Thursday, January 31, 2008

The Real Mitt Romney

I also bumped this post from 1/29 for my instapundit readers. Thanks Glenn again for a very fun unexpected surprise.

You MUST read this blog entry entitled "The Real Mitt Romney" by Candace Selima in California. It shows Mitt Romney giving selfless service to a family that had a burned down tree from a California fire. Wow, this article completely change my way of thinking. I am convinced that Mitt makes a wonderful presidential candidate and that he will be a remarkable President. Mitt may be the only candidate who is actually capable of leaving a legacy that hasn't been given to government since the 80's. Mitt may be the only presidential candidate willing to give anonymous service, (by wielding a shovel of all things) just because he is a Christian. Don't we need someone like this for president?

Reading this story just gave me the last nip in the you know what to jump on Mitt's band wagon. I think I am even going to ask to be a part of his campaign?

I watched the State of the Union address last night, and really enjoyed Mitt's comments during the aftershow. I have been getting more informed about the Presidential election lately. Every day I love Mitt more and more. I am convinced that he is the new Reagan to cure our very sick economy. I also know because of Mitt's life accomplishments (in government and out) that he will be able to handle pretty much whatever comes his way with success.

And, the last reason he has my vote:

I hope I won't offend Ann Romney or my husband , but LOOK at this man...he will be the best looking president since JFK. I mean really, he gives JFK a run for his money, and the man unlike JFK is a faithful husband, father, and grandfather.

Holy cow. Do we have a winner or what?

I was listening to Rush earlier today and there was a byte from a Florida poll voter.

To summarize what he said, "I am NOT a Mormon, but what a lot of people do not know about Mormons is that they take care of people. Mitt has my vote because he is a Mormon. I know he will care about the people and that his religion teaches him to honor all religions."

You can vote for whoever you would like, but whatever you do, go and read this story. It will inspire you, I promise.
I don't know about the rest of you, but I am going to stay up all night tonight to hear the results from the Florida.

Does my man hate Mitt?

I bumped this post from 1/29 for my instapundit readers! - Thanks for the link, Mr. Reynolds.

Here is the stuff that I want from the Romney shop.

LG thinks that I am on some silly kick. I have been on the internet for a good part of the evening, joining Team Mitt, reading about the election, and sending a mass e-mail to all of my friends. I even gave a monetary donation to the campaign earlier. Surprisingly, LG isn't as mad about the monetary donation (only because it was so small) as he is about the e-mail that I sent to his in box (just like I did for all of my gmail contacts) from The Mitt Romney page. He called me a spammer. He told me that I would get some backlash for sending out politically charged info. to EVERYONE in my outbox. I can't wait to see what happens. I anticipate some drama people.

LG also warned me that if I kept talking about religion and politics so much I was going to lose all my blog readers. Well, as always, I do listen and process whatever LG tells me. And, right now, here on my blog, I want to tell LG that I love him and know that he is (sometimes) right. I don't respect many people's opinions more than I do LG's.

But tonight, I respect Mitt Romney a whole lot! (not necessarily more than LG, but let's just say that I don't think I will ever have reason to campaign for LG to be the President of the United States.) This is not just some kick of mine. (I will admit that I tend to get obsessive about stuff sometimes) I take my blog seriously, and I am using it just this once to talk about something that I think is important. I didn't just get on You Tube and watch the Romney Girl and get on some kick. I have been reading and researching for a week and I just want to share what I have concluded. My conclusion may not matter to any of you, but I am telling you anyway: Mitt is the man for change in America. I am sad that Mitt has lost the Florida primary, but hopeful that he will still prevail. We need Mitt so that we can stomp on Hillary Clinton. (How can anyone in this country vote for another Clinton to hold such a sacred office....didn't Bill sacrilige it enough already?)

I am not afraid to blog about what I want, but I want you to all thank LG that I will try and contain my Mitt kick to my door to door Mitt knocking and not to my blog from here on out. Just in case you wondered, LG also supports Romney, but he isn't the type to get in your face. Of course, you all know that opposites attract.

And, the main reason for this blog....LG, this is the stuff that I want for Valentine's Day. As I have said before, I love the wishlist aspect of the blog. You can buy me the magnet bumper sticker (not the sticky one) the yard sign, and the buttons. And if you really want to splurge, I love this hoodie. And, once again, just so you all know, this is not a kick. I am serious. I am in for the long haul...all the way to The White House!


My friend and I have been walking every day for about an hour. We have made a makeshift 1/4mile track around her house and yard and we let the kids run around and play while we crank out a sad 2 miles in an hour.

Valerie's dog insists on walking with us every day. It is so funny because she is about 12 years old and she limps the whole way. Poor thing. The other day while observing the poor dog, I said to Valerie, "Maybe when the dog has a noticable difference in her limp, there will be a noticable difference in my bum."

Thanks to Valerie for another great e-mail forward.
Man, Valerie, you should really figure out how to blog this stuff!
This is the text that went with the picture:

An old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from
his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home.He followed me into the house, down the hall, and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.The next day he was back, resumed his position in the hall, and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar:"He lives in a home with ten children -- he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Can I come with him tomorrow?"

Got $1,000?

I am going to try and figure out how to get a better picture of this.

But for now, know that it is an invitation to go to a fundraising breakfast with Mitt Romney this Saturday in Nashville!

Man, it isn't often that I covet, but I really wish I had a $1,000 to give to this man, not just to shake his hand, but to help him keep America strong!

To Mike HuckaBee Gone

Thank you to instapundit for the link.

So, this is not a post about Mitt Romney, but about someone I like to refer to as HucakaBEE Gone.

This is the personal e-mail I sent to the Huckabee campaign headquarters this morning. It probably won't do any good, but it felt good to get if off my chest!

"I think that if Mike Huckabee would get rid of his religious bias Southern bigotry, he would drop out and back Mitt Romney. If he would like to keep our nation as one nation under God, he would see that it will be for the best under God to have a conservative in office. By staying in the race, it is evident that all Hucakbee wants to do is help defeat Romney. Huckabee has no chance to win and as a Republican I am ashamed that Huckabee is really so selfish and crooked that he can't force himself to do what is best for our God created country. God help us all. "

I AM SO FRUSTRATED WITH THIS MAN! I think he is taking bribery money from the devil himself, in the form of Blue bills or greed infested selfishness.

English Food & Football

If you didn't read my last entry about "english ed and et", you can read about what I am doing at Saxon.

This really is going to be so much fun!

According to saxon, here are some more true English terms:

Rubbish bin or bin ( Trash can)
Rubbish ( trash)
Sweets ( candy)
Crisps (chips)
Chips (French fries)

I have to say, I love the word rubbish. I am going to try and add the word to my frequently used vocabulary.

Of course I also love all the food terms. In America, I love to eat sweets, crisps and chips. Because I love these bad fatty foods, I guess I will have to continue worrying about losing a "stone in weight". (Saxon, losing a stone in weight is also very English) Not that Americans don't have more weight to lose collectively, but we lose ours in pounds, not stones.

On Saxon's above entry, Mike Ball made this comment: (I thought I would include these in conjunction with the upcoming US SuperBowl)

Well there's a few (Americanisms) I've come across...
Cleats - in the US are like football boots [ok, I can't resist leaving an American reaction to football boots...that is boots...i am picturing NFL players running around in workboots or hiking boots)
Football in the UK is soccer in the US
Football in the US is American Football.

