Tuesday, July 19, 2011

My Husband Loves Boobs

I remember having a conversation years ago with a lady about breastfeeding etiquette. She had whipped it out in sacrament meeting and I was a little astonished.

"Isn't that why we have mother's lounges in every church?" I prodded.

She replied, "What's the difference in me breastfeeding my kid and you feeding your baby a bottle in church?

Um, I thought that the answer was obvious, but she was awaiting a reply.

"The difference is simple really: Your boob."

(Hello to you, if you are reading this - I am sure you will make your opinion on the matter known.)

"My husband does not want to be looking at that."
And he didn't. He was the one that brought my attention to the boob in the first place.

Guess what? Over the years, I have discovered something. My husband does want to be looking at that!
He's a man. He has a thing for boobs. That's what men do. They start life on their mom's and work their way up to having free access to their wife's. It's the perk of marriage. At least that's how it is at our house. I don't know how it is for you flat chested ladies.

Oh man, my husband is going to kill me.

So,this post is really just my plea: cover it up ladies.


I know it's all trendy right now to advocate for mom's rights to whip it out, but really, can we not be considerate for other people? Especially other ladies who don't want their husbands to have any temptation.

I hope you don't think I am 100% serious. My husband isn't some creep who goes around stalking lactating liberals. But, there is always an awkward moment for him when a woman whips it out with no shame.

I am assuming the moment goes something like this in his mind:
"Should I look? Should I not look? Boy, I think I could look and still get into heaven."

My hubby sent me a link about a lady with a Breastfeeding truck. who has been featured recently in the news.
It showcases a woman's desire to create a place where mom's can breastfeed comfortably and privately.

Bless you Jill Miller.

Now, all my hubby has to do when he is feeling kind of desperate is look at the huge nipple on top of your private place.


At least he can still get into heaven.

Oh, if you didn't read the article, I've got to let you in on the best part.
The author says fictionally to her children,
"No children, that's not an ice-cream truck, stay away, it's a milk truck."

I bet some moms in South America who are still breastfeeding their 8-year-olds are wishing they could get a milk truck in their country.

Oh, here is a place you can buy a classy udder cover.
Or if you are the typical Mormon mommy who likes to be crafty, go here to learn how to make your very own baby blanket.
Because even though we live in a fancy schmancy 21st century where we have to have every product on the market, a baby blanket really works for everything.
At least that's what I think every time I see someone walking around with one of these.
Of course it's so cute; Cally made it.
But really, I had four kids and used a blanket to cover my car seat with every one and it worked out just fine.

Coming soon: a post about the versatility of baby blankets.

Oh and for you la leche nazis, I did breastfeed. I have nothing against it. Nothing at all.

Unless it's you, and you are all hanging out in front of my man.


Mom McD said...

I would love to have had an 'udder cover' when I was nursing. I used a blanket which was 1. usually to warm for the child (and me) 2. thus the child was always pulling it off and exposing me. 3. I like the way the top of the udder cover opens up so you can see the baby and the baby gets more air.

Kathy said...

I am with you on this one. I understand it is the man's responsibility to keep himself under control, but come on they ARE human. Be respectful and cover yourself up. I know I don't want to see it.

Steve Westover said...

Funny post, but also true. Yes, I understand breastfeeding is natural but that doesn't mean women need to expose themselves in public.

There are MANY "natural" functions of a body that do not need to be exposed. There's a word for it, I can't quite remember...oh, yeah, its called MODESTY.

Regina said...

Love your comment and agree. In the times I was breast-feeding at church we used to put a long scarf around mother and baby. Never seen the udder cover before. But definitely like them. Great and very beautiful idea!

Greetings from Lehrte near Hannover in Germany


Milt and Jo said...

I am with you on this one. This just reminds me that we need to be considerate of others. The world isn't just all about us (me).

AnnCP said...

Well said Alice!

jordan gold said...

That's why I carry a wad of 1's around. It defuses the situation when you start throwing dollar bills. No one complains then.

ShEiLa said...

Oh Miss Alice... you are in BIG trouble with LG. ;)

YOU only told the truth. Men do love boobs... if they had their own they wouldn't need ours.

I remember with my first baby... we were headed in the car with another couple to some event... dinner or a movie... I don't remember. But I did have to nurse Celestial on the way. Both us ladies were in the back seat (I was trying to spare our male-friend any embarassment)but she was a loud nurser... and the sound of her sucking started turning him red... I could see it going up his neck and I am sure his face was beet red. At least he couldn't see what was happening in the back.


We Are A Happy Family said...

Amen! I once got in trouble for thinking that I needed to cover up infront of my boys. The lady thought I was awful and That I believed breast feeding was pornography. Personally I feel that immodesty(even breastfeeding) is pornography and my kids nor husband need to see it.

terbear287 said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Kim said...

I don't agree with you at all. Mother's rooms and nursing covers are great for those who prefer to use it. They were actually made more for Mother's comfort than anything.

Do you think that in other countries Mother's rooms are used in church? I doubt it. I nurse in Sacrament meeting because I want to take the Sacrament. There is no shame in that.

If your husband is turned on by watching a baby breastfeed, that is his problem, and he can look away. He is an adult and if he can't make the distinction between breasts serving their God given purpose and a sexual object, then that is really sad for him.

There is nothing immodest about breastfeeding in public. You can be discreet without covering up, and that is what many women do.

Again, if you don't want to see it, don't watch. It is as easy as that.

Tonya C. said...

