie is riot; we just love her. Sophia, being the shy kid that she is, just loves Allie; and Allie being as outgoing as she is, is a wonderful influence for Sophia. Sophia has proudly exclaimed repeatedly since the 2nd week of school that Allie is her best friend. I have never seen a happier child than Sophia when she brought home Allie's birthday invitation to the ice-skating rink. My excitement for Sophia being able to participate in the simple joy of life we call the birthday party was shattered when I referred to the calendar and saw that it would take place on a Sunday.

So, what did we do? We took Allie out to McDonald's after school on Friday instead. [ALL kids love McDonald's] We blew out a candle in her kids' meal hamburger and had ice-cream. Allie opened her gift and then, to pass time before we had to go back to meet her mom, we walked around K-mart and got some clearance Christmas candy. I guess this made an impression enough because yesterday when I took the girls back to this K-mart that we don't frequent, all Sophia and Bella could talk about was the day that we had brought Allie there. "Remember, this is where Allie hid. This is where we chased Allie. This is where we found the candy that we got with Allie."

So, I guess I dodged another birthday party bullet. Phew.

On another Sabbath day note:

On Sunday night, LG went to the Stake Bishopric training without me by his side to attend the simultaneous Wive's Training. I originally typed this post on Sunday evening, but according to my hubby's counsel I toned it down before publishing it.

As LG was leaving the meeting, he saw a friend of ours. He asked her what I had missed from the women's meeting when she asked where I was. LG told her that I had taken courage from a talk today in church. The regional rep's wife talked about resting from our labors on Sunday and when LG got home from church I explained to him that his calling in the Bishopric is one of my greatest labors. I was resting tonight! I needed to be home with my kids, not take them off to a sitter on Sunday. (If I am to be totally honest, I would have preferred to have LG home with us too, but I can't control him or his desire to attend his meetings)

Our friend told LG that the wives' meeting was about righteous selfishness. (I still don't think this is exactly the correct term) The friend explained, "The jist of the meeting was that when a woman has a husband in such a busy calling, it is o.k. for her to act selfishly sometimes if it is to meet the needs of the family. "

LG replied, "Oh good, I guess it was o.k. for Alice to miss this one. She's got that one down. In fact, she is practicing that right now."

Yeah for me: I am a great Sabbath Day keeper! Yes, I do a lot of other things wrong, and I may even receive criticism for my choice to not go to the meeting. But by golly, I am teaching my kids that the Sabbath is the day for a family to worship together, not to go to parties or be carted off to the sitter.

Domonick's back!

I just read this story from my Wierd news RSS feed. It talks about a cat who bolted away from her owner on a trip to the vet 3 years ago. When the found cat's microchip was scanned he was taken back home.

LG refused to pay for a microchip for our cat. I understand his cheapness, but I wonder if he was changing his mind during several of my sleepless nights that we couldn't find Kitty Bear. One night when she was a baby I stayed up all night and cried when she wandered away.

I went all around town putting up lost pet signs the next day just to have my neighbor across the street come rushing over to tell me that she saw the sign down the street and her daughter had taken the cat in for the night. (My neighbor is a HUGE animal lover - I could have kissed her)Kitty Bear had been meowing at the wrong door. Yes, she is smarter than that now. The only time she gets lost now is when she slips into someone's dresser drawer for a good warm night's sleep. But, man I was a wreck. LG had the nerve to say, "Man, Alice, what will you act like if anything ever happens to one of our kids."

But, between this story, my previous post, and thinking about Kitty Bear I have been reminded of our cats growing up. I cannot tell you how many cats we had growing least 20. The funny part: we always thought it was the same cat coming back.

We would always exclaim, "Mom, mom, Domonick's back."

My brother had named our first black cat with one little white spot under his chin, Domonick (after Dominoes). Of course the cats would disappear from time to time. (Wouldn't you want to escape from a family with 7 children?)

We were always a little sad whenever our cats would go missing, but to no avail. it would turn out o.k. when another black cat would show up...I guess black cats with little white spots must be quite common because I am sure that Domonick could never survive the surrounding wild infested with coyotes. Or did he?

Manx cats have no tails.

I thought I would post this joke in honor of our Manx cat, Kitty Bear, who slept on my chest throughout my night coughing on the couch two night's ago. Thanks to jokesfunny.