Then Mike adds the question: (do you even use your feet in American Football?) - I have to answer: American football players do sometimes use their feet, but only to run. Kickers (who have a woosy or whimpy reputation in American football are the only players to really use their feet to kick)

Other words that we supposedly mispronounce:

I found it interesting that these four words, can also be associated with the upcoming Superbowl:
You cook your frozen pizza on an aluminium-lined pan. You have tomato sauce on your pizza, or you can throw tomatoes at the ref. when you don't agree with his call. All football teams have a schedule and all football fans can be found saying, "I irrevocably decree that my team will win this Sunday."

I don't know what else to say about these 4 words except that people in America also differ in opinion on their pronunciation. Maybe you Englishman could give me your pronunciation guide? I would like to pronounce them like an Englishman from now on, just for fun.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

More about Pres. Hinckley

I was a little worried about how I would break the news to the kids about President Hinckley's passing.

Abigail seemed to take it with a stride. She exclaimed, "Ah man, he almost made it to 100."

This is a clip that my friends, The McCombs, e-mailed. Glenn Beck is speaking (I have never listened to the man before) and I am glad that I listened this time. Thanks Tom and Diane for the forward.

Romney Girl

Monday, January 28, 2008

I'm Technorati Semi-Savvy

Technorati Profile

There she is...

While reading the SL Tribune last night, I found this article about Miss Utah 2008, Jill Stevens. She is a Utah National Guard combat medic VETERAN turned beauty pagaent contestant.

So, what makes that worth the blog post?

Cool for many reasons.

1- She gives a better name to U.S. female soldiers. They can be muti-faceted, not just some butch girls with no femininity.
2- She gives a better name to the Miss America pageant. See, we are progressing. It's not just about the looks.
3- She is a wonderful representative for the LDS church. She was the only contestant to wear a one piece bathing suit. And, modest or not, she still looks great.

The really cool part of the story is that this Miss Utah bid farewell by hitting the floor for some push-ups. Many of the contestants (that could hold their own) joined her. Check out this video.

Engligh Ed and Et #1

I have a new blogging friend that lives in The United Kingdom. I love to read Saxon's blog because I can imagine his sexy English accent in his writing. (hence the single englishman link on your left)

Reading Saxon, (I'm unsure if that is his real name, but he better clarify before he gets famous, like me) has opened my eyes to a whole new world: that of The United Kingdom. I have just tried to read what the difference is exactly between Great Britain, England, and The United Kingdom, but am still totally confused. I gave up. (I'm sorry Englishman or UKmen or Brits if my ignorance offends you) You can call me a stupid American, but read here, and see if you feel my frustration. Does it take a whole year of High School for your people to understand exactly where you live? Saxon, do you think that you could post something in conjunction with this inauguration to educate us Americans...or maybe even just this American.? I know Saxon will be on board here, he is so COOL!

Saxon has inspired my first themed "English Education and Etiquette" posts. (You know I have to love the guy to make a commitment to reoccurring blog entries - I have a commitment phobia)

I never knew how many funny words they use over there. I mean, I guess I have never realized how much of the English language Americans have really lost. I have had such a fun time learning about these new old words. I plan to post whenever I learn a new one. How can I go wrong promoting the continued good relations between the Englishman and the American?

I personally love many English things. Two of my favorite off the top of my head: English accents and JK Rowling with all things Harry Potter. President Hinckley served his mission in England and so it makes it even more appropriate that I start this new imsofunny tradition today.

I think it is quite appropriate to start my English Ed & Et with a picture of Beckham and Posh. They are quite possibly the most fascinating English people since Princess Di and the Beatles.

The latest word I just learned was Posh. This is where the infamous Posh got her name. Who knew that posh was an adjective? According to Saxon, Posh means smart or special. I guess it could be used as a word to say "nice" or "expensive things" (at least that is what I gleaned from watching an interview of Posh just now online. Posh sure does know how to find expensive and nice things....Raise your hand, if you would love to be married to Beckham?

So, after reading the above definition, I realized that I have heard of a "posh apartment" but I mean, isn't that the only context that Americans use this word?
So, here are some other English words that Saxon has taught me so far: (Stay tuned for more)

1. boot (that's a trunk of a car or a boot that your wear on your
2. trainers (tennis shoes)
3. lie in (sleeping in)

Google It

Because of Megan's recent entry, I was inspired to to get reacquainted with my Stat Counter.

Here are the google searches that have recently brought people to my blog.

So funny. I'm almost google famous!

I was so excited at my last post about google because I came up #3 when you search imsofunny.

Here are some other searches that bring me up.

#3 interesting conversation pieces

#6 google is my friend

#5 need attention

#9 Baskin Robbins vs. other ice-creams

#3 lds linger longer

#3 Whale Baby Quilts (what the heck?)

And the best news of the day. When you search Alice Gold. I finally come up #4! It's my good reads account and not my blog, but hey, I 'll take what I can get. Now, at least all of my X boyfriends can find out what I like to read.

Yes, I am on my way!!!

Sunday, January 27, 2008

"I laugh in the face of death" - Who said that?

So, here is a conversation between President Gordon B. Hinckley and Larry King (Live) from 2004:
KING: What happens when you die?
HINCKLEY: When you die? Well, I'm not
fully conversant with that. I haven't passed through that yet.
KING: Well,
call me. Knowing you, I'll be there and I'll call you.
But you do believe that something happens.
HINCKLEY: Oh, of course we do. But
we believe that death is a part of an eternal journey, that we lived as spirit
children of our father before we came into this life.That we're here in
mortality as a part of an eternal living, and that we will go on living after
this life, purposefully. And that through the redemption of the Lord Jesus
Christ, men will be resurrected. There will come a time of resurrection.And
those who walk in obedience may go on to exaltation.

So, because President Hinckley can have a sense of humor when it comes to a serious subject like physical death, I thought it would be fun to post what happened in primary just today. Maybe the kids have a better understanding of this then we thought.

A teacher was trying to teach the Plan of Salvation. She had explained that we lived with God as spirits before we came to earth. Then, she explained we came to earth to get a body and be tested. Then she talked about how we would die and then be judged. She then started asking the kids leading questions which led to this:

T: What are we here on earth for? K: No answer.
T: What are we supposed to be doing while we are here? K:No answer.
T: What do we need to do on earth?

The answer came loud and clear from a little one sitting behind me: DIE!

Laughter was had by all the adults...I guess the little guy was right in a round about way. We do need to die if we want to go back to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ. And, yes, now President Hinckley will be there too. Man, I hope we all make it.

So long my friend.

My brother Adam just called, which was followed by a call from my Dad, and then our friend's, The Clarke's. I read it here to confirm that President Gordon B. Hinckley has passed into the loving arms of His Maker. I am sure that many others on the other side are ushering him in and that his wife, Marjorie Hinckley is close by.

But, where does that leave us? Yes, we know the church will continue to be headed by a Prophet of God. And one that we know and love: Thomas S. Monson. But, how will we ever fill the hole left in our hearts? This man was more than a prophet. I have never met him, yet he was my friend. He was my personal cheerleader. He made me happy whenever I heard his voice. And, I will miss him so much.

I guess you know you are getting older when you really have grown so close to a prophet that all you can do is cry that he is gone.

Thank you President Hinckley for changing the world as we know it and for changing me! I couldn't be more happy for you to finally be in a place that matches your greatness.