Agreed, Kim. If pornographic nursing boobs are a problem, how'd you get your kids in the first place?? Both sex and breastfeeding are apparently "God given". Why the sad distinction on the female body? Who chose to sexualize the female form in the first place -- a child or an adult? Do you cover your breasts during sex so your husband isn't offended, or, worse yet, turned on? I believe there is something wrong with a religious culture that represses sexuality so much that a nursing mother is considered porn. Time to grow up and be adults.

Loralee Choate said...




I got nothing else at the moment.

SUEB0B said...

Isn't the baby's head in the way? I mean, don't you have to be jockeying for position to actually see much boobage?

mom2nji said...

Sorry if your husband gets riled up at seeing a mom breastfeed its HIS problem NOT anyone else (perhaps yours too). Sorry but you are painting your husband as some sex starved freak who can't handle seeing a baby be fed. I find it disrespectful, to him.
It's 100+ degrees here more than half the year, I will not melt myself or my baby or my baby to protect your husband from his pervy issues and your complex. I am not whipping it out in a mall, I will be as discrete as possible, but I will not suffer for you.

erin said...

the best part about all of this is that the law is on my side. Oh and I have BIG BOOBS so while their may be a baby head in front of me, chances are your freakazoid hubs is going to love to catch an eyeful of the rest of that milk bag dancing around while my baby EATS.

Personally I think people should have to chew with their hands in front of their mouths. I find chewed up food to be far more objectionable then a breastfeeding baby.

Kakunaa said...

I tried covers, only in VERY public places. And I quit. Because it makes it more difficult to get situated, make sure he is okay, and help him re-latch when he gets distracted. Only in this country do we have such an issue with the boobage. Most cultures see them for what they are: a food service. God forbid you ever travel to Africa or anywhere else where women are topless and thighs are the sexual body part - rightfully so as that leads to our ACTUAL sex organs.

If I am breastfeeding I am not parading my boobs around for attention. I am feeding my child, and I refuse to be embarassed by it. If other people can't handle something women have been doing since we were apes, too bad.

Does he get weird reading National Geographic, too?

I find men's chests sexy...maybe they should wear bikinis, too.

Anonymous said...

Grow Up! Women in every other country breastfeed openly since it's natural & MOST adults should be mature enough to understand that it isn't a sexual act. Women like you don't deserve children since you can't see what's good for them as a necessity instead of a joke. America has set forth what is a norm in society and everything that is not a norm is taboo. Breastfeeding is the natural and most beneficial way to feed a baby. You clearly don't understand human nature. Ugh, people like you make me sick. If your husband gets off on breastfeeding 1) He should be labeled a child predator & 2) You must not be pleasing them yourself!

Syl said...

Bottom line, it's legal for women to breastfeed in public in almost all states. So, tough luck to those who seem to equate breastfeeding to anything pornographical.

Maybe if husbands saw their wives breastfeed their own kids, they wouldn't think twice of other women feeding their children in public. I can't believe somebody would hide breastfeeding from their own husbands.

I also can't believe somebody would have a problem with a mother breast-feeding in church, where images of baby Jesus and Mary are everywhere.

Makinna said...

Dear Alice, I love you... Why does caring about modesty go out the window while breastfeeding??? hmmm I think women should breastfeed anywhere they want but its REALLY not that big of a deal to drape something over yourself, the baby wont care promise. I TOTALLY understand the slips, who wouldn't, but to give it no effort at all. Also, the men folk are simple creatures its a boob... doesn't matter what said boob is or is not doing, its still a boob... and if you think your husband thinks otherwise... he must be a butt man ;)

Anonymous said...

Cover up your boobs...i agree if you say it makes a man a perv to look at a boob...then you've never met a honest man in your life. Men are designed that way. Its not like they are getting all turned on, but its a boob. I mean yes its natural, but seriously so is farting but I rather people not do it around me. If its okay to show your boob just cuz a baby is eating on it, why is it not okay to show it cuz it has an itch you can't get to without ripping your shirt off. Yes go ahead breast feed where ever you want, but try and cover, or live in denial and think men and women are not feeling akward because of it.

Anonymous said...

So when Jesus was teaching the Sermon on the Mount or feeding the thousands do you think all the nursing mothers were hiding behind rocks? Do you really think He would be offended if a woman was nursing in front of Him? If He wouldn't be offended then why should you be? Oh that's right, because your society has told you that breasts are primarily sexual objects and any other use is simply "tolerated" out of necessity. So sad for you that you believe that lie.

Steve Westover said...

Wow, some of you can't understand Alices tongue in cheek humor and are so militant about your right to flip your breasts out however and whenever you want, with no consideration for anyone else, that you resort to personal attacks on Alice and her husband. Pathetic and selfish for you to behave that way. Get a grip.

People generally don't get upset about a mother needing to feed a child but we do get upset about feminaziism and rudeness.

Rachael said...

oh, I love this controversial topic!! I'm right with you. Yes, in other parts of the world, women walk around topless but we aren't in OTHER parts of the world. We're here, in the USA, on the west coast, where it's not actually legal to be topless in unspecified areas, right? and as much as I love and advocate breast feeding, it's considerate to cover up for the sake of everyone else around. There are so many ways to be discreet without leaving the room. Best story was one ward where our mother's lounge couldn't accommodate the 15 nursing mothers we had (seriously - and it wasn't Utah, either!) and they invited us to stay in RS. Loved the idea of that, but my little guy happened to be the LOUDEST little nurser ever and also quite a proficient burper. I was in the back row and I swear the front row turned out when he got his bubbles out. I didn't nurse in there again, not because anyone said anything but just for simple courtesy. who wants to hear slurpy sucking sounds and giant burps in a church class anyway?! It's all about thinking about others on this one.

Renee said...

Crapping is natural too, but I don't want to see that in sacrament meeting either. I'm with LG.