Animals in a Bar

There’s these animals in a restaurant. The waiter comes over at the end of the night …

The skunk says ‘Don’t look at me, I haven’t got a scent’

The duck says ‘Just put it on my bill’

The cow says ‘You’ll have to ask one of the udders’

The deer says ‘I had a buck last week and I’m expecting a little doe soon’

The giraffe says ‘Well, I guess the high balls are on me then’

The frog says, “I’ve got one greenback”

The vampire bat is thinking, “Which one can I stick for the drink today?”

The snake says, �I guess I can�t hold my liquor.�

Another snake says: ” If you think I’m paying that, you can kiss my Asp.”

No, the snake said, “It’s hiss turn to pay.”

The Rhinocerous says: “Don’t worry. When the waiter comes I’ll just charge it.”

The amoeba said, “I’ve got to split now.”

The paramecium said, “I’ll split it with him.”

The groundhog said, “If you let me go I shadow you a favor.”

The turtle said, “I shell pay next time.”

The chicken said, “I hope it’s cheep.”

The elephant said, “But I’ve hardly trunk a drop.”

The dachshund said, “I’ve got be to getting a long now.”

The manx cat said, “I know you’ve probably heard this tail before, but I’m a little short.”

The chicken said, “If feather I pay it’ll be a cold day in heck.”

And the snail said, “No, you shell out the same as me”!

And the trotters said “take 50 cents from two quarterhorses”.

The beaver said, “Dam if I’ll pay”.

Ken said “See Barbie ’bout a doll, her”.

The cows said “We got plenty o’ mooolah”.

The bumblebee said “Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz zzzzz zzzzzz z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z z zzzzzzz off

The zebra said, “It’s black and white–I haven’t the money.”

They each said, “Ask some otter animal.”

But the lion said, “I’ll pay–I’ve still got my pride.”

Will You Marry Me?

I guess this means that I can stay friends with Cynthia! Yeah!

Check your finger here. Man, what if you get the birdie...does that just mean that you are crotchety with no hope?

You Are a Ring Finger

You are romantic, expressive, and hopeful. You see the best in everything.

You are very artistic, and you see the world as your canvas. You are also drawn to the written word.

Inventive and unique, you are often away in your own inner world.

You get along well with: The Pinky

Stay away from: The Index Finger

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

American Idol Women

I hate to say that I was not sufficiently impressed by any of the women tonight, including Brooke White....It may be the season for the men. Hopefully, they'll redeem themselves next week. I am not even going to include a picture!!

Oh yeah - Pres Day

Yes, Presiden't Day would have went unnoticed at our house this year if it wasn't for the following conversation that just took place on the way home from school.

Abigail: "Mom, Abraham Lincoln was a liar."

Mom: (not totally paying attention) "Really, why?"

Abigail: no response

Mom: (realizing what Abigail just said and wondering what in the world they are teaching at public school) "Did you say that Abraham Lincoln was a liar? I've never heard that."

Abigail: "No, mom, I said, he was a lawyer."

Mom: Cracking up. "Do you know why that was so funny ?"

Abigail: SMILING HUGE because she got it..."Yeah mom, his name is Honest Abe."

So, I guess that public schools aren't failing us, even though Abigail reminds me now that my hearing continues to fail me.

I guess the lawyer/liar thing is a secondary part of the joke.

Subway - Eat Fresh

In my last post I made mention to asking for a sarnie at Subway.

I then went back to instapundit to find the link about Jared's ridiculously hot girlfriend. (Who by the way, I don't think she is hot at all.) This link about Jared's marketing power is very interesting.

Jared is the man. You have to give him credit for keeping all his weight off and making a fortune at eating out. All we ever do is give our money away when we eat out. (But hey, at least, we won't have to give up half our fortune to an X, like Jared is having to do)

Play Jared's 10 yr anniversary Pants Dance here. So funny!

English Ed & Et #4

Are Harry and Hermione stepping out on Ron? That is what the local news reported recently. How cute!! The article said that they were both really trying to make sure no one saw them together: yeah, hello, they will confuse all the young Harry Potter fans....what? Hermione and Harry????

I love Harry Potter. The books have got to be one of my very favorite things that have come from Britian.

Here are some more English terms brought to you by my two favorite English bloggers: Saxon and Mike Ball.

