Monday, February 15, 2010

My Love

(LG and I - Dec 1997 - quite possibly my favorite photo in the world)

Oh the title makes me sing...."My love, there's only you in my life, the only thing that's right".
Am I the only crazy person in the world who hears lyrics in my head on a daily basis?

Now that Valentine's Day is over, I have had a whole half of a day to reflect.
On love.
Who knew it is so complicated?
I learned in therapy last week that I am really not the greatest at receiving love.
Try fixing that one. If you have success let me know.
I am a little worried that I am not going to be able to improve in the area and I'll be left a non-loved hag.
Just call me Grinch, or Scrooge, or even Ornery Old Lady, Maxine.

So, as I told you before, LG and I have been trying to figure out ways to enhance our marriage.
I could tell you all of our baggage, but that seems to bring out some serious haters.
And I am trying to learn how to receive more LOVE not HATE.
So, let's just say that 6 years ago when LG started law school, we hit a 6 year slump.
And we are trying to slowly dig our way out.
It takes individual and combined efforts.
It's complicated and difficult.
And exhausting.
Thank goodness we have a therapist to throw us a line from time to time.

But, I have every reason to believe that we will come out on top.

Meanwhile, I am spending a lot of time reflecting.
Instead of blogging.
As you have all noticed.
(And I've been spending too much time on Facebook.)
One thing that was told to me on Facebook was to read a book.

The Five Love Languages
by Gary Chapman

I found a copy at the local and awesome used book store, McKay's.
I didn't want to wait behind 32 other people at the local library, so I forked over $7.
I had to search for the book.
It was finally found in the Christian section in the subsection High Demand.
Funny they had only two copies compared to several shelves of Bibles.
Now that's a modern conundrum.
Can I now use my reading of The Five Love Languages as an additional argument for why Mormons are Christian too?

So, I have read a good twenty pages.
I am trying to decide my love language.
The choices are:

1- quality time
2- words of affirmation
3- gifts
4- acts of service
5- physical touch

The earth shattering gospel of the book is that every person has a love language that they understand.
Love languages are learned just as a native communicating language is learned.
If your spouse doesn't show love to you in your language,
it's as if a Chinese person who speaks no English is married to a Spanish person who speaks no Chinese.

Well, because my therapist says I am not good at receiving love.
Which I have come to believe is true.
I am wondering if I even have any love language at all.
LG and I were discussing this little worry of mine.

I was reminded of a little conversation we had recently.
I said, "I think I might have a little of the language of "gifts".

A few weeks back I was telling LG that I had read a great article in Good Housekeeping about the art of the love letter.
I told LG he should read it.
He agreed that he should.
He was distracted at work on the phone.
I didn't think he was listening to me.
I said, "Do you know what would be the best love letter for me?"
He said, "What?"
I said with all the confidence I could muster:
"The dishwasher is on it's way."
He was actually listening because he laughed.

LG hasn't bought into the idea that buying me things will make our marriage more loving.
He questioned last night how him bringing me things home from The Dollar Tree could really help our marriage.
I told him that he should try it and see.
And that I think it really would.
Help our marriage.

He said, 'How does some random glass figurine make you know I love you?"
I reminded him that the first gift he ever gave me was a porcelain skunk.
And it has sat in a place of honor in our front room,
for the last twelve years.

He was silent.
As he pondered.
What he is going to buy me at the dollar tree.
Until he can afford the dishwasher.

And, my love language has been uncovered.
Now, we just have to figure out LG's.
We think his might be words of affirmation.
He likes it when I tell him that he's sexy.
I told him that spending $1 on something stupid is sexy.

Watch out therapist.
Gary Chapman is gonna steal your hardest clients.
Please, don't ever argue that facebook isn't good for a marriage.
Because although my therapist helped me to see that my love needed help in the receiving department.
A friend on facebook pointed me in the right direction.
So that I could see that I would most prefer to receive love,
in the form of a gift.

Monday, February 08, 2010

A Poopy Ending

My friend Valerie e-mailed me another funny one. It served as a reminder to me today that we can never predict the ending. And we should laugh because it's good for us.

There was a bagpiper. He was asked to play his bagpipes at the grave site of
a homeless man.

The bagpiper showed up late as he got lost in the hills of Kentucky on his
way to an unknown cemetery.

When he finally arrived he saw the workers had already started to fill in
the grave. They were now sitting and eating their lunches. He looked down and
saw the top of the casket. He took out his bagpipes and started playing with all
the heart he had for this homeless person who left this earth alone. By his last
number, Amazing Grace, the workers were all gathered around and everyone was

The bagpiper silently gathered his instrument and started for the

As he got in his car he overheard one of the workers, "WOOOOOwee. I've
never seen nothing like that before and I've been putting in septic tanks for
over twenty years."

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Anatomical Energy

There is a reason I married a guy who had the skills in Science.

I knew somebody was gonna have to teach it to our children.

Shortly after LG and I got married, we both started a new semester of college. He went to one of his advanced classes while I tried my hand at Physical Science 101. After this 2nd attempt at Physics, (the first ending horribly in High School with one of the only bad grades I remember receiving) I found my knight in shining armor waiting for me outside the room. It only took that first 45 minutes of the introduction to the semester to get me all in tears.

"I just can't take that class."

He was dumbfounded. I tried to explain. He tried to understand.

Me: "I just don't get the study of gravity. I know if I chuck this textbook at you, it will hit you. Why else do I need to know that stuff? I don't care how long it will take or how hard it will hit. Who needs the law of gravity? It's not like we are ever gonna live on the moon."

Him: "Well, Alice, that isn't technically the law of gravity, if you throw that book at me."

Me crying harder, "O.k. whatever, see I just don't care. I can't learn about something that I don't care about one iota."

"or one molecule, or atom or whatever they call that stuff."

Do they really call it mass? Matter? And there is a difference between the two?

Later that evening, while in bed, (we were newly weds who actually waited until we got married, so you can go ahead and wonder why we were still discussing this topic) we decided that Biology might be a better choice for me.

If I could get the babies here,
he would agree to teach them everything they needed to know in the area of science.

Well, tonight was the night. Where was my knight in shining armor when I needed him?

Abigail came home from the fifth grade with the confusing stuff.

"Are you serious Abigail? They really teach you this stuff in fifth grade?"

No wonder I was so lost in the 11th grade. It was the first time I remember ever seeing the material.
Did the rest of the class really get their start about 6 years earlier?

Well, I am honored to tell you that the stuff is still confusing to me.

Abigail tried to be humble. O.k. not really.

"Mom, it's so easy. Will you just test me on the stuff?"

"Um, yeah, sure."

Note to self: Someday tell Abigail the knight in shining armor story.

Here is where my explaining stopped.

This is a photo of the Nuclear Plant in Diablo Valley, CA

Me: "Abigail, there are two boobs in California. I think they are kinetic, um, I mean potential energy."

"Oh, forget it, go to bed. We'll get you up early so dad can help you."

Abigail. "Boobs, are you kidding me mom?"

Oh, yeah, I dropped Anatomy after two weeks.
I just couldn't stand the thought of seeing what was really inside of a boob.

And if you are like me and still left trying to figure it out.

Does a boob store energy or is it "energy in use"?

You will have to ask my husband. Or Abigail may be able to help you. Tomorrow.

LG just got home.
He says that the answer is: Boobs create energy.