Debbie said...

boobs are sexual for men. Always have been, always will be. And no matter how many times they get drilled about "breasts only purpose is to feed babies", it doesn't change the fact that men are wired to get turned on my breasts. God made men that way. They can't help it. So breastfeed your babies anywhere you choose, but don't flash the boobs. Then it is a win/win situation.

Anonymous said...

How do you make a pound of fat look good?

Put a nipple on it and call it a boob.

Anonymous said...

I wouldn't feel right looking at boobs during church. Talk about lightening strikes. I prefer to look at pornography at home like the rest of the world, in the privacy of my own room.

Tandi Davis said...

Oh my goodness some of you ladies are just down right rude!! So you'd really be totally cool with a hot mom whipping out her boob right in front of your husband to nurse? I highly doubt you would be. Nursing is a beautiful, miraculous, god given privilege, but I think in our day and age it just isn't appropriate to show them in public. Atleast throw on a blanket so I don't have to look at your ta ta.

Anonymous said...

Sounds like you have the female version of penis envy...boob envy. Just let your husband motor boat you more often :)

Linda C said...

You and I don't always agree on hot topics, but this one I am totally on board with ...is it that freakin' difficult to cover it up? My momma always did.

And whoa, did somebody's baby suck all the sense of humor out of these people??!!

Yo Mama said...

LG- I know you aren't a perv. Seriously people calm down.

Anonymous said...

"really be totally cool with a hot mom whipping out her boob right in front of your husband to nurse"

I certainly can appreciate modesty and I believe there is a time and place for everything. But if my husband gets all riled up over a "hot mom whipping out her boob" to nurse; my problem isnt that nursing mother its my husband. And if Im insecure about it, then I need to work on myself and why I feel threatened.

Any sensible man can differentiate between exposure thats intended to be sexual and a mom nursing.Now is the mom is staring at your husband, licking her lips and whipping her hair around, thats another story. :) I understand our culture and also grew up in a church going home, in my opinion thats why we have so much sexual deviance, because everything is so shunned. If nursing mothers was the norm, it wouldnt seen so unnatural to do it. And we wouldnt have to spend so much money advocating for mothers to breast feed as "God" intended us too. Breast feeding is beautiful and natural, embrace it. Work with your husband on how to deal with it. Show him how to properly excuse himself if need be. And if you think that you are going to hell for nursing a baby in the presence of a man, you need to think about the church you are attending. Be encouraged, you will work through this!Good luck!

jordan gold said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
jordan said...

Dang Alice, I don't think I have 33 comments on my entire blog. Maybe I need to be more controversial than trying to be funny.

I like boobs, In fact I love them so much, I'm growing a set of my own right now.

Raylyn Haggan said...

Guess what everyone this is
Alices blog where she is entitled to voice her humor and opinion. You don't have to like it. Plus if you had read the whole thing and not the parts you can't stop dwelling over you would see she's being FUNNY....try getting over your preachy selves and read someone's opinion.... Goodness.

Plus if you want to get off your high horse at least have the guts to post your name,

LG is not a perv. He is a sweet man, great dad and patient husband. Alice speaks and apparently types what she thinks....don't make a mountain out of mole hill. It's just what happens when you're a stay at home mom. Or move away from all your friends. At least she's brave enough to post her honest opinion for all of the people who know this is true. I'm sure if this show you react your husband wouldn't tell you in the first place.

Kim said...

Man, I'm bummed I missed out on all the excitement! And where's Jordan's comment?? Anyways, I think the reason why people are so riled up is because it's difficult to tell what is satire and what you actually believe. While it's true that boobs can be a turn on for men, it doesn't mean it is all the time. My husband couldn't care less about breastfeeding boobs (mine or anyone else's:). Honestly, I don't care if people breastfeed openly. Though, the person who mentioned that the noisiness can be a distraction in church is right. Slurpy, burpy noises definitely make it harder to pay attention. We've made it such a big deal but I just don't think it is.

joe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Donna said...

who is the idiot that keeps posting anonymous?

atleast have the balls to back up your comments with your face.

I breastfeed in public. On the train, in museums, in church. Cause I don't want to haul my other two kids with me in the mothers lounge since my hubby's on the stand. I don't care, but I do cover it up, with a blanket. or try my best to cover it with my shirt. I've never had a nipple mishap.

But I do remember in TN when the spanish ward was combined with the relief society. This four year old, was standing there nibbling on her moms huge boob. Then the kid walked away and the mom's boob was hanging out. I mean this lady had freakin "f's" I know its hard times but get on WIC or something! This is America, land of the handouts. You don't need to be breastfeeding your kid till they're in Kindergarten.

Marilyn said...

Wow--I am probably the only one NURSING RIGHT NOW while typing and while reading all the feisty comments. I have eight children and have nursed for over 10 years! I cover up in public and leave church meetings to nurse--I just leave my kids in the meeting and let Faye (Alice's mother-in-law) take care of the other 7! HaHa

Ali, you are great. This will really up your readership! Hope that you are all doing well.

Rachel S said...

LOL! Donna you're cracking me up. Good laugh this morning. I have to agree with Alice. I breastfeed my daughter who has two older brothers. One that was just becoming a teenager and one that was a teenager wanna be. They would have been horrified to see their mother's boob. (Yes they know it is natural, that a woman should breastfeed and she should be able to feed her baby anywhere and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah) They still would have been horrified. I didn't always use a blanket in front of them, but made sure I didn't have boob hanging out all over the place. I went to the mother's lounge when at church for the sake of all the other teenage boys. And to all you women who think it beneath you us the mother's lounge at church.....you are sooo missing out. Boring speaker? Off to the mother's lounge to chat with another mom. Kid had you up all night? Off to the lounge for a nap. (That is the lounge part of it right?) (Yes, I have taken a nap in there.) Someone talking your ear off in the hall and just won't stop? Umm I gotta go to the lounge.