I will just share the ones with HP connections for now:

lift - elevator or giving someone a ride. How about taking a lift in that muggle flying car? or We took the lift to our dormitory, isntead of hiking the 12 flights of stairs.

headmaster - the principal of course. Did you know that Dumbledore was gay?

Muggins - fool, sap, etc. Now, who would you consider a muggins? Malfoy?

galleon and pence: from Saxon - A galleon is about 4 Litres I think. (me: what is a litre?) There are 100 pennies(pence) in a pound. ie. How many galleons did that Nimbus 2000 cost? Read Saxon's comment to understand how totally idiotic I was with this one. I think I got a little confused here from reading Harry Potter...don't they call wizard money a galleon?

tea - not just tea, but also dinner Will you join me in The Great Hall for some tea?

sarnie -sandwich (yeah, this will be a fun one to try and incorporate into my vocab next time I go to Subway- "Can I have a sarnie please?)

And lastly, for the people who may want to watch the news about Radcliffe when they do visit the U.K., you need to know this crazy tidbit:

If you have a TV you have to buy a TV licence here in the UK. It only lasts for a year so you have to buy a new one each year as long as you have a TV. The licence is a £135 and if you don't have one and are caught by one of the 'detector vans' watching TV you will get a fine of up to £1000. (I still haven't figured out how much money that is, but either way, that seems just crazy to me)

Hope you took me long enough to get to it.

American Idol Men

I guess I am not the only one that loved the above three contestants last night.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Church signs

Go here to check out my church sign photos.

While at Cracker Barrel a few weeks ago, I saw the above book, The Great American Book of Church Signs. It was very fun to rummage through. This book is a compilation of a very important part of Southern living: the church sign. I have to admit that even though I have never even stepped foot inside of a church that sports any type of unique church sign, the signs are one of my favorite aspects of Southern living.

For my many Western friends. Let me explain. In the South a person in a vehicle can pass a different church at about every block. Under the name of the congregation, each of those churches usually display a block letter sign with a new weekly message. There seems to be an unspoken competition going on. The winner of the competition will win the most parishoners for the following Sunday. How will the church sign do that? Well, of course, the parishioners will not be able to resist attending because of the originality or perfect humor of the church sign.

I grew up in California where all church signs were very bland. Their sole purpose was to let the passer-by know which domination was represented. In Utah, it seems that every church has the same The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints sign etched in granite out front. Which, in its own way is entertaining, given that you will have two exactly similar signs sported a block apart.

But, in the South, the church sign is vital for the spread of Christianity and humor. I am unsure how the church sign tradition got started, but I am sure it has to do with some unorthodox Baptist preacher a few hundred years ago. And, yes, he must have been a good preacher because he can take credit for even teaching this Mormon how to be a better Christian. Here are some of the messages from the signs that I have seen recently:

Lost? Get a GPS (God's plan of salvation)

You think it't hot here.

Who's your daddy?

Free trip to heaven, details inside.

Church parking only - violators will be baptized.

God loves you and he approves this message.

Wal-Mart is not the only saving place.

God answers knee-mail.

Friends don't let friends go to hell.

Don't make me come down there. ~ God

If God is your co-pilot, switch seats.

The wage of sin is death, repent before payday.

At the heart of sin is the letter I.

Pessimists need a kick in the cant's.

So, feel free to add your favorite Southern church sign in a comment. Whenever we all get over the flu at my house, and I can actually think I may try to come up with some signs that they can adopt to put in front of the Mormon churches in Utah. Here are a few off of the top of my fried sick brain:

Join our ward, the boundary is unlimited.

Our Bishop is better than yours!

Is your sacrament bread homemade?

Join us, every Sunday is fast.

Yeah yeah, these are week; I am sick! I can't stop coughing, so I am going to go. I just didn't want to be banned to my own bi-weekly blogger list.

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Word Association

Kathy made me think of legos.

Legos of Thriller. (it's legos 50th anniversary & this link shows Thriller redone w/ legos) Only something a man could enjoy.

And, thriller of some prison in The Phillipines. You have all probably seen this video, but I thought it was worth posting for those who may have not seen it yet. I was in awe the first time I saw it. If you haven't heard about this prison who elected to have dancing as their main source of rehibilitation, you have to check this article out before you watch the following video.

And, yes, I do promise to get back to a story some day soon. I know I have been a little You Tube crazy lately. I haven't had a lot of blogging time.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Brooke, I love her voice

And, she plays the piano beautifully. How are people so dang talented?