Saturday, January 26, 2008

Mormon Fame

Cynthia, my newest blogging friend has tagged me. (How daring of her...she hasn't been reading me long enough to know how I hate to be tagged ... he he he)

Her tag rules (which are posted under my following list) say to write about 7 famous or infamous people you have met. Here is my list...Every one of these, except for the first three, are Mormon. (and 7-12 are only known in the Mormon world)

Speaking of which, have you ever checked out ? I was so ecstatic to find out that Ricky Schroeder had joined the church. I absouletely LOVED him growing up. I mean I really thought that I would marry him when I got older. I guess I will have to settle for him being a brother in the gospel. :)

1. Dan Jansen (I met him at a Corporate Party. I went up to him and said, "Oh my goodness. I was so inspired when I saw you win that gold medal and take your victory lap with your son." He said, "You mean my daughter?" (or it was the other way around...whatever I am an idiot!)
2. Ted Johnson (We went to High School together. I have always loved this guy. He is the one that broke the news to me that I had won my Sophomore Class President Election. He and I also spent some time together at the school's weight room.) I just read this article and think it is a crying shame what he is going through. He was the nicest guy back in his day.
3. Scott Karl (We also went to High School together. He was a good friend to my brother. His little sister Stefani was my good friend. I had the hugest crush on him also, and determined to only call him by his first given name...Randall)
4. Steve Young (I have already blogged about my encounter with this guy.)
5. Ty Detmer (I got his autograph for my little brother David, when he and his wife came into The Malt Shoppe where I worked. I hated doing that because I really am not into bugging celebrities, but I knew it would mean a lot to my brother. The Malt Shoppe was totally empty that was cold and rainy out. I waited until they were done eating to ask and went out to the dining room and took his poster off the wall. He was very sweet.)
6. Sterling Van Wagenen (I met him at the taping of The Work and The Glory. He was sweet and complimentary to Sophia's performace. He said that he was very impressed and that she really was a natural)
7. Ardeth G. Kapp - I have linked to an amazing letter she wrote to the National Pornography Commission in New York City, on January 22, 1986. She was ahead of her time. (She was the president of the LDS General Young Women while I was a youth in the church [12-18] I eagerly adopted the Young Women Values and the Young Women Theme that she was instrumental in implementing. I met her later at a fireside in Huntsville UT while on my mission. I wrote her a letter and she wrote me back.)
8. Marlin K. Jensen (I was instrumental in teaching two separate friends of his while on my mission. He attended both baptisms and wrote a very nice letter to my mission president, complimenting my companion and I) I had served in his ward earlier on my mission and met him and his wife (they are both very sweet, but I absolutely love his wife [she is not mousy and is very smart and sweet] ....nerve wracking to give a talk in a ward where you know a General Authority is listening.
9. Elder Robert K. Dellenbach (I met him while on my mission)
10. Elder Robert E. Wells (I also met him while on a mission...he is the Father of Miss America Sharlene Wells)
11. Elder Dieter F. Uchtdorf THIS MAN IS NOW AN APOSTLE OF THE LORD (I met him on my mission at The Missionary Training Center. I took the time to go and shake his hand because I had been really touched by his talk and loved that he mentioned serving in Utah on his own mission)
12. Elder Earl C. Tingey (I just met him a few months back when he set apart my father-in-law Duane Gold as a Counselor in the Kingsport TN Stake)

Honorable Mentions
13. Sophia Gold (She is our lovely daughter and she played Rachel in The Work and the Glory)
14. Ken Jennings (He is a distant relative of LeGrand - never met him - and he is only related by marriage - but, LG's family is all very smart and Ken must have picked a prize winning intellectual wife from the Heiner side)

Here are the rules:-Link to the person who tagged you.-Leave a comment on their blog so that their readers can visit yours.-Post the rules on your blog.-Share the seven (7) most famous or infamous people you have met. Or go with the original 7 weird things about yourself.-Tag 7 random people at the end of your post.-Include links to their blogs.-Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

I am not tagging anyone further for I don't believe in adding pressure to any of the mothers that are linked on my site. If any of you would like to oblige, I would love to see what you can come up with.

So, does the fact that I can pull out this many famous people give me a right to be a famous Mormon blogger?!! he he

Friday, January 25, 2008

Can You Hear the Prayer of the Children?

I looked and looked for a choir worthy of this song...this is the only one that I found close! SO amazing Stuck In the Middle boys. People are so talented.

Why Can't Mormons Send Flowers?

Here's the video, and if anyone has any advice how to post directly from YouTube, please let me know. Thanks Gina...You will all have to know that it is Gina's fault, if I go YouTube crazy!

You can't go wrong with a clip from the good old show Cheers. I can remember gathering in my college apartment with about 30 other people to watch the show finale.

Thanks for the clip via e-mail Valerie. Abigail was watching over my shoulder (not soldier as originally typed) and says to me, "This is a bad show." (She heard the word damn) Oh no. Now, she won't think I am perfect!!! Yeah right!

LG's boss says that LG reminds them all of Norm. They mean it as a compliment....They are all in awe that wherever he goes and whoever he talks to peopel all just love him. I am not in awe. He is charming, and because he is, I never let him buy me flowers for Valentine's Day. He knows he can get me double the flowers a week later!

Now, this is a reminder, to all you men, especially you MORE MEN, send your wives some flowers, and do it before they raise the prices for Valentine's Day or wait until they go on clearance.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Lawyer Jokes

I am so proud to be married to a man that is always thinking of others. LG has many wonderful traits but the one that I have been the most grateful for recently is his humility. LG always inspires me in many ways but the things I love about him most are 1-his kindness, 2-his humility, and 3-is a toss up between his intellect and his sense of humor.

When LG does pass the bar, he is going to open his own legal practice. To have his own business while simultaneously helping people will be a dream come true for LeGrand. I have to admit though that I am worried that his altruism will put us in the poor house. But, I do know that if we can be humble and diligent, that even if LG does give away too much free legal advice, the Lord will provide for us.

Now that my loyal readers have forged their way through the mush above (Man, I hate that stuff, but it will get me some needed brownie points - I have been blogging and slacking way too much lately) here are some good lawyer jokes. If I would have known 5 years ago that I was signing up for a lifelong affinity with lawyer jokes, I may have insisted LG take a different career path, but, hey, I guess somebody has to listen to the jokes. (I didn't say we have to laugh)

At LG's graduation one of the speakers told a good one: "I have quit telling lawyer jokes. Lawyers have heard them all and don't think they are funny and no one else thinks they are jokes."


A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer.The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?""Just send a bill for such advice" replied the lawyer.On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 bill. That afternoon he received a $100 bill from the lawyer.


A man went to a brain store to get some brain to complete a study. He sees a
sign remarking on the quality of professional brain offerred at this particular
brain store. He begins to question the butcher about the cost of these brains."How much does it cost for engineer brain?""Three dollars an ounce.""How much does it cost for programmer brain?""Four dollars an ounce.""How much for lawyer brain?""$1,000 an ounce.""Why is lawyer brain so much more?""Do you know how many lawyers we had to kill to get one ounce of brain?"


The devil visited a lawyer's office and made him an offer. "I can arrange some things for you, " the devil said. "I'll increase your income five-fold. Your partners will love you; your clients will respect you; you'll have four months of vacation each year and live to be a hundred. All I require in return is that your wife's soul, your children's souls, and their children's souls rot in hell for eternity."The lawyer thought for a moment. "What's the catch?" he asked.


