Halloween by NutMom

November 1st has quickly become 

one of my favorite days of the year.

It used to be the 2nd of November 

as that's my birthday,

but now it's the first.

For sure.

No contest.

Why?

It's the day after Fall Madness.

That's the only reason.

I hate the pressure

of Halloween.

Detest.

The pressure.

Even without comparing

it's horrendous

to be a mom

at Halloween.

Here's a poem

to explain.

The teenager hollered

starting three weeks ago.

"Mom, I need black tulle.

I also need black tights.

Don't forget the spray paint

Oh, and I need that special make-up,

don't worry

I'll make sure it is just right.

Why don't you dress up mom?

Why don't you?

You're no fun."

The two girls in the middle

say

"Mom, I don't want something out of the box,

I want something new.

I don't know if I like

that 70% off costume."

Chili cook-off dinner,

make sure you do the award winner.

Do you have some table centerpieces

to bring?

Why of course.

I just have to go and find them

in the garage,

buried under all my

back to school bins.

Not really.

Make all the calls for school parties,

try to get it done before dinner.

Take three days

to go to the school

and paint pumpkins

with the kids

because the PTA

thought it would be a great

idea to have a huge

Pumpkin Walk

just weeks following the carnival.

Oh, and don't forget all the stuff

you had to purchase to put

in the gift baskets.

"Oh, you don't want to do the craft.

You don't want to do the game.

You just want to come to the class party and enjoy.

No worries.

I'll take care of it all."

Google and pinterest

are my best friends.

Too bad they can't come

over and party tend

for me

so I can have a nap.

Off to the dollar store.

They don't have orange balloons.

Neither does Wal-Mart.

Ah- ha I got the last bag

at the specialty party store.

I don't need 100,

only 32,

I convince the clerk

to open the bag,

and sell them individually

for a quarter a pop.

Yes, you, even more procrastinating mom,

you are very welcome

at 10 am tomorrow.

"Caroline,

do you like this one?"

No mom it's scary.

I don't want to dress up.

I want to be a butterfly.

No, I don't want to be a butterfly.

I want the cheap plastic wand.

But, what will you be with that?

That wand will be broken before

tomorrow night.

I've been there, done that.

At least 50 times.

Oh, look Caroline,

look at this cute

cowgirl hat.

It will go perfect with your

boots.

Oh, yes mom.

I love it.

It's pink.

Do you want to wear it

trick or treating?

No I want to stay home with dad.

Dad wrote off Halloween

years ago.

He hates trick-or-treating.

Can't we all just stay home?

We try to bribe the kids every year,

so far only the three-year old

thinks it's a good idea to stay home.

Maybe we are moving in the right direction?

Let's not even get into 

pumpkin carving.

That's a whole other poem,

with the guts,

and the seeds,

that have to be roasted,

and the candles that have to be

found.

tonight.

And the specialty tools

that all break before the night is over.

And then I sit down for two seconds

before I have to run to the school.

And I look at the blogs.

And her family is all themed.

And her costumes are all homemade.

In fact,

I saw them

all over Pinterest

just yesterday.

And

this lady had a party

with handmade masks.

Oh, and this friend

has an annual

Halloween dinner

with spooky food.

Check out the jello worms.

I asked her if my kids

could come next year.

Because I am too tired.

And I just have to wonder?

Are these all the moms

that didn't want to do the craft

or the game

for the school party?

Did they say no?

Or are they all as crazy as me?

Did they take them self to the picture show

last night too?

Because they just had to get away

after accomplishing

500 things yesterday

and then working their 4 hour shift

at their part time job

so they can afford

the game, craft, treat,

costume, pumpkin,

and the regular groceries.

Did they go to the movie

to avoid putting the kids to bed

because one more mom moment

would set them over the edge?

On the way home did

they sing to themselves

"took myself to the picture show

sat myself in the very last row

(da da  da da da da da

da da da da da da da -

because I couldn't remember how

it really goes)

I'm a nut.

I'm a nut.

I'm a nut.

I'm a nut.

I'm a nut."

Somehow I'm doing something wrong.

Terribly wrong.

Every year.

And maybe

next year

I'll get it right.

Or maybe I will just

keep holding my breathe

and try not to flip out

for the next 20 years,

and then I can be the grandma

like her

who takes the grandkids

for their photoshoot

every year on Halloween.

Maybe at that point,

my new 

favorite day of the year

will be Oct 1st

instead of Nov 1st.

Because I

won't have to

worry about my sanity.

I don't think it's

a coincidence

that this song was written

about an acorn on the ground.

Probably in the Fall.

Like late October.

I'm a an acorn on the ground, 

Sitting under this here tree.

Everybody steps on me, 

That is why I'm cracked you see.

Chorus:

I'm a nut,

I'm a nut, 

I'm a nut, nut, nut-nut-nut.

Called myself on the telephone 

Just to see if I was home. 

Made a date for half past eight, 

Better hurry or I'll be late! 

- Chorus 

Took myself to the picture show 

Sat myself in the very last row 

Wrapped my arms around my waist 

Got so fresh I slapped my face! 

- Chorus 

Bought some roses at the store.

Told myself I wanted more.

That's why I broke up with me.

Now I am a nut that's free!

- Chorus 

Gee, I miss me all the time.

Wonder if I'm doing fine.

Maybe I'll stop by to see

If I have a chance with me.

- Chorus

Coca-Cola went to town, 

Pepsi-Cola shot him down.

Dr. Pepper fixed him up, 

Now we all drink 7-Up.

- Chorus

For those of you that don't know the song.

 

 Oh and here's another fun find.