And another one...on Star Search

This was the original version of American Idol... I also loved this show, especially Ed McMahon. My family used to crowd around the TV for this when I was a kid, maybe those memories are the reason I justify letting my kids stay up on school night's for American Idol.

Introducing David Archuleta

Can you believe that he was first discovered when his dad ran into a musician at Sam's Club?,not as cool as being on American Idol? And did I mention that HE'S 16!!!

Was I Right?

I missed the Top 24 American Idol show because I was at the church singing in the choir Wednesday night. Yes, I am only good enough for the church choir...not that it mattered, I was way too old before the first season.

But, I am catching up on my American Idol obsession online today. My obsession is a good thing for one reason...I cannot tell you how many American Idol google searches have come to my blog!!! Google is a good thing!

Here is the nanny, Brooke White, that I made mention to in a previous American Idol post.

What do you think? Mormon or not? If you don't think she is a Mormon just watch this linked interview and see if it changes your mind.

Happy watching...I will be keeping tabs on this girl.

I have only watched 7 of the contestants interviews, but my other favorite so far is the Harley riding nurse, Amanda Overmyer. I just love her humility, practicality, and self's almost just like my hubby's personality. She made mention to Ryan Seacrest always giving her a hard time because she is never excited. Sometimes I tell my hubby to act just a little more excited also, but if I am totally honest, LG's mildness is just perfect for me. Crazy people like me need people like them to give us a calm among our own manmade storms.

P.S. Just did some searching....I was right. And, David Archuleta, who I also like a lot, is also a Mormon. (Hello, I should have known, he's from SLC) With two chances in one season, maybe the Mormons will have a better showing than they did in the presidential election. What do you think?

Friday, February 15, 2008

LG's fav's from SS

His 2nd favorite is Ben Stiller with "Who are the people in your neighborhood", but again I can't find that one on you tube.


My Song

I just read Cynthia's blog which talked about picking "your song". Her video of REM on Sesame Street inspired me. LG and I love the guest singers on Sesame Street. Sandra Bullock once did a mean "Ma-na-ma-na"...can't find it on you tube.

I don't know if I have ONE song, but this is a song that I LOVED as a child. It's message rings true to my life...Sing a song, sing out LOUD, don't worry if it's not good enough for anyone else to hear....just sing!

For my lover boy

Everyone seem to have posted something really sweet for their spouse yesterday, and all I came up with was the depressing last post. Give me a break, I was up throwing up the whole night before.

I do love my man, and was especially grateful that he was there for me yesterday....not because it was the big holiday, but because he took care of the kids while I slept away most of the day, trying to recover.

This video is for you LG, I know you will enjoy!

Thursday, February 14, 2008


I may be in trouble for blogging this because it doesn't follow the "no talking about the bedroom" rule. [If that doesn't get you to keep reading, I don't know what will]

Valentine's Day usually comes and goes around here without too much fanfare. We usually buy each other something small. Today LG got the movie, Tommy Boy, a trashcan basketball hoop and a card. I got a cd, a pedicure, and THIS card.

On the front of the card it says, "To my honey - I got you this LITTLE button to wear for Valentine's Day." It shows the part of the button through the cut out hole that reads "World's Greatest Lover"

When you open the card, it looks like the above photo, and reads, "Okay, so it's not that little." The rest of the button now shows and it really reads, "I got this from the World's Greatest Lover."

I have told you before that LG has a great sense of humor, right?

Well, it is just pure coincidence that this post follows the earlier one that is entitled Dead People. But, after reading poor Saxon's blog, I got thinking back to the days when I was a single girl, not looking forward to V-Day.

In High School, my friend Kristen Dillon and I used to sympathize with one another about our singlehood. We used to get each other something small to say I love ya. Two years after we graduated, I lived in Utah and she lived in California. She called me one night because she was so excited that the next day she was going to see our shared HS crush. She mentioned in passing that she had a late Valentine's Day card for me and that she would mail it when she got home.

I am not trying to be morbid. You have to realize that this has been 15 years ago. And, I only share this story because I know Kristen is up there laughing about the following story. Kristen died in a car accident on her way to go and see her secret lover.

The next week I found myself at her funeral. My sense of loss was very real and debilitating. Kristen's roommate walked in with a card in hand. As she passed it to me, I saw my name in Kristen's handwriting on the envelope.