Joe the lawyer died suddenly, at the age of 45. He got to the gatesof Heaven,
and the angel standing there said, "We've been waiting along time for you.""What
do you mean," he replied, "I'm only 45, in the prime of my life.Why did I have
to die now?""45? You're not 45, you're 82," replied the angel."Wait a minute. If
you think I'm 82 then you have the wrong guy.I'm only 45. I can show you my
birth certificate.""Hold on. Let me go check," said the angel and disspeared
inside. Aftera few minutes the angel returned. "Sorry, but by our records you
are 82.I checked all the hours you have billed your clients, and you have to be


If two lawyers were drowning, and you could only save one ofthem, would you read the paper or go to lunch?


A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!"

and finally:


How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?

Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "The Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "The Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i.e., the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entry way, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties. The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:

1.) The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, stepstool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, said direction being non-negotiable. Said grasping and rotation of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be undertaken by the party of the first part (Lawyer) with every possible caution by the party of the first part (Lawyer) to maintain the structural integrity of the party of the second part (Light Bulb), notwithstanding the aforementioned failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) to perform the aforementioned customary and agreed upon duties.

The foregoing notwithstanding, however, both parties stipulate that structural failure of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) may be incidental to the aforementioned failure to perform and in such case the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall be held blameless for such structural failure insofar as this agreement is concerned so long as the non-negotiable directional codicil (counter-clockwise) is observed by the party of the first part (Lawyer) throughout.

2.) Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.

3.) Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, said direction also being non-negotiable.

NOTE: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by said party of the first part (Lawyer), by his heirs and assigns, or by any and all persons authorized by him to do so, the objective being to produce a level of illumination in the immediate vicinity of the aforementioned front (north) door consistent with maximization of ingress and revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "The Firm".

Grandma Dorothy

When I recently wrote a story about my mom, I spoke of how my mom learned to love people from her mom. I absolutely adored my really amazing grandma, Dorothy. I am blessed to come from a family of loving and caring people. Ever since my mom's mom died in 2006, I have wanted to write about Grandma Dorothy. Shannon's post about her Grandpa Charlie inspired me even further.
I will try and make this short because my post about my mom was SOOOOO long. As long as I preface this story with the idea that sometimes life's greatest lessons are taught in an instant I will not feel like I have chided Grandma by making this shorter.
Grandma and all of her family were very poor. Grandma came from a different generation however and because she was poor, she felt an even greater need to keep what she did have spotless, tidy and ironed. Grandma was meticulous in the way she lived her life. She was truly beautiful inside and out. I only wish that I actually owned a picture of her younger. She was a knockout.
So, grandma never had much of anything her entire life. My mother was grandma's oldest child. When my mom and her sister started working and making their own money, they had a grand idea. They would treat grandma to a day on the town and buy her a nice coat at a good department store. My mom and her sister were so excited to give grandma this treat.
So, it was a huge dissapointment to my mom and her sister when they went to the department store and were treated very rudly by a flippant saleswoman. The woman seemed so snotty and was so rude to my grandmother that my mom and aunt dragged her out of the store swearing that they would never shop there again.
When they got out to the street, grandma asked Mom and Aunt Shirley if they would take her to the five and dime store. Grandma went into the store and bought a nice scarf with a little box and ribbon. She got out of the store and wrapped it up and told Mom and Aunt Shirley to follow her. To the chagrin of mom and her sister, Grandma marched right back into the department store. Grandma was focused on her one task: to find the sales clerk that had treated her so badly. She walked right up to her and handed her the present. Grandma said, "Sweety, I thought that you must really be having a bad day, and so I got you something. It isn't much, but I hope it will make you smile."
The clerk looked absolutely astonished and ashamed. Tears filled her eyes as she opened the scarf. Mom and Aunt Shirley were looking on still feeling like Grandma was way too nice. The clerk cleared her throat and choked out the words, "I am so sorry for the way I acted to you. My husband died last week and I just haven't been myself."
Of course Grandma wrapped her arms around her and then proceeded to give her a pep talk.
And whenever I get down, all I have to do is think about my Grandma and the endless amount of pep talks she has also given to me in word and letter. Grandma was the most amazing letter writer. Grandma always made me feel like I could do anything. I hope that I can learn to kill them everyone with kindness, just like her.
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She wins

I was playing Little Pet Shop (the game) with Bella this morning. This is the reason I haven't gotten to my blog post yet. Hopefully I will tonight. My girls all love Little Pet Shops. It is their goal to buy every single one.

Bella spun a 6 on the spinner. What did she say? BOO-YA!!! I am teaching them humility, aren't I?

Got Mail?

I l ove my gmail. If you don't use this e-mail service, you are missing out on the most pleasant internet service ever. Here's a video showing users' gmail stories.

Monday, January 21, 2008

One click away

Wouldn't it be great if we could get all annoyances to go away with just one click?

I got this today from my friend, Valerie, who is a very active e-mail forwarder (everyone has to have one), but a very inactive blogger. Go and leave her a comment and tell her to give us something besides her updated beautiful kitchen. (which I posted for her while at her house)

Maybe Valerie could get a remote that would update her blog for her?

Sunday, January 20, 2008

More Mormons

I found this photo tonight on my first picture in blogger play. It linked to Porter who is also Mormon. He had his first talk in Primary today.

See, I told you this was a fun game. Try it.

Then I found this one that links to Family X* (who as you can see from the comment below was very angry with me and I have removed the link and the picture) I truly am sorry for any emotional damage I have caused. I thought that all people in the blogging world would love a link. I THOUGHT WRONG. I guess we aren't all narcacistic.

Family X* also happen to be Mormons. This took a little more figuring that will only make sense to Mormons. I picked the picture because I thought it looked like some apartments in Utah. I couldn't tell from the post or profile if they were indeed Mormons. This will only make sense to Mormons, but I scrolled down past the "What do you do in the wintertime" to "once there was a snowman", to "brayden's blessing" and finally figured it out when I got to the "ward trunk or treat". Good find, huh?

*If you really want to see the name of Family X, all you have to do is read the comments she has left. I kindly removed her family blog name from my post also, but I am sad to say that there is nothing I can do about the comments that she has left herself.

And another one. I think that the Mormons are taking over These people are The Shaws

Their mention of The Temple on the side bar as well as their friend Hyrum gave them away.

Blogger Play Fun

I have a game for all of you. GO to blogger play and see if you can get any first assumptions correct about people. This is a fun game I play with myself, when I have ran out of other blogging tasks to do.

This game works wonders in passing the time when I am dissapointed to find nothing updated among my blogging friends. (which happens a lot when I am the only one without a life on the weekends)

Blogger play turns the most recent blogspot pictures into a slideshow. These pictures are taken from all the blogs that post on I like to try and figure things out about the people when their posted pictures come up. But I especially like to spot Mormons. It is kind of the same theory I use when watching American Idol. You can play this game, even if you aren't a Mormon. (although I have to say that Mormons may be easier to spot - especially if you spend any time with them, they have so many quirks) But, hey, even if you are a Catholic or a Baptist, you can play this game with your people too. Your people may have quirks that would be easier for you to spot.