And to all you mamma's claiming there is something wrong with a man who see's boobs as sexual and should be getting their boobage quota for the day from their wife and not even notice another woman's boobs----what about my teenage sons? They're really good son's, but they don't have a wife and let's face it, they are boys. I support your right to breastfeed where you want, but please try cover it up some so you are not showing you boob to my son. Yes I have taught them right, but I am not ignorant to the fact that sometimes their hormones speak louder than my words. (And if your boob is hanging out in sacrament, I have a feeling their hormones are yelling way louder than the speaker.) Thanks!

Rachel S said...

Just reread my post. Sorry about all the misspellings and grammer errors. (I'm from Tennessee and was just trying to represent.) No seriously, it has been declaired Harry Potter Day here at my house and we are way behind on starting the movie and I was rushing a little too much, but I am sure everyone understands.... :-)

Michelle Ford said...

I'm wondering how all of you who are telling Alice to "grow up", get off acting like children yourselves. Its pretty ridiculous when you are telling someone you don't know that they don't deserve children because they don't want you flopping your boob out any ole where you go!! I know the Gold children, personally, my daughters went to school with them for years. I can tell you first hand that they are wonderful children, and Alice is a peach. We, as a nation have the right to express whatever opinion we have, that's the beauty of living in America. You as well, are entitled to your opinions... but, if your opinions are as such that you think that Alice "don't deserve children" then you need to get off her blog because she is just as good a mother as YOU or I.
~And I agree with Alice. Breastfeeding your child is a bonding experience, and everyone else in the public do not need to bond with you or your child. And to say that we should cover our mouths with our hand is ludicrous. I understand that babies get their nourishment through breastfeeding, just as we get ours by chewing... but no one has to flop a boob out on the table in order to feed me. I am completely for breastfeeding, and if I decide to have another child I will breastfeed, but I will not flop my personal parts out for everyone to see. I'm sure you wouldn't like it as much if there weren't doors on the bathroom stalls, and I had to urinate in front of you! So to those who tell Alice she doesn't deserve to be a mother, GROW UP!!

Steve Westover said...

I have to confess, I haven't breastfed for decades, therefor I don't see a breast and think, Mmmm Food.

The lack of consideration for others by some women who breast feed is illustrated both by their unwillingness to take simple steps to cover up, and their rude comments on this post.

Anonymous said...

And yet another post that so illustrates why the internet thinks Mormons are insane and absolutely bizarre.

You are on the internet. Tying your husband and your religion to something that is just...screaming of insecurity at best and pathetic at worst.

This is not humor. If you come and say that these are not your feelings and that you didn't smack down a woman nursing at church, then ok. But the people saying "CAN'T YOU TAKE A JOKE, OH, MY HECK!" Are off too. You can wrap awfulness in a funny little bow and think everyone should be fine with the delivery. It reeked.

You wanted attention for this post? You got it. And no one but a tiny few of your neighbors and family care for it.

And your husband? I feel for the man. Or rather, I feel for his reputation. Your husband was an attorney that is now using social media for a software company in Orem Utah and you are putting him up as a sick perv that gets hot for nursing women? Smart.

Can't wait to see what happens when employers and potential clients Google "LEGRAND GOLD, OREM UTAH" and come up with "MY HUSBAND WONDERS IF HE CAN GET INTO HEAVEN IF HE STARES AT LACTATING BREASTS."

Did you EVEN think about that?

Seriously, you are clueless. You are not funny. This post is so awful I don't know where to start. I came here with an open mind from Kim's blog and was horrified at you. AND I BOTTLE FEED AND DO NOT NURSE IN PUBLIC. So don't label me a 'Nazi' (nice choice of words btw. Highly illustrative.) You could learn from Kim, from Loralee, from Catherine or Annie or hell, any other blogger with any kind of sense. So go and fame whore. But really, close your blog and keep it private if your family and friends can't take the exposure that comes with being a blogger with more than 20 people reading you a week.

Anonymous said...

Alice, I love you. I am sorry that some people are narrow-minded and have the same sense of humor as a cardboard box. Since that was a joke (and some people don't get humor) let me explains: That means you don't have a sense of humor.


Brightons mom said...

I think Will.I.Am and the Pussy Cat Dolls have a song perfect for this...
It's funny how a man only thinks about the...BEEP
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your...BEEP
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...BEEP
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...BEEP

Steve Westover said...

I'm really glad the brave "anonymous" commentor told us she is "open minded" because I wouldn't have noticed otherwise.

By the way, the femi"nazi" comment was mine, not hers. And I stand by it :>)

Brightons mom said...

I could add a verse:

Funny how you nursing a baby and I'm only looking at your....BEEP!

Michelle Ford said...

So.... Ms (assuming here) Anonymous reader,

"Seriously, you are clueless. You are not funny. This post is so awful I don't know where to start. I came here with an open mind from Kim's blog and was horrified at you. AND I BOTTLE FEED AND DO NOT NURSE IN PUBLIC. So don't label me a 'Nazi' (nice choice of words btw. Highly illustrative.) You could learn from Kim, from Loralee, from Catherine or Annie or hell, any other blogger with any kind of sense. So go and fame whore. But really, close your blog and keep it private if your family and friends can't take the exposure that comes with being a blogger with more than 20 people reading you a week." ~This is your opinion, just like this ENTIRE blog is Alice's opinion. Its her right to blog about whatever she chooses, just as it is your right to not read it.
If you feel so passionately about the issue, feel free to remove your bra and your shirt and walk around your hometown for a while. I can guarantee that the locals won't like it, and although you wouldn't have an infant hanging off of them, its pretty much the same thing! And as far as attacking, her religion.... please stop. Apparently you are the only one that has something against Mormans, seeing as how you are the only one who has attacked her religion.