Kristen would have loved the irony of this ending. Her and I shared a love of humor and literature. Here I sat, two rows back from her casket, shortly before the beginning of her funeral.

The front of the card read, "You may be getting a lot of flowers and cards this Valentine' Day."

The inside: "I told people you died last week."

The card was passed down the row from the hands of each of our friends. Every person reacted the same: jaw drop. Ah, Kristen, she was always good for a shocking laugh.

And, no matter how great each of my Valentine's Day have been since then, there will always be that one when I was single so long ago. Yes, sometims the love we share the week before Valentine's Day will always be more important than the actual day. Kristen taught me that.

Dead People

Abigail went out with her group of church girls last night and sang to some people at a nursing home. (This picture is not from last night, but from a school thing last year - I included the pic. to give you the idea of how cute 8-11 year olds) Aren't they darling? I am sure the nursing home loved their company last night.

Anyhow, on the way home, I was very impressed with Abigail's observations of the night. She was telling me all about the people that she met.

"Mom, there was this really old guy who was 97. There was a lady who was deaf and they had to write everything on a paper for her. There was a black guy, and it was his birthday." She even told me the people's names.

Sophia and Bella were listening to the conversation and started asking Abigail questions about her adventure. Bella being inquisitive about the aforementioned deaf person asked me, "Mom why would they sing to a dead person?"

I was glad that the girls were paying attention to Abigail's story, but who would have guessed the dead person association of my 4 year old? I guess I better start writing my mommy speech now for reassuring Bella when it is her turn to go to a nursing home to sing. Really, how am I going to handle this with honesty? It's not like I can say, "No Bella, don't worry, there aren't any dead people at nursing homes."

This reminds me of another story. Back in December, we had an unfortunate death in the congregation that shares our building. I was in charge of our ward party that was to happen the evening following the funeral. I had a bunch of things that I needed to drop of at the church early because I had to work the next morning. So I stopped by the church late after the funeral was over.

I wasn't sure if they would have left the casket at the church overnight until the following day's graveside service. (I believe they did this with Grandma Gold in VA - every state law is different to this effect and I wasn't sure what TN law was) As my girls love to run the round hallways as soon as they get into the church, I warned them to stay close by because there may be a casket in the cultural hall. You can imagine where the conversation went from there...

"Mom, what's a casket?" "Why do dead people sleep in a casket?" "Why do they leave dead people in the church?" "What's a funeral?"

I had tried to play off all the questions so that they wouldn't be too afraid of ever entering the church ever again. I had told the girls that a funeral would be over the next morning and there was no reason to be afraid because a funeral is "like a party for dead people". O.k. hindsight is always 20/20! Yes, I could and should have given a better explanation than that.

If you couple Bella's amazing imagination with her slight anxiety, you can imagine what she thought was going on in the church at the party for dead people. I was surprised that she still wanted to go inside when I had given her the chance to just stay in the car while I ran a few things in. Do you think that she was showing bravery or did the sure terror of being alone in the van when the party all came out of the building egged her forward into the building with mom? I think it must have been the latter, the way she was clinging to my leg.

Either way, whenever I die, I hope all my girls will remember that they are invited to my party for dead people.

Monday, February 11, 2008

dad = goat

So this morning as we were getting the girls ready for school, all of the girls were telling their dad about their trips to see our friend's baby goats. Thanks to Grammy for the field trip. The girls just loved these baby goats. And thanks to Steve and Stori for their fun petting zoo.

Here is the goat with Bella. Isn't she cute? I was talking about the goat. This baby goat's name is Carameletta. Isn't that a cute name? Again, I am talking about the goat. The other two babies are Dotty and Pedro. (Pedro's the boy)

So, back to the name of the post. This morning the girls were telling LG all about the goats:

"We had to chase the babies dad. We caught Dotty. The baby one is called Dotty
because she has a lot of dots. The dad has a long beard. The dad is
harry-er. The mom goat looks like she is mad at you and being protective,
but she doesn't really care. The dad goat is bigger than the mom goat. They
were all so cute dad. They were so fun. The dad goat has bigger horns."

LG in response to the girls: (yes his wit is really keen in the mornings) "So, I think I got it all, tell me if I am right: the dad is fatter, harrier, and hornier?" Yep I guess that dad really does = goat.