Today, I found this picture
When I clicked on the picture in bloggerplay, it linked to The Hawkins site. Lo and behold, on the top post, Relief Society is mentioned. I was dead on!! (the church chairs just gave it away) I have to laugh because I get so proud of myself when I am right. The third picture on Blogger Play today in deed showcased some Mormons (it usually takes me longer than that to find some).

So, there you go, whenever you are bored because I haven't updated (which has got to happen soon, I've been a blogging fool and I have to get burned out - it is just in my nature) all you have to do is play the blogger play game. So fun! Maybe I should try to patent this little game, especially if people are going to start telling their friends to play without linking to me.


The kids and I are all home from church today because Bella has been sick. It is Sunday, the day I try to rest and think about spiritual things, so I thought that maybe I should blog about something a little more serious. Gangbanging seemed serious enough.

I have been reading this book called "Convicted in the Womb" by Carl Upchurch. I borrowed it from a friend of mine who is getting his Masters to be a Therapist. It is a good book that allows you to get into the head of a child who later finds acceptance by joining a gang.

Because I try to be a good Mormon girl, I really cannot recommend this book. The swear words just keep on coming and some of these words are bad enough that I have never even heard them before in my entire life. And because I am a little bit rebellious I just keep reading, but at least I simultaneously pray that I won't advert to pulling out the curse words the next time I get angry. I am not reading the book for the curse words, I am reading it because I want to understand the human race better. It is so unfortunate that there are actually children in this world who grow up in an environment like Carl Upchurch's. It is just so foreign to me.

For example, he had one pee stained mattress on the floor that was his bed. The mattress was located on the underside of a leaky sink. The family's rat trap would need to be emptied almost every morning. The cockroaches were so bad that he slept with the blanket over his head so that they couldn't climb all over him at night. His grandma was a prostitute and his mom did nothing but collect welfare checks. Carl never got any affection or affirmations or anything that could be construed as positive. He never was taught to shower or brush his teeth and never had clean clothes. To my dismay this was in Philadelphia the 60's. He went without food a lot and it was his own responsibility to get up for school and out the door every day, from the time he was in kindergarten.

I have been living in a state of shock for the past 24 hours while I have been reading this book. I know that there are kids out there that live like this: a lot of them went to Abigail's old school, but I just didn't realize that it was this bad. It makes me want to go and round them all up and bring them home for some good old fashioned love and concern.

So, it now makes sense to me, while it never has before, why these kids grow up to be gangbangers. Being in a gang is the only way they find belonging. While our children grow up with that at home, the only way for these gangbangers to have a similar experience is to join a gang. So, sometimes you have to get through all the cursing to learn something new. Who of us does not want a solution for gangs? I am here to tell you that the solution is so simple: it is pretty much the solution to every societal woe: the solution is simply love.

Well, the reason for this entry, is to write a story about my mother. As you all know, my parents are both pretty crazy. It wasn't hard for them to produce a child like me. I got a little of each of their nuances which are slightly crazy and a little crazier. I love my parents dearly and after reading a book like this, I am more grateful for the way that they raised seven children in a loving and flourishing environment.

So, my mom took this loving and flourishing environment with her everywhere. She learned to love from her mother; it was in her DNA to show love and concern for everyone she met, especially children. I cannot tell you how many times, I would come home to find my mom sitting at our kitchen table discussing something heavy with one of the friends of mine or my siblings. I never understood why our friends liked to talk to my mom so much. As a teenager, I did everything I could to avoid her. But again, reading has given me new understanding. These friends felt the unconditional love of my mother, some of which may not have felt it at home.

So, here is the funny part of the story (I bet you were getting worried that you wouldn't be getting a chuckle today, huh?)

While we were growing up, we had a few favorite places to take family outings. One was the beach, one was Thrifty's to get ice-cream, one was the Oceanside pier to get XL jawbreakers. Others were the movies, Sav-on to get some candy, and the mall to get a Shaved Ice. (Funny that all of these places involve food) And lastly but not least by any means was Show Biz. Show Biz was the original Chuck E Cheese. All of ShowBiz's have been converted to Chuck E Cheeses, including the one from our neighboring town Oceanside, CA.

My mom and dad would take us to Show Biz a few times a year and it was a huge treat. I am sure that my mom had to convince my dad to spend the money. Buying pizza and tokens for seven kids is not a small feat. I mean most people only spend that kind of money when one of their 2.5 children have a birthday party and invite all their friends.

So, this one Saturday, we had all had our fun at Show Biz. I am sure we had been there for a good couple of hours before we headed out to the station wagon to go back home. What a surprise that we exited into the middle of an ensuing gang fight. Now, you have to know my parents to know how unfortunate to the fight was the arrival of my parents. My dad was and is a big tough former Highway Patrolmen and my mom is an unlicensed and unofficial social worker. (She probably helped more kids in her lifetime than any social worker could imagine). My mom also has been known to have a mouth like mine. One day she almost got my dad into a fight with a Hells Angel at the 25cent hamburger joint (but that is another story)

So, what happened from this point on is not only the funny story but an inspiration to mankind. Mind you, all seven kids are lined up like ducks in a row behind my parents. My brother Erick was approximately the same age as these teenage boys and he was staring on up front with mom and dad. My mom says to the gangbangers, "Boys, what do you think that you are doing? This is no way to solve anything. Don't you know that people care about you? We don't want to see you killing each other." My dad stood next to his wife in words and stature. He didn't say anything, but his mere presence was enough.

One of the gangbangers had shouted out, "Hey (probably some cuss word), mind your own business." The details are shody here, but I am certain this is approximately accurate to the actual story. My dad's glare was enough to shut the gangbanger up. My mom continued on as her initial speech didn't seem to have enough impact. My mom and dad were not about to walk away and let some kids kill each other. And remember this was in the 80's before the cell phone was invented, so there was no, "Hurry call 911." The following words came naturally from my mother's mouth, "Boys, this is nonsense. My husband and I love children too much to let any one of you get hurt today. Now c'mon inside and my husband will buy you all some pizza."

It was as if a bomb had been dropped. I can still remember the shock so apparent on the faces of these hardened criminals. A stranger was going to buy them ALL pizza. Both gangs looked back and forth from their homeboys to their blood sworn enemies. The glances were asking each other, "What do we do now?" There was no need for them to discuss because my parents didn't give them any time.

My mom went and wrapped her arm around the leader of one side and my dad walked over to the other. They led the leaders into Show Biz and there was no other choice for the homeboys than to follow. We little Wills children brought up the rear. What a delight it was to see my mom take all the gangsters into the Show Room and find them each a seat, while my dad went and doubled his money output for the day by ordering 12 more pizzas.

It didn't stop there. My mom said, "Rick, get these boys some tokens. They fight because they don't have anything better to do." She made sure she said that loud enough for them all to hear.
Dad bought them each a generous amount of tokens, (which after clarifying with my mom and dad, was only really 4 tokens each -all they could afford-, but hey, that was still another 20 bucks they didn't really have) hoping that if he and mom could keep them inside long enough having a good time, then maybe the fight would be cancelled all together. We all exited feeling like the heroes who had saved the day.

The discussion in the car on the way home went something like this. Mom to Dad, "Do you think that they will still have a fight, should we call the police?" Dad said, "I can't believe you Sharon. You are one crazy woman." Mom to Dad ,"One crazy woman that you love. And, one crazy woman that may have just saved a life." Mom to kids,"Remember this kids, all people have a part of them that just wants to be loved. They act badly because they haven't been loved."

