Tuesday, October 30, 2012

Halloween by NutMom

November 1st has quickly become 
one of my favorite days of the year.
It used to be the 2nd of November 
as that's my birthday,
but now it's the first.
For sure.
No contest.

It's the day after Fall Madness.
That's the only reason.
I hate the pressure
of Halloween.
The pressure.
Even without comparing
it's horrendous
to be a mom
at Halloween.

Here's a poem
to explain.

The teenager hollered
starting three weeks ago.
"Mom, I need black tulle.
I also need black tights.
Don't forget the spray paint
Oh, and I need that special make-up,
don't worry
I'll make sure it is just right.
Why don't you dress up mom?
Why don't you?
You're no fun."

The two girls in the middle
"Mom, I don't want something out of the box,
I want something new.
I don't know if I like
that 70% off costume."

Chili cook-off dinner,
make sure you do the award winner.
Do you have some table centerpieces
to bring?
Why of course.
I just have to go and find them
in the garage,
buried under all my
back to school bins.
Not really.

Make all the calls for school parties,
try to get it done before dinner.
Take three days
to go to the school
and paint pumpkins
with the kids
because the PTA
thought it would be a great
idea to have a huge
Pumpkin Walk
just weeks following the carnival.
Oh, and don't forget all the stuff
you had to purchase to put
in the gift baskets.

"Oh, you don't want to do the craft.
You don't want to do the game.
You just want to come to the class party and enjoy.
No worries.
I'll take care of it all."
Google and pinterest
are my best friends.
Too bad they can't come
over and party tend
for me
so I can have a nap.

Off to the dollar store.
They don't have orange balloons.
Neither does Wal-Mart.
Ah- ha I got the last bag
at the specialty party store.
I don't need 100,
only 32,
I convince the clerk
to open the bag,
and sell them individually
for a quarter a pop.
Yes, you, even more procrastinating mom,
you are very welcome
at 10 am tomorrow.

do you like this one?"
No mom it's scary.
I don't want to dress up.
I want to be a butterfly.
No, I don't want to be a butterfly.
I want the cheap plastic wand.
But, what will you be with that?
That wand will be broken before
tomorrow night.
I've been there, done that.
At least 50 times.

Oh, look Caroline,
look at this cute
cowgirl hat.
It will go perfect with your
Oh, yes mom.
I love it.
It's pink.
Do you want to wear it
trick or treating?
No I want to stay home with dad.

Dad wrote off Halloween
years ago.
He hates trick-or-treating.
Can't we all just stay home?
We try to bribe the kids every year,
so far only the three-year old
thinks it's a good idea to stay home.
Maybe we are moving in the right direction?

Let's not even get into 
pumpkin carving.
That's a whole other poem,
with the guts,
and the seeds,
that have to be roasted,
and the candles that have to be
And the specialty tools
that all break before the night is over.

And then I sit down for two seconds
before I have to run to the school.
And I look at the blogs.
And her family is all themed.
And her costumes are all homemade.
In fact,
I saw them
all over Pinterest
just yesterday.
this lady had a party
with handmade masks.
Oh, and this friend
has an annual
Halloween dinner
with spooky food.
Check out the jello worms.
I asked her if my kids
could come next year.
Because I am too tired.

And I just have to wonder?
Are these all the moms
that didn't want to do the craft
or the game
for the school party?
Did they say no?
Or are they all as crazy as me?

Did they take them self to the picture show
last night too?
Because they just had to get away
after accomplishing
500 things yesterday
and then working their 4 hour shift
at their part time job
so they can afford
the game, craft, treat,
costume, pumpkin,
and the regular groceries.

Did they go to the movie
to avoid putting the kids to bed
because one more mom moment
would set them over the edge?
On the way home did
they sing to themselves
"took myself to the picture show
sat myself in the very last row
(da da  da da da da da
da da da da da da da -
because I couldn't remember how
it really goes)
I'm a nut.
I'm a nut.
I'm a nut.
I'm a nut.
I'm a nut."

