Friday, February 08, 2013

I have that much.

Faith is important to me.
I've discussed it before
here, here, here, and here.

Faith has carried me through a lot of stuff.
One of those above links
was when my husband failed the bar exam.
That was tough.

Here is how faith
influenced me
as a small child.
The story is also
a fun reminiscence
of my crazy dad
and how he jimmy-rigged
and stole (I mean borrowed)
a truck to get our
station wagon out of the mud.


So my latest trial of faith may be the hardest trial I've ever faced. It's not something I can really blog about because to reveal it would not be fair to others, but it's tough. Trust me, it's really tough, so tough I can't talk about it on my blog. ( And you all know I talk about everything from moobs, my body, crying myself to sleep, and even the horrible botched farce on breastfeeding.) So it's tough and it reminds me that everyone is fighting their own hard battle, whether or not they share it.

Anyhow, I was praying about this trial last week. It was one of those big prayers in my life that I will always remember. For me it was huge on two levels. It was huge because I decided to do it after a long prideful prayer hiatus. {shame on me} And it was huge because I poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father as though he really was my Father listening and that He cared and that He would help me. I bawled like a baby and questioned, "Why?" Even if we aren't supposed to ask "why", I did. (This is one of my favorite addresses on trusting in the Lord and talks about not asking why) I needed to know WHY does this have to be my life when I have tried so very hard for the last 20 years to do everything right for God.

The answer came (like it always does eventually) two-fold. The answer was first a thought in my mind. "I have this trial so I will pray." This trial is so hard that it always brings me to my knees out of desperation and God allows this in my life because He knows I will be happier with Him in my life.

The second answer came from the words out of my own mouth.

"Father, you've said in your scriptures that if we have the faith of a mustard seed, we can move mountains. Well, I sometimes struggle with my faith, but I know I have that much. I have at least as much as a mustard seed."

I saw in my mind, my Father in Heaven, the most omnipotent being ever. All knowing, all powerful, and all loving, he let go of his embrace from this wailing child, he nodded at me and said, "Yes, you do. Well done. Now hold on Alice, we're gonna move this mountain on my time."

Faith is my greatest treasure. I hope I always keep at least a mustard seed worth.

Thanks to the book Cold Sassy Tree for another take on faith and answered prayers.
{SPOILER ALERT}



I'll publish my book review on Cold Sassy Tree next week.
It's a new all time favorite.


Here is some spiritual enlightenment on how to use the supernal gift of prayer. Really really good stuff.

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