Yep, that's my mom and dad. As a couple, they could do anything, including stomping out gang activity from the world as I knew it.

And in the words of John Lennon:

All you need is love. All you need is love. All you need is love, love,
love is all you need.

Saturday, January 19, 2008

Need Attention?

I just came up with a theory. It's not scientific, but based on my own thoughts.

I think that middle children, only children, and youngest children need more attention. They need more affirmations too. So, what do they do when they grow up and aren't children anymore? They take their need for attention into their blogging world.

So, here is my question, are you a middle, youngest or only child? I am going to wager that a good 80% of bloggers fall into the above category. Let me know if I am right. Feel free to leave a comment to tell me if you think I am wrong too. It doesn't mean that I will believe you, but I would like you to try to disprove my theory....Surely, science can't be this easy.

It's called a Shout Out

I was talking to a blogging friend the other day. I won't mention her name, but it is someone who is linked on my blog. You'll have to guess who. This certain friend can be rather crafty, and, yes, that is a hint. Although, it seems that I have added a lot of crafty Mormon women lately. So, hint #2 is that this friend is not just really crafty but was one of the original links on my blogs...that narrows it down quite a bit.

"This friend" has already given me permission to not mention her here because she knows me well enought to know that this entry could be potentially offensive. And, because I am not crafty, I am fully aware that my role in this blogging society has its certain place. So, I've got to keep earning my place as the blogger who is willing to say just about anything, and hopes that she can be funny at least 25% of the time. As you all know, I am not afraid to say too many things. (Even though I have recently made a goal to say less offensive things - and it is Jan 18th, so it's time to break the resolution - heck, I ate more than 2,000 calories in one day on Jan 3rd - I've lasted long enough)

So, my friend and I were on the phone, discussing my recent blog blah blag entry. This discussion led us to venting about our blogging pet peeves. Now, there is much to be found in reference to blogging etiquette. I have purposefully ignored all of these musings. If I don't read it, I don't have to abide by it, right? It is easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, right? (Every Mormon knows this saying)

But, whatever your blogging philosophy, you should be made aware (as a reader of my blog) that my friend and I adamantly agree that a "shout out" should be given whenever it is deserved. What is a shout out, you ask? It's a link, gosh dang it!!! If you quote someones blog, you had better give them credit. If you get an idea from someones blog, give them a little credit. And for heaven's sake, if you get a crafty idea (especially an original one), you had better give the crafter and/or author some credit.

My friend got me all fired up about this, can you tell? I normally don't need credit for my stuff (probably because my stuff never gets mentioned), but when a friend of mine, has her own very fine crafty idea and another person just puts it on her own blog and acts like it was her own, WATCH OUT! Watchdog Alice has come out in full force.

My husband tells me repeatedly to try not and offend my readers, and so I won't mention any details about if and when this has happened to me before (how is that for learning tact), but I will tell you that it has happened. So, bloggy readers beware, "I'm watching you."

We all blog because we love to throw ideas around, but c'mon, blog etiquette or not, it's common decencyto give credit where it is deserved! If you take something from someone, just mention it, it's not that hard to do. It's just a copy, paste, and a link button away. It's called unofficial intellectual property, so just give the blogger a link, will ya? That's all I ask: just a simple link, a "shout out", or whatever your prefer to call it.

Leave it to Beaver

The other day, on the radio, I heard someone reference Leave it to Beaver. I thought, "That show is something I haven't thought about for a while."

This morning, I check my blog and realize that I have a comment from somebody exciting. I love making blogging friends. I was astounded by her link to: an apron making contest. These aprons are popping up everywhere. Are we really going back to wanting to be like June Cleaver? This could be a good world, where all the women are dolled up making dinner for their perfect little families. I am just a little worried that I may not fit in?

I did buy this apron at Christmastime, does that count for anything?

Oh, and I got myself a sewing maching for Christmas too...I just am still trying to figure out how to use it...maybe an apron should be my first project, so that I could actually finish it before the trend is over?

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Blogging Award

Rita awarded me today with a "made her day" blogging award. How exciting!! It's my first blogging award. (which now that I am famous, I am sure will be followed by many others) I am thrilled.

The only let down is that there was no cute little button to add to my blog. You'll have to read my comment on Rita's blog for my true feelings. I want that button Rita. For now, I am posting this scrapbook page of Rita's to act as my "made my day" button. I think this will work just grand.
Rita, don't worry about creating me another button. I got it under control. (Is it kosher in the blogging world that I just made my own?) Heck, we all know, anything goes in the blogging world. That is the beauty of it. Make sure you scroll down to the left and check out my permanent button. :)

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Bella The Beautiful

Isn't she just gorgeous? I always feel so badly for people who have children that just aren't that cute. I know that sounds so superficial, but really, there are some kids out there that I hope and pray will grow into themselves.

I often wonder if people know whether or not their kids are "attractiveness challenged". I think that all parents must feel that their kids are as beautiful mine, but I am here to be the one bold enough to speak the truth: they're not. Wow, that makes me sound like a horrible and shallow person. I truly do love all children, but mine are all just beautiful. I can't help but brag.

So, here is a little story from tonight. Nothing too exciting, but kind of funny. Bella somehow managed to take a good chunk out of Sophia's leg with a #2 pencil. Phia was wailing in pain and Bella just kind of disappeared. Sometimes our girls have issues working through their emotions. (they get it from their dad - the working through part - they get their emotions from their mom) So, although we have blessed them with very good looks, we have simultaneously blessed them with other challenges. They have to stay humble somehow

I went back and tried talking to Bella. She doesn't want to talk and starts crying into her pillow. I pull her up and hold her so that she has to look at me. I say, "Bella, let's talk about this, I don't want you to be sad. Why are you crying? Do you not want to apologize to Sophia? Sophia is crying because you hurt her. You need to go and apologize, even if it was an accident."

Bella cries harder. I suddenly got the horrible thought. "Maybe she did this on purpose and now she is overreacting because she feels bad." I say, "Bella, even if you did it on purpose, it's o.k., you just need to go apologize." Bella starts crying harder. I then feel like my assumption was correct. I ask, "Bella, did you do it on purpose? Bella, why are you crying?"

Bella then hollers, "I'm crying because I don't appreciate it that you think I hurt Sophia on purpose."

So, maybe I was wrong. Maybe my children aren't so bad at working out their emotions. Maybe my children are not challenged in any way after all. Maybe they are just beautiful, and somewhat emotionally stable, and eloquent communicators too. I guess they will have only one weakness to work on. My brother used to have this poster hanging in his room. Maybe my kids can adopt it for their new mottto: "It wouldn't be so hard to humble, if I wasn't so darn perfect."

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Were Mormons Made for American Idol?

I can't put the music in the title, but I wish I could. I just get so giddy hearing the themesong!!! It's that time of year again. I hope this show will live on forever...It's not only totally entertaining, but fun for the whole family.

Do you know what my favorite part is, besides the bad singers....trying to figure out which contestants are Mormons? Tonight, on the season premiere, there was this married nanny who just sounded like every other Molly Mormon mother I know...."Oh, these kids are my best friends." And, she has never drank, smoked, or watched a Rated R movie, and neither has her husband. She is originally from Mesa, AZ, but now lives in CA and was dressed totally modestly....She is a Mormon for SURE!!!!