Somehow I'm doing something wrong.
Terribly wrong.
Every year.
And maybe
next year
I'll get it right.
Or maybe I will just
keep holding my breathe
and try not to flip out
for the next 20 years,
and then I can be the grandma
who takes the grandkids
for their photoshoot
every year on Halloween.
Maybe at that point,
my new 
favorite day of the year
will be Oct 1st
instead of Nov 1st.
Because I
won't have to
worry about my sanity.

I don't think it's
a coincidence
that this song was written
about an acorn on the ground.
Probably in the Fall.
Like late October.

I'm a an acorn on the ground, 
Sitting under this here tree.
Everybody steps on me, 
That is why I'm cracked you see.

I'm a nut,
I'm a nut, 
I'm a nut, nut, nut-nut-nut.

Called myself on the telephone 
Just to see if I was home. 
Made a date for half past eight, 
Better hurry or I'll be late! 
- Chorus 

Took myself to the picture show 
Sat myself in the very last row 
Wrapped my arms around my waist 
Got so fresh I slapped my face! 
- Chorus 

Bought some roses at the store.
Told myself I wanted more.
That's why I broke up with me.
Now I am a nut that's free!
- Chorus 

Gee, I miss me all the time.
Wonder if I'm doing fine.
Maybe I'll stop by to see
If I have a chance with me.
- Chorus

Coca-Cola went to town, 
Pepsi-Cola shot him down.
Dr. Pepper fixed him up, 
Now we all drink 7-Up.
- Chorus

For those of you that don't know the song.


 Oh and here's another fun find.

Sunday, October 28, 2012

Book Review: No Holly For Christmas + Giveaway details

No Holly for ChristmasNo Holly for Christmas by Julie N. Ford
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Romantic Mystery. I do believe this is the first time I have ventured into this genre. Perhaps it is the first time I have heard of this genre. Would that make me seem illiterate if I admit it? While on a date with my hubby a few weeks back I told him how much I enjoyed this romantic mystery. He turned to me perplexed and made me laugh when he asked, "is that really a genre, romantic mystery?" Nothing like a good man to make you feel smarter than you are.

Anyhow,"No Holly for Christmas" was a great first romantic mystery. It made me wanting more of the genre and more out of my life: more romance and more mystery, if you know what I mean. Sometimes books like this can be a bad thing, especially as you walk out of Target with your husband of 15 years. So NOT romantic or mysterious. It's a good thing he can still make me laugh and feel smart.

Enough about me. This book was really great. After reading No Holly for Christmas I was double super pleased. As I was reading I wondered why I had never heard of the book before. It really was a fantastic read. I loved Julie Ford's writing style. It was perfectly descriptive and fast paced. It was clean and clear. It was also romantic and mysterious. Imagine that.

I am trying to figure out who to give this book to for Christmas as it will make a perfect read for so many of my friends and family, especially the ladies who are wanting more after their 50 Shades of Grey. (Make clear: I would never read 50 Shades of Grey, but a lot of my friends have) They now are waiting for that next best romantic novel, and I do believe they would all really like this one. It was a great adult version of happily ever after. I loved the ending. I loved the characters. I loved how the plots played out. I loved the feel-good portions (there were many) and the slight focus on overcoming our psychological hang-ups (we all have to do it).

Short synopsis. Holly, a recently widowed single mom socialite turned social worker, gets entangled into a dangerous situation: more than one murderer is after her. Brian, a defense attorney turned deputy DA at his sick father's (DA) request, has now found it part of his job to look after Holly. Holly's gay sister Margo is Brian's new partner and the Judge of the small town is married to Brian's longtime love Josie. If that isn't enough of a web for you, there are plenty of other fascinating characters to attach to: Holly's controlling mom, the sleazy other guy at the DA's office, Brian's mom who wants nothing but grandchildren, Holly's two new neighbors/girlfriends who are living the dream in the suburbs, or Holly's two daughters.