I just rolled on the floor laughing. What a great way to start the day.

I think that Gina's hubby's humor is also a little twisted. Gina informed her hubby that I suggested he win a good hubby award, he said, "What does a man do to win the chubby award?"

Friday, February 08, 2008


LG is under stress and has kept me awake with his tossing and turning for three nights in a row now. I just knew that if I got on the computer this morning I could find a reasonto go back to bed !

If this article is true, WHY do my kids have to be to school by 7:45 every morning?

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Give Me the Beat Boy

'Tis better

Alfred Lord Tennyson: 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.

Romney is officially out. All I have to say is what I wrote in my comment to this article Fox News atricle:

"I think it would be a digression of a few hundred years to get someone like
Huckabee in The White House. He is totally religiously prejudiced. As a Mormon,
I cannot support him, knowing how he feels about my religion.

I have NEVER heard Romney put anyone else down...yes, he has faught the issues to the core, but he has never personally attacked anyone or their religious beliefs. He embodies Christianity and I think it is a shame that the people of our country have failed to see that a belief in God is one of the most important factors for this country to continue to be strong. How many people just turned their heads to Bill Clinton and his charade?

This speech was brilliant! As a conservative, I agreed with every word. Our societal woes are the things that the majority of our society want to continue to ignore (especially the liberal democrats) Romney's willingness to speak of such things is music to many of our ears.

I don't think that the end of the world is near because Romney has pulled out. I do think that it is the end of the world because so many people in the land of the free and home of the brave, have completely forgotten the God who has given them all the opportunities in the world.

It's a shame that many of those people are members of the Republican Party.

It is time to form a new party I think!"
Romney's best quote of the day, "The threat to our culture comes from within."
The announcement according to abc and cbs and lastly, cnn.

I never knew she noticed.

Here is an image for our church's website.

This is what happened at the school today while I was there working with the kids.

Taylor: "Mrs. Gold, what church do you and Abigail go to?"

Me: "We attend The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints."

Abigail: "It's a mouthful, isn't it?"

My question, would it really be a horrible sin to go back to telling people that we are Mormon? It is just so hard for those of us that have to answer this question every day.

Oh baby!

I can't even read this story without wailing! Seriously, I have used up at least 20 tissues in the past ten minutes.
A baby was found alive in Castilian Springs, TN in the wreckage of the recent tornado. Rescuers while surverying the wreckage of a home stumbled upon many baby things. Then they saw what they thought was a doll. Then the doll started to cry.
His mother was dead just 100 feet away. It was reported earlier that is father was dead too, but I don't find anything about him.
Is it just me, or does every mother instantly try and figure out how they can get there and take this baby home?
I heard the story on the radio earlier and immediately came home to research and make sure this baby had a home. I was so happy to find him safe in the arms of his grandmother. I guess I will have to wait for a true orphan to rescue.
And, I cry because the child has a grandmother who will give him everything he needs. I cry because his mom is gone, but she can look down and know that her baby will still live the life she had wanted for him. I cry because there is only one person who helped this baby survive, and that is the God who created him and watched over him. What a beautiful story this is, if you can look at the things to be grateful for.

God is good

Across the street lives a Bible Methodist preacher, whom we respect. He was given this ugly poo green van from a Baptist church. It has been an eye sore that has never left the confines of their front lawn for the past two years.

Last week, through a powerful storm, God took care of the eye sore for us. We were surprised when the preacher informed us that they were grateful that God took care of it for them too. I guess they hadn't known what to do with the donated van! Now, all I can do is hope that the demolished van won't sit there in this pathetic state for another couple of years. God would have to send a tornado next to take it away (because you know it won't be translated). We were very fortunate that this week's recent storms didn't make it this far east. God really has watched over us.

The bad news associated with the riddance of the van was that our power was out for 36 hours. This tree also took out the preacher's power line which shorted the transformer box to just three houses. The power company had about 4,000 customers to get back up and running after the storm. Our three houses were probably the lowest on the priority list.

I spent the day at a friend's house (isn't having your power out a good excuse to miss school) and we decided to come back home and sleep. We tried to turn it into an adventure for the kids. We heat up our small room with our camp heater and made a makeshift bed for the girls that was built up high enough to be even with the height of our bed. It got down to the 20's outside and the 40's in the house.