Adrienne said...

Know what's sexy? Lips. Lips are sexy. Do I need to cover those?

What about my hands? Those are sexy.

Neck? Elbows? Hair?

Our culture fetishizes breasts, but like so many other parts of the body they have a dual (or more) purpose.

Know what happens when people get all freaked out about other people's sexuality? Think about it. I myself think I would find a burqa uncomfortable, hot, and confining.

Frankly, during my years of breastfeeding babies and toddlers, I was far more concerned with meeting my babies' needs for food and comfort than anyone else's need to avoid tripping and falling into the pit of hell because they glimpsed my breast.

I'm just grateful that my husband's sexuality is under his control such that other women's bared breasts (for the purposes of feeding a baby or because they like to wear revealing clothing) are not a concern. But if those breasts were a concern, it would be my husband's problem, not the women behind said breasts!

Anonymous said...

Some of you godless liberals are missing the point. Nursing is like gateway porn for sexually repressed Mormon men, all of whom become addicted for life to masturbation, pornography, and the Democratic Party instantly upon seeing a new mother feeding her child.

Mother 25 - 8 said...

Renee and Donna. CRACKED ME UP! Anonymous mean lady, you're scary. Brighton's Mom, you hit the nail on the head regarding why women shouldn't run around showing "stuff." We tell our young daughters to "cover up" for the same reason nursing moms should cover up. And when I say "cover up" while nursing, it doesn't have to be with some comforter or even an "udder cover" thing. I've nursed for over 10 years and have used anything from a blanket to my shirt to my head! I've never flashed anyone and my babies have all nursed happily in such circumstances. Boobs serve many purposes. Baseball bats serve many purposes. Umbrellas serve many purposes. And this is where wisdom comes into play.

Dorry said...

wow, so stressed after reading those comments.

I think covering up in public is about respect. Respect for people in your presence. Respect for yourself. Respect for modesty. Lastly respect for your child and your other children.
I can't name one person who would be happy that other people saw their moms "boob", accidentally, intentionally, or sexually.
Am I alone in this?

Diana W. Windley said...

Wow Alice...congrats on getting the most comments I've ever seen on a blog with the exception of The Pioneer Woman.

Here's a question for the forum: if it's okay to expose yourself in public to breastfeed, is it okay to pump in public? Afterall, the act will provide nourishment for the baby...just not right at that moment.

Many companies are now offering private rooms where working moms can pump during the day, along with fridges for them to store their milk? I think it's an awesome idea for many reasons, including the fact that it's a PRIVATE room. Because you know what, I don't want to walk-in on my co-worker pumping in her office...or taking up a stall for 20 minutes in the ladies room...or storing breast milk in the fridge that 80 of us share.

I prefer that women cover-up. My husband, father, brother and brother-in-laws all feel the same way.

Unknown said...

I have remained silent only because I've had enough experience on the internet to know that some people come here for their sole entertainment and there is no reasoning with them.

I will not argue with you people.

I am funny. Sometimes I am not funny. Apparently it depends solely on your sense of humor.

I don't care if you throw darts at my head, but when you mess with my husband it takes me a day to calm down before writing my response.

You see, I like to be nice. And I would never dream of attacking you personally...even if you are the woman who leaves her boob hanging out for everyone to see.

I am so glad I also have funny friends who make me laugh. Very important among the haters. Making my friends smile is the only reason I keep blogging. I am glad so many of you got a laugh or two, if not from me, from my even funnier friends.

My husband and I did have words regarding his reputation online only because you crazies all turned him into a perv. There would have been nothing wrong if it weren't for those of you who took this post, sucked all the humor out of it, and started interpreting it how you may.

LG is not a perv. He is the kindest man in the universe and he doesn't go around checking out women while they are nursing. (Let's make that absolutely clear for all you nursing moms at church, because the kind of person that he is, that was the first thing that he worried about - making a nursing mom uncomfortable) He does look away as quickly as possible. He didn't even watch me while nursing 3 of my 4 children most of the time.

He prefers my boobs without nursing bras and without milk that squirts all over him. Not saying there is anything wrong with that, if that's your husband's thing..which for some of you, I do so hope that it is.

For LG's potential employers or his current employers: beware, the man loves boobs. He is a boob guy. Plain and simple. I do flash him a peek now and again, and I'm pretty sure it's enough for him, for the time being. When my boobs start to sag another few feet, you may have a problem on your hands...or you may need to give him a raise so that I can get the twins lifted. Because, let's face it, some of these haters did have a point, unless he gets his boob fix often enough, he may never be an ideal employee.

Unless, of course, some of these more liberal nursing women need a job in the software business and become employed by you also....hmm...I may have just thought of a great Christmas bonus for an office full of mostly (if not all) heterosexual men.

That was a joke. Just in case you didn't understand.

Unknown said...

Oh, and one last thing, does anyone WITH a sense of humor find it ironic that most of the haters came over from a blog called loraleeslooneytunes.

Pure perfection.

Anonymous said...

"You see, I like to be nice. And I would never dream of attacking you personally"

Rich. Smashing Loralee because multiple people linked your nuts blog post in her comments and she's a huge blogger? People have their opinions. Most over there with the exception of a couple are nice. I've read her for 3 years and am a loyal loyal fan and reader. She is nice and is known for being so. If something rankles her people know it is with good reason. And she never attacks and never encourages it. And she actually sides on pubic nurings more with you on this than other people. And you blame her for people thinking this post is whack and then make fun the very real struggles she's had because people coming here and reading and deciding this post is awful? Loralee's Looney Tunes IS the name of her blog. Wanna know why?