Will the beautiful and mysterious Holly help Brian finally get over his married x-girlfriend? His past two wives weren't able to do the trick. Will Brian help Holly break out of her perfect shell? Probably. But the only way you will know is if you read the book. Before you do, just like you do before going to watch that newest romantic comedy major motion film, brace yourself to want more romance and mystery in your life. Otherwise your husband may need to all of the sudden grow an incredibly amazing sense of humor and compliment your mind at the same time to make up for the date to Target.

Oh, after looking through goodreads just now, I just found out that this book is a follow up on another book. I never like to start in the middle of a series, but I liked this so much I will for sure be heading over to purchase the first book "The Woman He Married" as soon as I get some extra cash.

View all my reviews

The best news yet. There's also a giveaway

You can purchase this book for .99 ebook from Barnes&Noble or at Amazon.

That is a steal. Seriously. I can't believe they are offering it that cheap. 

 When you do purchase, you can also be entered to win a $25.00 Barnes&Noble giftcard if you e-mail your confirmation number to Steph&Jules bloggers@vbooktours.com by November 1st.

 And for those of you that are way too cheap to fork over even .99 on one of the best book's I've read this year, there are two additional ways to win a free copy.

Enter to win a free hard copy and/or ebook of No Holly for Christmas when you do one and/or both of the following between Tuesday, October 29thand Thursday, November 1st:

 Like Julie N. Ford on Facebook http://www.facebook.com/JulieNFord.Author?ref=hl
 Follow Julie N. Ford on Twitter https://twitter.com/JulieNFord

Thursday, October 25, 2012


Caroline wants to share a picture of herself.
"Make it bigger mom."

How old are you Caroline?
"4" (she's three)
What's your favorite color?
Who's your favorite person?
"I just love you and dad."

(now she is climbing the treadmill singing
what doesn't kills you makes you stronger)

"Look mom, this ball of playdoh is dry.
We can't play with it any more."
(chucks it at the monitor)
Luckily she missed because it's harder than a rock.

What else do you want to say?
"I want to say 'no' mom."
No about what?
"No, about nothing."

"Do you wanna see how you do jumping?"
(She has taken off a piece of the printer
and is catapulting the hard piece of playdoh.)
Have I mentioned this girl
never EVER runs out of energy.

What's your favorite song?
"I don't know.
I really want to get back in your lap,
I'm getting so tired."

(I made her get down shortly before the climb
of the treadmill. She can't keep her hands off the keyboard.)

"Mommy, I want to see more pictures."
"Do you want to match this with dad?"
 What do you mean?
She points at the text on the monitor.
"Right here, do you want to match this with dad."

What do you want for your birthday?
"A stone -ger."
What's that?
"It means you freeze and play tag."
(grabs the mouse and clicks on something
that luckily just opens some random window
and doesn't erase this whole post.)

You are going to ruin the typing.

"I wanna go away from the computer."

The end.

Oh, the point of the post.
To tell you
Caroline really really really
loves her bigwheel
that I made LG buy her for her
3rd birthday.
It was nostalgic for me
and it has been more than fun
watching her tear through 
our neighborhood, the park,
the soccer field,
and anywhere else we let her
tag it along.

Even though I run 
approximately 15 miles a week
I can't even keep up with her
when she's on that little bike.

We are in trouble
with this one.
She didn't come with a manual.

Thursday, October 18, 2012

The sense of a goose

I've been watching
The Canadian Geese
for several weeks now.
The seem to want to follow me
wherever I go.
On my run, at my house, on my errands.
They just keep coming.
I love to hear their honking greetings
and watch them change up their formations.

Call me weird.
That's what my kids do.
One of them said the other day,
"Mom. what's your fascination with the geese?"
I answered, "I don't know
they are just so beautiful,
and we are lucky their flight
patterns go through here."

The other day 
while having a particularly hard married day
(oh c'mon, you have those too),
I was on the phone with a friend.
Outside of Wal-Mart,
crying a bit, is where I stood.
Pondering life.
While getting my pep talk,
tears were flowing freely.

I was in a place of major frustration.
was running through my head and heart
Why does it not seem to matter
how hard we try?
Why can we not just arrive
where we need to be?
Why do I have to keep working so hard
just to be beat down
again and again?
Let down.