Growing up in California, the cool kids were in choir. A lot of those kids were Mormon. Of course, we are known for our Mormon Tabernacle Choir. Mormons can sing. It is part of our culture.

And American Idol has been invaded by that culture. From Carmen Rasmussen to Jon Peter Lewis, we are having a good representation. Now, if we could just win! Maybe 2008 will be our year. If my assumptions are correct, we could have a Mormon married nanny win American Idol and if my assumptions are incorrect (which I hope that they are) we could have a Mormon Mitt Romney as The President of The United States.

No matter what, I will be enjoying American Idol more than the presidential campaigns (even if that makes me a little ignorant)

To my readers from Kentucky

So, I am finally famous. Somewhere in my own little world, I am celebrating. I would love to be a famous writer, but I know that I need a lot of help with my writing skills before that will ever happen. (Practice is one of the reasons for this blog - it is a great way to force myself to write)

So, why am I famous you ask? I have told myself if my reader's ever get five deep, then I will be on my way. Well, what do you know...that happened just this morning. Here is the chainlink: I told Missy about my blog, who told Erika, who told Renee, and then an old friend Kristen found me from Renee's blog this, I guess that I am not famous. (oh how fast the glory was ripped from my clenched fist) This is only four deep. (Math is not my expertise) And, I guess to be fair, I already knew Kristen and so she may not count. But, it is sure exciting to feel loved!!!

Well, to honor the moment, I thought I would give Renee and Kristen, some Kentucky humor. Kristen said that they were friends in Kentucky. You can tell that Kristen is a Kentucky transplant because she says that we Tennesseeans are more Southern than Kentuckians. I guess she doesn't know that Kentucky has more of a reputation for being backwards.

So, here is Kentucky humor from my father-in-law. Brought to all of you in honor of my blog almost being famous in the small State of Kentucky! (Hey, I'll take what I can get)

Pikeville Kentucky Commandments

Some people in Kentucky have trouble with all those "shalls" and "shall
nots" in the Ten commandments. Folks just aren't used to talking in those
terms. So, some folks in eastern KY got together and translated the "King
James" into " Pike County " language.... No joke, read on...
Hillbilly's Ten Commandments(posted on the wall at the City Hall in Pikeville

(1) Just one God
(2) Honor yer Ma & Pa
(3) No tellin' tales or gossipin'
(4) Git yourself to Sunday meetin'
(5) Put nothin' before God
(6) No foolin' around with another fellow's gal
(7) No killin'
(8) Watch yer mouth
(9) Don't take what ain't yers
(10) Don't be hankerin' for yer buddy's stuff

Y'all have a nice day.

Friday, January 11, 2008

Mitt Romney

I am not sure how many of the people who read my blog are actually political. (I know I try not to be; I loathe politicians, or anyone who acts like a politician - the 2nd of the two being the worst - at least politicians have a good reason to be so superficial) Because I try not to get too involved, my heart is not set on Mitt Romney for President, but I do think it would be great to have a Mormon for President (if he wasn't a politician)

Well, I got an interesting e-mail yesterday that I thought was worth sharing. It starts out like this: (All the words from the e-mail will be italicized and I am unsure who to give the credit to)

If Mitt Romney became President of the US, won't we have something we've never had before -- a president who goes to a specific church?

Let me explain for my non-Mormon friends. In the Mormon church, you don't get a choice of which congregation you go to, it is always preassigned by geographical area.

All other presidents belonged to religions that didn't have tight congregational boundaries. Now, think about that: What Ward would the Romney's be in?

Again for my Non-Mormon friends. Every Mormon congregation is called a ward and every ward is presided over by a Bishop. We believe a Bishop is called by God to serve for about 5 years. He can be any worthy male in the congregation (your dad, husband, best friend, car mechanic - the key being anyone - they can be totally smart, totally not smart, totally rich or totally poor, totally humble or totally prideful - but, in any case just a regular guy that you already know fairly well)

If you are Mitt's new Bishop, here are your top questions:
1. Can you call Mitt and Ann as the Nursery leaders. (the people who work with the toddlers for two hours every week)... even if you really feel inspired?
2. Who is going to home teach them?
(every Mormon is assigned a male Priesthood holder to visit their house monthly - the purpose being that we all check on each other and teach the gospel to each other as well as provide anything needed) Will you call someone who needs activation (you are called inactive in the Mormon church if you don't attend regularly and sometimes callings are given to inactives to help them come back out) but may not pass the vetting and national security screening?
3. If Harry Reid and Mitt Romney are in the same High Priest group, will you need to be there to keep order? (This is funny because the High Priests are usually the old guys who are tired and ornery)
4. Exactly how will tithing settlement work? Will the Secretary of the Treasury come too? (Again, Mormons, go and see their Bishop at the end of every year to declare to the Bishop if they have paid a full 10% tithe that year)
5. Will you be inviting the new Romney family to speak in Sacrament Meeting and if they go a little over at what point do you ask them to sit down? (Mormons don't pay preachers, people chosen from the congregation speak every week, and sometimes they get a little lengthy)
6. Will the Secret Service do a sweep of the building before each meeting? And if the Romney's always leave before Sunday school, will the Sunday school president need to interview them? If they stay, where will you hold the class? (Funny because it is always a trick to make sure there is enough room for all the Sunday School classes, especially one which the President would be attending)
7. Can you call the Secret Service agents to help out in Primary? (Primary is where the children go for two hours every week after the family attends the first hour together. Many people aren't willing to work in the primary, even though the church's unwritten philosophy is that you never turn down a calling from the Lord)
8. If you give Mitt a calling and the two Democrats in the Ward raise their hand AGAINST sustaining him - partly out of habit - does the Supreme Court need to be involved? (Whenever service callings are given, the whole congregation always has the opportunity to sustain or not sustain the individual by raising their hand)
9. If you can't give them a calling (job), and they don't attend very often (for presidential stuff) will that mean they're 'less-active?' If they're not active, can you give them a Temple Recommend? And if you do,can they go? Will the Secret Service have to screen the temple too? (Only active members are considered worthy to hold a temple recommend and attend the temple which we regard as The Sacred House of the Lord - (we are encouraged to go to the temple as often as possible) I add my question, do you think that Mitt could just hire all temple worthy Secret Service agents to make life easier for everyone, and if so, what kind of scrutiny would there be?) 10. If the President wants to hold Sacrament Meeting at Camp David or the White House for security reasons, is that a conflict of Church and State?

If you're assigned to be the Romney's home teacher:
1. Can you just drop by, no appointment?
(Funny because all Home Teachers have a reputation for not being so consistent)
2. Can you even call them for an appointment or do you have to go through the Chief of Staff?
3. Can you bring by Christmas sweets and cookies? Will they be analyzed? And for how many people - family, secret service details?
4. If you don't come can the IRS do an audit on you?
5. Will they want to do a national security background check?
6. Do you have to have a permanent companion who has been vetted? Can you just grab any teacher or priest
(priesthood holders who are 14 or 16) to come with you? And what if that priest has been a little wayward? Do you need to search him first?
7. Do you have to help him move in and out of the White House? (funny because everyone calls their home teachers when they move, that is what they are for - to help when you are in need)

8. If Ann Romney gets sick, are you allowed to bring in meals or at least tell the Relief Society about it? (The Relief Society is the Woman's Organization that has the reputation of always knowing how to help everyone in need)
9. What can you share with the Bishop about the Romney's?
10. Do you have to ask them about their year's supply?
(All Mormons have been encouraged by their church leaders for at least the past 50 years to have a year stockpile of food in case of emergency or famine)
11. If you get a late night call for a blessing will reporters follow you around wanting to know what was wrong and what you said? (All worthy male men in the church are given the Priesthood, where they can give blessings of comfort or healing by the laying on of hands - Men are encouraged to call their Home Teacher if they need a blessing)

If Mitt Romney is assigned to be YOUR home teacher:
1. Is telling the group leader you haven't been home taught a national security breech?
(funny because it is a temptation for everyone when they report at the end of month to say they've gone even if they haven't)
2. If he wants to come at the end of the month, do you accept his reason,"I've been out of town?"
3 Will he drop by unannounced or will the media crews give him away? Grin!