She had a 5 month old baby die and had a breakdown. She tries to make the best of it. She has explained the name for her title. Not that you care. You're too busy being "Nice".

Anonymous said...

Honey! Stop!! This is your husband! For the love of our marriage! Please stop discouraging women from breastfeeding in front of me! It's all I've got!!!!!!

And stay off the Internet- people can read this crap!!!

Anonymous said...

Personally, the only reason I breastfeed my babies is so that I can show my nipples in public, particularly in sacrament meeting. That is why I put up with cracked and bleeding nipples, clogged ducts, mastitis, nursing strikes, and nursing for well over two years. I just really enjoy watching men become aroused in sacrament meeting. I am that hot nursing mom, by the way - who whips out her breast in church while eyeing your husband seductively. I also nurse because I believe in the ideals of Hitler's National Socialist movement, and enjoy the opportunity to finally claim my "Nazi" label publicly. Because, as we all know, next to the massacre of 6 million Jews, the next group to be associated with the moniker "Nazi" are absolutely La Leche League Leaders.

Anonymous said...

Alice, you have white trash values and you lack the class necessary to not shame your husband in public, all so you can generate controversy on your blog.

Didn't you learn anything when you publicly shamed LeGrand on facebook a while back? Maybe you should rename your blog, "How to Weaken Your Marriage by Using the Internet."

Anonymous said...

All I can say is...

Now I really want to make "Lactating Liberal" t-shirts, specially designed to be good for nursing in public.


Anonymous said...

"I don't know how it is for you flat chested ladies out there" - Really?! This is your sense of humor? You are NOT funny. Please stop blogging, you're just embarrassing yourself.

Steve Westover said...

Dear Humorlous Anonymous,

At least Alice has the courage to link her name to her comments.

For the record, I don't even know Alice but I am happy to stand with her against vicious personal attacks, rudeness and general stupidity.

For those of you offended by the term feminazi-- Look it up and you'll see that it applies perfectly.

Unknown said...

Dear Anonymous,

I wish you would reference accurately what you are talking about that occurred on my facebook because I slightly remember people being upset by something that I said one time, but I have no recollection what really happened and if you are going to throw me under the bus on my own blog, I would appreciate you being forthright for my readers who actually like me.

I sincerely hope that if you have such problems with me that you de-friended me on facebook because it kind of creeps me out that you are stalking me.

I am white trash, so you saying that to me doesn't hurt. You are going to have to get a whole lot more personal to hurt me. I am proud of the battles that I fight every day to overcome my weaknesses. I don't know why you can show such compassion for a complete stranger on the internet, but can't show an ounce of decency to me.

FYI - if you really want to hurt me, go for the sincere pain I carry around inside. You could call me fat. You could reference the marital struggles I have had (although I promise that you have no idea what they are). You could make fun of my mental illness. How about my struggles with codependency, that's kind of raw at times.

I wish you would come out in the open so we could talk like adults.

I truly worry about your mental stability....something that I am very familiar with. I would love to help you through any of your struggles. I have helped many in their time of need, but it required them being humble enough to ask for it.

What you are doing here may be the norm on many blogs on the internet, but theyare blogs that I try to avoid because I truly don't need more drama in my life.

Apparently, you do. I urge you to ask yourself why you are acting this way? If you have some old business with me, I encourage you to come to me and talk it over because I would love to apologize to your face. I would also love for you to alleviate some of your own burdens that you are obviously carrying around every day.

I regret leaving a comment on loralee's blog. 100%. Because guess what? My post didn't bother my hubby at all. Not a bit. He gets my sense of humor. Your hurtful comments about HIM and HIS WIFE did hurt him and therefore that hurts me too.

I didn't have any idea about Loralee's struggles. I just went over there on a recommendation from a friend after reading this post.

I have total empathy for her in her plight and would never make fun of her in healthfully trying to handle her trials. I offer you the same courtesy. I obviously hit some kid of chord with you, and if you truly are looney, I mourn WITH you. However, if you are just mean, then I reserve my right to call you looney til the cows come home because that is how I deal with the hurt that you are so set on dishing out to me.

And all this drama on this post hasn't done an ounce of good for promoting my blog. And even though I would love more readership, I will shut this whole thing down in 2 seconds if I had to choose between it and my God or my husband.

To my other readers: I won't tell you what to do, but I encourage you to NOT respond to anonymous because I think we are just egging her/him on.

Man,I hate anonymous. I am truly going to be sulking around my house all day wondering which one of my friends I should be praying for.

I will be praying for you. Sincerely praying for you. And praying for me to love you. I will not respond to another one of your comments on here, but feel free to shoot away at your will because we live in America, and the internet is a place where our right to free speech still runs strong. So fortunate for people like you who prefer not to communicate in person.

VERA said...

Alice, now you see why it was so sad for you to move away. While they were picking on you,they were leaving me alone! I have not commented on a blog before but comments on Facebook made me curious.I must be missing something because I do not see how someone nursing in public making someone uncomfotable, lead to all this. Blogs are like T.V. shows, if you don't like it-don't watch it.I do have a problem with someone posting the husband's full name, employer and occupation-'Anonymously'. If you disagree with the blog, take it up with her instead of attacking a man's reputation that you do not know. Also I felt I had to address the comment about Alice referring to the other blogger. I've walked in that lady's shoes. I lost my youngest son in a car accident along with what sanity I had left-but you know who the first person I saw walking in carrying all her arms could hold that day? Alice that's who. She did not mean harm to anyone.If half of you who posted would e-mail the President instead, maybe Grandma will get her Social Security check next month!