I watched a large group of geese
and another.
Cried on.
Chatted on.

And then God sent me a sign.
In the form of two straggling geese.
They were all by themselves,
braving the big skies
without their group of friends.
They seemed to be in a hurry.

I instantly remembered a story I read
years ago.
It was titled
"why do we not have the sense of a goose?"
It taught that geese mate for life.
If the mate goes down for whatever reason,
so does its mate.
Couldn't we have more loyalty as humans?

I looked up at those determined geese
and wondered of their story.
Then I heard God's voice.
It said,

"Keep going,
don't give up,
you may fall down,
he may fall down
but just like those geese,
you'll get there
Go the right direction.
Who cares
if every single other pair
of geese get there ahead of you.
All I need you to do
get here."

Sunday, October 14, 2012

Photography 101

I just took a photography class.
I loved it.
I hope to find more time to pursue this hobby.
Not that I will ever be famous
or anything
but at least maybe I will be able to capture
some good family shots.

Here are the shots
from class
that make me the most proud.

I know I still have so much to learn,
but I am proud of the things that
I picked up in the class.

I can now
photograph in the dark.

I love the modern feel to this one.

Through glass at sunset.
UVU's library is so beautiful at sunset.
I want to go back to school 
and study there every night.

I just love that I now know
how to capture the star of my lens.

This would have turned out cool
if I had used a tripod
but you get the idea.
We learned about shutter speeds.

I couldn't quite get what I wanted here
but still a fun shot of UVU stadium.

The different hues
of lighting.
Supposedly it's all about the 
amount of heat put out by the light source.
Must take Photography 102.

After I got this shot,
I felt o.k. with calling it a night.
Pretty cool, huh??

And while leaving my last night of class
I had to lay on the wet ground to get this one.

And this one
as all my classmates
walked by.

And this one of the late night dance class.

O.k this one wasn't part of my class
but I took it on Friday
and I love it.

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Be like a Bee

I have a fascination with honey bees.
Remember this old post
when I took my camera into the shower to photograph them?
Good times back in Knoxville.

When M. Russell Ballard
gave this address
Be Anxiously Engaged
during General Conference,
I was delighted to listen.

Today I went outside with my camera
to try and capture something beautiful.
Why not the honeybees across the street?

It's pretty powerful to think about what we can accomplish when we all focus on the things of God,
even if we, like the bees, each just produce our 1/12th of  a teaspoon it will be more than enough.

On another bee note. 
The BYU documentary that I just saw for the first time on Sunday also inspired me to do more for others.

I love so many metaphors from this documentary but perhaps the one the most lovely is that bees use white clover (a normally discarded weed) as their food-source. The bees see the clover like no one else does.

 If I live my whole life and accomplish all that I wanted it will be in vain if I can't look at every other person I meet and see the white clover inside of them.

Wednesday, October 03, 2012


Fat is a nasty word.
The only time it should be used is in regards to the stuff on the backside of a butchered pig.
Fatback is the only time when fat is a good thing.
And what a good thing it is.
Just ask the green beans.

I've been called fat. A lot. It sucks.
After watching this video on facebook yesterday, I was perplexed.

I offered the following on my page as a passive aggressive response to a few people I know who judge "fat people."

"I hate it when physically in-shape people look down upon those who aren't. I hate to tell you this, but you're not superior, especially in regards to the things that matter most: kindness and appreciation for others wherever they are in life is a learned art and maybe you should get off the treadmill long enough to take some lessons. I don't experience as much prejudice in this department as I used to, but it sure makes my blood boil whenever I encounter it."

The funniest thing about my above rant is that I got all kinds of people, my friends mind you, apologizing to me for the way that I had been treated. Why did they apologize? Because they think I am fat and that I have reason to be apologized to. Kind of ironic, huh? I never mentioned that I had been treated badly, did I? In fact, I hadn't had any teasing at all, I only posted the comment in defense of others and in opposition to the people out there looking down on this lady. I've actually been feeling pretty good about the way I am looking until yesterday. HA.