The kids wore two pairs of pj's, hats, and socks. (these cute animal hats were a gift from Korea, if any of you have seen the missing tiger, would you let me know - Bella wasn't happy that she had to wear a plain old taboggan) The girls thought that the most fun part was counting the amount of blankets I put over the top of them. 13! They also really enjoyed the emergency crank flashlight/radio. They were amazed at how they could tune to different channels. They really do live a sheltered life, don't they?

We couldn't put them to sleep without our nightly scripture study. We are trying to read the whole Book of Mormon again this year. Here is LG reading with the assistance of a flashlight. You can't see LG's face or the flashlight between his face and the book. (just in case you couldn't make that observation yourself)

God and KUB blessed us a second time within the 36 hour timeframe and had the power fixed at 4 am, just when it started to get really cold. This is how we found the girls the next morning. So much for the blankets and hats.

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Two Already Forgotten Videos

I think I am an honorary grandparent. I have no memory. Really, it is almost sad!Can alztheimers (again, the spell check is out)set in early? I think mine set in before I was born.

Seriously. I cannot remember anything! If I didn't have a blog to keep track of my blogging, I may unknowingly write the same story over and over again throughout my life. I have to say that if I had to rewrite a story repeatedly, it would have to be Self Check Out. It is my favorite.

This one is for you, my old fogy friends (and you young Dorry's out there) I so relate to that cute little "My Nemo" Fish.

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

Gotta go!

This joke is in honor of Knoxville red light cameras and the bladder incontinence that 1/4 mothers experience.

My friend laughed the other day when I told her I have to cross my legs before sneezing or I will pee my pants. She thought I was kidding...I wasn't. Oh, what a mother sacrifices. My bladder will never be the same.

This joke is called:

Breaking the Speed Limit

A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.

Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies’ room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her.

Without batting an eye, she said coyly, “I’ll bet none of you thought I would make it.”

I'm smearing my spelling reputation

When I recently taught Abigail how to use the spellchecker, she didn't understand why she had spent so much time on that darn spelling bee a while back. I also wonder, "Why did we spend every moment in the car for three weeks spelling word after word, if a computer will fix your mistakes for you?" She was amazed! I am sure that somewhere in that great brain of hers, she is trying to figure out how she can have Microsoft Word close by for next year's competition.

I don't want to make you think that I am trying to exploit Abigial with this video because I chose to post the video of when she got outed. Abigail was the only third grader to stay in until the third round; she did very well. And it's a good thing because it felt like I lived and breathed spelling there for a bit. I just love watching her little wheels turn in this video. You can see it on her face that it only took her .005 second to realize that she didn't know how to spell smear. So, what did she do... she said something as quick as she could to get the misery over with. That's my girl...why prolong misery?...if you barrel through anything fast enough, it is as if you didn't experience it at all. (Wow, even if she doesn't ever win the spelling bee, maybe I have taught her some life coping skills?)

I like to blame LeGrand for the fact that Abigail did not know "smear". Really, if that would have been my word, she would have never forgotten the trick...ear with and sm? (Dad didn't really get into the spelling tricks) The end of page three was dad's job while mom was at work, back in December. LeGrand swears they went over it, and I am not trying to be mean by blaming him, but really, just so you know, it is the only way that I am feeling good about my job as a mom right now. That spelling bee was one way that I could prove that I was a little smart. LG, well, let's just say he doesn't need to prove anything to anyone (he's pretty secure) and he can also do math. And, let's face it, with Word around, who really needs to know how to spell anyway?

Is anyone else having trouble using their spellchecker in blogspot? I am sorry if I have made you all cringe with my misspelling during the last few days. (Is that word even spelled right?) Well, if anyone knows what I need to do so that I can spell correctly again, can you give me a shout? I would hate to smir my stellar spelling reputation.

And, a good old fashioned spelling bee is not going to work...I now know modern technology in the most intimate fashion, if you know what I mean.

Monday, February 04, 2008

Preachin Politics

An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:
a Bible,a silver dollar,a bottle of whiskyand a Playboy magazine ‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself, ‘when he comes home from school this afternoon,I’ll see which object he picks up.If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard,and, Lord, what a shame that would be.And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ bum.’

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.

Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s Centerfold.
‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered, ‘He’s gonna run for Congress!’

VOTE FOR MITT. He's only got the Bible and the silver dollar.