Heather Maret said...

Alice ... I love you ... I think you are very funny ... not only funny but incredibly talented and gifted!! You are an amazing wife and mom and I am proud to call you my friend!!! I also, have the utmost respect for your hub ... he is a good man!! PLEASE don't listen to this hateful annonymous person ... you are so NOT the person they say you are!!! None of us are perfect so Annonymous needs to stop throwing stones and "man up" ... you at least deserve the courtesy of knowing who is running you in the ground!! Move on my friend ... those that know you, love you ... JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!

Melanie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Meagan said...

I believe all of the worms you were wanting came out of that can...maybe a few other cans were opened too :)

Sarah said...

Your comments in response to anonymous and others who disagreed with this post are completely immature. I'm sure you're smart enough to know that this topic is extremely controversial, regardless of how white trash you claim to be, so you should have been prepared to handle the consequences.

Mormons often hold themselves to a high standard but you have shown none of that in this instance. Honestly people like you are a big part of the reason I left the LDS church; you go around saying how much you love God and your religion but then the next second you are telling someone you hate them (like you did to anonymous). If I remember correctly Jesus did not spread the word about hating people if they are mean to you...perhaps you missed the lesson about turning the other cheek.

If you are upset with the people who disagreed with you, fine. Say so respectfully and move on. No need to be passive aggressive and insult anonymous the way she did to you. It's hypocritical and childish.

Despite having left the church, I often seek out blogs written by Mormons because I find them to be positive and uplifting. I haven't seen much of that here and will definitely not be returning (along with many others, given the comments I've seen).

Jacqueline Williams said...

I've got to say, as and LDS mother, I find this post kind of embarrassing. I'm not unsympathetic to the fact that it makes folks uncomfortable or might make a priesthood holder squirm. I feel sympathy for the man, truly I do. But I feel it's insulting to your man and all priesthood holders to say "put those fun bags away, lest my husband fall into temptation". That is so unfair. Yes, men like boobs, yes men are deeply stimulated by the visual. But is that all that they are? The Good Lord equipped men with the gift of reason and paternity and compassion, do we think this little of our men that we expect these traits and virtues to be no match against the biological forces of the natural man? How sad, how very very sad. I think there are more issues at play here in the cover up debate than you are acknowledging. Breastfeeding needs to be normalized, our priesthood holders would sure benefit from this. He wouldn't have the to do the do i look to I not look dance in his mind if it was something that was socially acceptable, he would think oh look she is feeding her baby and then go about his business. As part of a multi cultural extended family, many of whom are worthy priesthood holders, I can tell you that none of them are uncomfortable at the sight of a nursing breast. Doesn't phase them. You know why? They grew up with it. We'd do our children a service by allowing them the same exposure (no pun intended) to the normal nursing dyad. And while it may have been easy for you to nurse covered, or for many of you commenters, but there are those of use for whom it was truly a challenge. One I believe we shouldn't have to face if we don't want to. Covering and retreating with my first child was difficult and caused me much depression. Yes, depression. No, I'm not exaggerating the condition or the cause. If you only knew what it does to some women.
As one latter day saint mom to another, all sarcasm aside, I'm sincerely asking you to read these blogposts. As Sisters In Zion we are supposed to bear one another's burdens and support eachother, as members of the church we are supposed to yolk to one another. This hardly seems supportive to me. Just think about it from a few other perspectives.

Breastfeeding and Modesty from another LDS mom,

Why seeing other's breastfeed is culturally important:

Theresa said...

I just wanted to let you know I'm standing with you. Whether I agreed with you or not was NOT the point ... this post was FUN--NY! Which, I think, IS your point! LOL!!

I had never heard of you or your blog before today, and although I'm so sorry for the hurt it caused you, I am so thankful for all the hoop-la, otherwise I may never have found you!

And for the record, I am not LDS, although I am what most would consider an ultra-conservative, right-wing Christian.

I am now following your blog in my Google Reader "favorites" folder (be impressed! It is unheard of for a new-to-me blog to go directly into my favorites folder! LOL!)and I "liked" you on facebook. I am greatly admiring your grace under pressure and have been so encouraged by you today!

Theresa, who is logging in under her google account even though she doesn't blog anymore 'cuz I don't want to be thought of as anonymous ... hah!

Anonymous said...

I think the ONLY reasonable comment here is Jacqueline's.

I also think the only reason you mentioned Loralee or linked to her was to get blog traffic. You thought you'd get chuckles out of people and then backpedaled when people weren't laughing.

Rowan Mayfaire said...

I don't know why everyone is so upset, I think this post was hilarious and well written!

Anonymous said...

Wow, all these women who are all for whipping the boobs out to feed a baby where-ever and when ever cuz boobs are not just for sex...let me just say I am sooo thankful GOD did not design babies to nurse from the penis...cuz I would hate to see those whip out everywhere!! would your opinion be different then? every part of out body has multiply uses, use wisdom and mondesty at all times.

Michelle Ford said...

FINALLY.... an anonymous that knows what they are talking about!!! Thank the LORD!!!

formermember said...

Honestly, when women nurse in public, either nothing or at the very least, a tiny sliver of skin is exposed. Those women who just open up their shirts and let their whole chest hang out are like 1 out of 300. So, with that being said, the fact that your husband doesn't want to see a woman nurse her baby bc of the temptation and the fact that you are concerned about his temptation in seeing it concerns me. Any man who gets aroused by watching a child nurse is questionable. Be honest with yourself. This isn't because he sees breasts. The child's head is in the way so the most he sees is a little bit of skin. If my husband got turned on by a choked nursing I would be VERY concerned. Little children should never arouse anyone.

formermember said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Anonymous said...