Well as you, who read my blog, know I'm on a journey of self-discovery. I've learned to love myself and I am still learning to take care of myself. I all too well know the life of this anchor. I know what it is like to be raising 3 young daughters (and she has a full-time job to boot) and to feel the stress and eat too much and exercise too little. I also know what it's like to get off my butt and count calories. I also know what it's like to have a propensity to being larger as a child and as an adult.

I also know what it's like to lose a nephew and to know that in his last week on this earth he was called fat by some mean little girls and that the word F A T may have been racing through his mind in his last breathe. It breaks my heart. Absolutely makes me shed tears. Right now in fact.

Yes, people are fat, but trust me, they know it. You pointing it out to them, or looking down on them, or even apologizing for others' fat name callers to someone who has recently lost 35 pounds doesn't really help the situation and it doesn't really motivate people to be better.

Do you know what motivates people to be better? Loving them wherever they are. Loving them right where they are. Even if it's at 700 pounds. Anyone who has watched Richard Simmons should know this fact.

Do you know why loving them helps? Because the reason they are fat is that they don't love themselves enough. Period. Or maybe they have a health condition? Or maybe they are just a husky kid that could eventually be a college football star if they live long enough to pursue that goal? The point being: You don't know what they are capable of, if all you see is F A T. And you will also never know the beauty of loving people in their weakness if you can't see past it. You don't even know what scars are under the fat.

If you can love F A T people then maybe they can learn to love themselves. And if you can love them F A T, maybe they will love you in your weakness.

See how that works? Well, yeah, you do kind of have to admit your own weakness first. Maybe you could start with judging,  lack of charity, or complete and total PRIDE?

Monday, October 01, 2012

We're so Utah, just ask the Cafe Rio Pork

I didn't want to do it.
I didn't want to turn into one of them.
But I have to admit
it ain't half that bad.

I'm a Utah Mormon blogger.
Well, if you can still call me a blogger.
Since I don't really blog anymore.

I took the following photo yesterday.
It pretty much tells the story.

I set up the photo myself
on MANUAL settings
because I have just loved my photography class.
You can't be a good Utah Mormon lady
unless you are are enrolled in some kind of class,

And you definitely can't be a good 
Utah Mormon mommy blogger
unless you know how to photograph.

I took the photo after running into the shot.
My camera was supported by a boulder
on the opposite side of the trail.

And look at us.
We are so cute.
Notice my Utah fashionable hat.
And my frame 35 pounds lighter
because I run every other day.
My kids are perfection.
Even my dog is perfection.
My husband is the bomb.
I love him so much,
and he's perfection too.
Just for me.

Now, I wonder how many people
I've managed to annoy?

What I don't want to tell you is

I set up the picture to hide my fat butt.
We went to the canyon
on a Sunday
NOT in our Sunday clothes
just to get a picture of the leaves.
Notice the photo
is lack of any oranges or reds.

My kids have rebelled against
family bike rides in the same canyon because
I made them ride all the way
to Bridal Veil from our house once.
Apparently 20 miles round trip is a bit much.
O.k. I don't think its that far,
but still,
I can't get them to want to go.

I threw the hat on because I took a photo
earlier that day at church
and my hair was atrocious.
Is that the right spelling of 

I guess I have a ways to go
to be the perceived perfect Utah Mormon.
I think they all probably have a ways to go too.

I will however share with you a recipe
that screams Utah.
and it's so delicious.
I made up the recipe
because I couldn't find one that was good enough.
Yeah, I'm an awesome cook.
What can I say?
I lived in the South for 10 years.
It gives me the advantage.

I also like to keep it simple in the kitchen.

Throw the following ingredients into a crock pot.

3 pounds pork roast
2 cups diet Pepsi
About 1 cup and a handful of brown sugar (just go with it)
1 cup water
2 cubes Chicken Boullion
3 Tablespoons minced garlic
1/2 cup dried onion
1/3 cup taco seasoning.

Cook for 6 hours.

Shred the pork into the liquids right inside the crockpot.
Cook another 2 hours.
Serve over hot fresh tortillas from Costco.

Try the recipe.
And come back and tell me how amazingly Utah I've become.