There is more to this thing than the non member public can conceivably understand!! I wonder if Mitt and Ann have even stopped to ponder the possibilities.

I hoped I helped the Non-Mormon public understand. It sure seems that I took all the laughs out of it. And, here is my last question. You always refer to your Bishop as Bishop (whatever their last name is). Like LeGrand would be Bishop Gold. This is a way we show respect.

If Mitt Romney were the President of the United States, could his Stake President call him to serve as a Bishop at the same time? If he is a Bishop, do you call him Bishop President or President Bishop?

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Blog Blah Blah

What is your blogging philosophy? I had a conversation with my brother today who told me that I needed more pictures on my blog. I am purposefully not putting a picture here. I love being passive aggressive, or just aggressive. I am never passive, even though it is my goal every year of my life to learn to be passive.

My blogging philosophy is this....Do whatever you want with your own darn blog. That is why you have it. Blogging allows you to actually control something in your life all by yourself. My favorite blogs are the ones like mine, that actually have some commentary. The more personal the information the better (few people dare to live their life as an open book and people who do dare have my utmost respect - as long as they can actually talk about something besides themselves)

I like to read people's opinions and love the internet for bringing them all to my very own house. I can get millions of opinions with a few clicks. How is that for someone who still has a market research bug somewhere deep down inside? I loved calling and bugging people for their personal information when I was telemarketer, but I am now the first one to hang up on them. I don't need them, I have blogging now. And, I now get my high from the comment click. Woo hoo.

And while I am sharing my opinion, I am not a huge fan of blogs that have only one chronicle and scrapbook one's own family. C'mon give me some substance. Every Mormon family blog looks exactly the same. I don't care how cute your kid is! Although I am giving my kudos to Meagan for at least admitting that her blog is what I don't like. (I like it all the more now that you were willing to openly talk about it.) he he - Now I know that I just ticked some of my blogging friends off. Sorry. I do still read all of your blogs, or should I say, I do still look at each and every picture. But, if you would like some other comments from me besides "cute picture" then do something daring and give me some juicy stuff.

And, just for the record, here is the official definition of blog: a Web site that contains an online personal journal with reflections, comments, and often hyperlinks provided by the writer

I think you will be surprised at knowing that most blogs don't fit the definition, including mine. I don't really journal all of the details; I never link often enough, I talk too much, and evidently I don't have enough pictures either. Oh well, I gave up a long time ago trying to please my brothers.

I like this's definition better:
A blog is a personal diary. A daily pulpit. A collaborative space. A political
soapbox. A breaking-news outlet. A collection of links. Your own private
thoughts. Memos to the world. Your blog is whatever you want it to be. There are
millions of them, in all shapes and sizes, and there are no real rules. In
simple terms, a blog is a web site, where you write stuff on an ongoing basis.
New stuff shows up at the top, so your visitors can read what's new. Then they
comment on it or link to it or email you. Or not.

So, happy blogging everyone, even you family people!

Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Conversation Pieces

LeGrand has repeatedly warned me that blogging about "the bedroom" is off limits and so I hope the following two funny conversations don't cross the limits. If you are the kind of person who is afraid that you may not want to read further, please stop here. I don't want to embarrass you or me. If you are even just 1% like me then I am sure I just peaked your curiosity and I know you will have to keep reading, even if you don't know if you want to. If that is the case, I don't mind if I embarrass you a little, just don't tell me if I've offended you. I offend so many people in my life, and I just don't need one more. Consider yourself warned.

LeGrand and I have been trying to get pregnant for 8 months now with no luck. We've never really had to work at it before and so we have gotten a little worried. As we were talking for the two minutes that we actually saw each other last night, LeGrand felt it necessary to share with me the infomercial that he had heard on the radio. I vaguely remember, as I was half asleep, but the commercial mentioned that there is a link to an enlarged prostate and fertilization. So, my memory was jogged about another short conversation that had occurred that I meant to blog about: (for your reading pleasure, here it is)

So, we were at LeGrand's parents for Christmas and an interesting conversation took place that I thought was worth sharing. LeGrand's little brother Logan started commenting that he needed to go and relieve his bladder in the bathroom. This small statement blew up into a huge thing. Jordan, the middle brother, starts telling Logan that he shouldn't hold it for so long. "It's not healthy." Logan then says, "Yeah, when I hold it too long it almost starts to hurt." So, this conversation is going on and on and it is almost making me uncomfortable re-sharing it here. (At the time it didn't seem to be such a big deal) During the whole conversation, where even Faye and I added a few suggestions, LeGrand, the oldest brother, was sitting across the room at his laptop, totally oblivious. All of the sudden, LeGrand looks up and loudly exclaims, "Oh yeah, well I have an enlarged prostate." What in the world? If you aren't already laughing, then you have to imagine the look on the face of my usually quiet and subdued husband. The look was as if to say, "So, top that, you wimpy bladder brothers!" LeGrand swears that he was trying to warn Logan that he may have the beginning of prostrate problems, but I think he was just bragging.

And another funny conversation that is totally not related yet is in a round about way. (has to do with male body parts - again stop reading now if you are easily offended) This is a conversation that happened between my brothers and sisters and I about a year and half ago. I have wanted to share it for a long time ago but have never felt appropriate. (I am going to now lose the two new readers that I gained this week, but hey, this blog is for me anyway and I like writing about funny things)

We were at my sister Sarah's house. She lives in Lincoln, CA, and her house became the gathering place when my Grandma Dorothy died. The funeral was in close by Sacramento. All seven of us siblings were together for the first time in 6 years. So, where did the conversation head? - The natural place of course, what name were we each teaching our own children for the male body part. I have all daughters and so of course I wasn't as involved here. My brothers, who all have sons were really getting animated. The following names were mentioned: Pe Pe, We We, Tinkles, Wa Wa, and on and on. Who knew there were so many choices? I had put my two cents in towards the beginning of the conversation, "We just teach the girls the correct scientific terminology like the parenting books tell us to....penis is the only word we use." You should have heard the roars of disapproval from the peanut gallery. This is what really got the conversation going.

Seriously, I didn't know when it would ever end. We were talking about his for about ten minutes, and the brothers started making up new names that would be good to use. I couldn't stand it another minute. How could I possibly stop the conversation? Like a pro, if you ask me, "At our house we just call it King Kong." (LeGrand is going to kill me because it really isn't true) Yes, I really hope that you are laughing. But, if you are offended or not, I have to say that it's o.k. because at the time, my plan worked like a charm. Everyone laughed so hard that we finally had a lull long enough in the conversation to change the subject.