Thank goodness for LG! I have been afraid all these years that I was the only man on the planet who liked boobs. Now I can actually take those “illustrative” National Geographic out from under my mattress and display them proudly on the coffee table without feeling like a pervert.

News alert to all you women out there- men LOVE boobs! It's that simple. We have no control over it. It's called testosterone. Our fascination with boobs begins at about 9 or so (minutes that is, not months or years), and ends when they are shoveling dirt on our cold dead bodies. We don't make any distinction about the purpose of the delightful mammary gland- we just love them and love to see them any chance we get. It has nothing to do with the baby. If you want to make it easy for us to sneak a peek- NO PROBLEM. You have my permission.

You may think you are only breastfeeding your kid, but to a man, when you pull your milk jugs out like that in public, it is like winning the lottery (sorry, I meant Ward raffle). Don't you know that breasts were actually invented for husbands; we only lend them out, and begrudgingly at that, so that our offspring won't die. In my opinion, it's a shame so many people bottle-feed their children nowadays.

So while it is your legal right to breastfeed in public, it is also my legal right to WATCH you breastfeed in public (so long as my wife isn't watching me watching you). I am a happily married father of six kids, and I am not a PERVERT. At least not any more perverted than the average testosterone ridden male.

By the way LG, what ward do you go to?

formermember said...

Hey Anonymous Dad, you getting excited over seeing a little bit of my skin doesn't phase me. You comment like we are supposed to be embarrassed that you get off on it or something. I couldn't care less. What I do care about is a man who gets excited seeing a child sucking on a breast. Creeper much? I mean, if my husband found women nursing sexual, I would ask him to seek counseling. Yeah, he likes boobs. I've got a great pair. But when I nurse? Thank God he isn't a pervert.

Anonymous said...

To former member: You just don't get it do you?! It has nothing to do with breastfeeding, which I don't find interesting in the least. It's the boobs! Covering up or going to the lounge when you breastfeed is a sign of respect for the people around you. Of course you don't have to do it, but you can choose to do it. My opinion is that some people care more about their right to breastfeed in public than they have respect and concern for those around them. It's all about YOU YOU YOU! Sure you may try to rationalize it any way you like using whatever argument you like, but a modest women covers up or goes outside, or preferably, BOTH- goes outside and covers up. This is the definition of modesty- caring more about the feelings of others than about your own.

Daddy of six

Just Vegas said...

Wow. This post is just... I don't know. I can see that you were trying to be funny but shaming other women and defining men by their basest selves is not really funny. You even threw in a potshot at "flat-chested women". Think of it this way, "My husband is a belly man, he loves my flat belly. I don't know about you fat girls out there." We can say that we're just being funny and other people don't get it but when being funny hurts someone else, it's no longer funny. When you say that you were just being funny and that your husband isn't pervy, do you mean that he doesn't actually enjoy watching someone nurse? I've yet to meet a man who can get turned on by a nursing breast. It might clear things up a bit to say that he does NOT in fact "want to be looking at that!"
That said, some of the commenters were simply awful to you and I'm sorry that you've had to go through that, I know it sucks. Of course, if you write about controversial topics, even in an effort to be funny, you're going to get flak. Also, I don't see how this comes back to Loralee? Someone else posted the link in her comments (I think?). I hope that you are able to recover from this experience quickly and maybe learn something about the pitfalls involved in posting your opinions about other people. Peace.

Anonymous said...

Hi Alice,
I'm a new reader coming over from Loralee's blog, which I found from Annie's PhD in Parenting blog. So both you and Loralee's blogs are new to me. I am not LDS and have not breastfed yet as I have not given birth. I am a little unsure how much of your blog is intended satire and how much is your opinion. I definitely think that women should strive for modesty in area of their lives to bring honor to the Lord. However, since the Bible doesn't specifically mention modesty in breastfeeding, it is up to each individual to search their heart to discover what they feel God wants from them. This may be different from woman to woman. It is the same for the husbands and men. God made them to love the female body, and that is a beautiful thing. But it is up to the men to strive for God's perfection and choose to turn from any temptations in their lives. I personally find it a little odd that a man would see a nursing mother sexually, but if that is something that turns him on, it should drive him to his wife, who can actually meet his sexual needs.

You sure got a big reaction from people. :)

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Terry Bayer said...

LOL @ "At least he can still get into heaven." Well, men do love boobs a lot - it is a natural instinct for them to love it. No wonder many ladies who are not blessed with big, natural boobs want to have breast implants and other boob surgeries.

Breast Augmentation Los Angeles said...

its natural and no big deal that men love to see boobs. And most of women these days who are flat as slate go for breast augmentation to have boobs that men love to watch .

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Natalya said...

I breast feed my child in public. I think the child is the first priority here. If my child is hungry, and his supply of nourishment is nearby via my breasts, guess what? He's getting fed.

Your husband's reaction and/or behavior is not my responsibility--it is his. And, in fact, he should be a gentleman and show some respect for a mother and her helpless, innocent baby by averting his eyes if it offends him--or you. I don't care if he looks. I've got a child to feed.

Your outlook is teetering on the edge of deviant. It's a perfectly normal function and this country's taboos -- many religiously imposed -- are nothing short of perverted.

Oh, and by the way, I'm slender and have beautiful, full and round 34 DD breasts. :)

web design outsource said...

Good luck getting people behind this one. Though you make some VERY fascinating points, youre going to have to do more than bring up a few things that may be different than what weve already heard.

Anonymous said...

Defecating is natural. Most people don't want to watch other people do that in public, either.