I don't want to be manipulative. I have worked really hard at learning that people have their own choices to make and that I need to give them the space to for their own choices. Boy, that was a hard lesson to learn too. Especially when you grow up in a family where everyone is always up in everybody else's business.
But, I am curious. Does anyone even read this little blog anymore? I think I killed it to death. According to my stat counter, I know I get hits, but I was really really surprised that I just wrote a post giving away a free shirt with a value of $20 and I have not received one entry yet. Not one. Is it just that all of you don't want to go over to their website before leaving a comment? Or is it that I harped on the modesty thing too much? Or are you all like me and think you will never win anyway? Or is there really just no interest in the amazing halftee?
Anyway, I've been blogging a long time and lately this here little blog has been in a big 'ol drought in the comment department. I can't even get a comment on a giveaway. I believe it may be time to hang up the towel. I am not saying that to make you feel sorry for me, but I've been open with y'all during the whole journey and I feel like I should also be open at the end.
I don't blog solely for comments. I will always blog for my kids. I think they deserve their stories to be written and this here blog is the best place I have found for that to be done (with pictures to boot), but let's face it, if nobody is enjoying this thing I may as well slow down in the posting department. It's all good, I've got other ambitions and plenty of other avenues in the writing department. I have three books I have been too afraid to commit to and even if I am kidding myself with my writer's ambitions there is always my neglected good old fashioned journal.
I wonder if everyone isn't reading blogs anymore? Has facebook and twitter taken over? I know there are great popular blogs out there with large audiences so it can't be that blogging is no more. I have recently had time to reflect that mine will probably never be one of those of blogs. It's o.k! I think that it's time for me steer myself in another direction and trust God to a greater degree. I know He's got my back. It's not that those other bloggers are better than me, it's just that they found their callings in life, and I have not.
I have grown with this blog. It has been like the fertilizer to my roots, but I believe it may be time to not just bud, but flower. I need to flower in another direction. Toward the sun.
What is the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I believe it's time for me to change. I believe it's time for me to let go. I believe it's time for me to grow some wings and fly away from the mediocrity of comfort.
This blog may not have the ending that I have wanted all these years, which is thousands of readers, but it's not because of lack of effort and that is such a comfort to me. It will end with a fundamental change in me. That change is I no longer need thousands of readers. What good are thousands of readers if you aren't doing what God wants you to do. I've given it all I've got. I've come to the conclusion that this blog is just not my calling in life, no matter how much I want it to be. I'm not saying that to get your sympathy. I just want to be honest with myself. I have prayed a lot about this very thing. What is my mission in life? I want to use the time I've got in the way God wants.
I have taken this blog to good places. I have gotten hundreds of thousands of hits. I have been recognized by other bloggers. Most of all I have made some wonderful blogging world friends. My greatest recognition has been the times when you, my friends, have laughed and cried along with me. It's been a great ride. A great ride. It's something that I am very proud of. I don't walk away with my head hung in shame, but I will walk away with a greater vision and more courage than ever before. It's time for Alice to let go of her desires and get more in tune with God's will.
Yes, it's time. No matter how much I want to fight it. I've given this blog almost a decade of my life and it's time to let it go. Thank you friends for helping me get to where I am, even if it was just vicariously by being my imaginary readers. I thank each of you for being my audience because I know that took a lot of patience on your part.
I have scheduled out some posts and I have a bunch of drafts I need to finish, but after that I believe I will post only the family stories that I can't bear to forget or things that God puts on my heart.
Wow, this is emotional for me, but it's also exciting. God is so good to me. He has waited to let me see the need for forfeit after He gave me the strength for it and the vision for something else. Thank you my loving Father in Heaven. Thank you. Thank you for the past. Thank you for the future. But most of all thank you for the present moment when I know you are here with me.
This blog will never be by the wayside. It has been my northern star.