Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Guest Post - Jarrett Ferguson Gold - Are Blondes Really Dumb?

It is against my better judgement to publish Jarrett's jibberish, but when a family member actually takes time to write something, you can't very easily turn it down, can you?

For the stories sake, you need to know.
I am Alice.(just in case you are blonde and have no idea who this blog belongs to)
LG is my husband.
Jarrett is LG's cousin.


Jarrett is a liar, or maybe I should say that in a nicer way? Jarrett is a story-teller. He learned it from the best of the best, and it's the very reason we get along so swell...just as soon as we worked out his hurt feelings over MY honeymoon in his backyard! Yes, my whole honeymoon was spent with my husband's family. Can you believe we are still married? Apparently sleeping in your in-laws basement and your in-law's in-law's Winnebago is good luck for the long life of marriage. Who knew?

On with the guest post. All about blondes. And me. You can just disregard the part about me because it's all lies. LIES!!! Yes, the owner of the blog gets the last word Jarrett.

The picture on facebook that started it all.
Jarrett: "Perfect corn maze for my dear sweetheart!"

Jarrett and his beautiful blondies


Is it true? Are blondes really dumb?
I’m not sure where the rooting of the blonde jokes comes from but there are some that do take the analysis seriously. Wikipedia link

I really never took it all that seriously. And based on my experience, being married to a blonde woman with blue eyes I never really thought of my wife as a dumb blonde. Oh sure there’s the occasional joke like the above referenced picture but she takes it well and knows I mean no harm by it.

Here’s a question: If she gets her hair highlighted, and the roots touched up, does that really make her a true blonde? It’s hard to tell anymore. The $100 Hundred dollar visits to the hair dresser drive me a bit crazy but she does have blue eyes naturally and was blonde as a child. I think most blondes grow up to eventually be browns anyways unless artificially maintained. IS that because they do get smarter as they get older?

As I ponder this infinitely eternal question of “Are blondes really dumb?” I can think of a lot of conflicting data. My sister is not a blonde. We used to call her an “ink head.” She was meant to be blonde but God dropped ink on her head instead. I love my sister, she’s a sweetheart, and as I get older I feel ashamed for the trauma that me and my two brothers likely caused her. We called her fat, dumb, lazy, and many other mean and cruel things. In the end, she turned out to become a really great person despite her horrible childhood with 3 awful brothers! She’s one of the sweetest most patient persons on the planet. She’s still a bit air-headed but she really does know a lot more than she lets on.

I’ve known LG longer than Alice has known LG. LG was very blonde as a child. AND he’s a very smart guy. His wife Alice on the other hand is not blonde and I would find the words flakey, flighty, or spastic to adequately describe Alice. I’ll never forget the first time I met Alice….or, was it just the sound of her voice I heard?

I had just gotten home from my 2 year Mormon mission from Spain. LG and I hadn’t seen each other in about 3 years due to the overlap of our missions. LG and Alice got married just a few days prior to my homecoming. LG and Alice got the honeymoon suite out in the backyard since they had recently taken vows! We’re talking deluxe accommodations for privacy. The Winnebago had a sign placed on the door, “If it’s a rocking don’t come a knocking!”

Being a recently returned Mormon missionary I had no qualms about knocking on a door and disturbing someone! Besides, I wanted to catch up with my dear friend and family member LG. Share my mission stories and hear some of his mission stories!

I certainly didn’t want to enter “their space” so LG and I took our conversation in the house. We’d been talking for maybe a ½ hour or so when we hear: “LG – WHERE ARE YOU? GET OUT HERE AND MAKE ME A HAPPY WOMAN!”

I was floored when I saw/heard this. I just wanted to catch up with my cousin who I hadn’t seen in 3 years and she’s yelling and carrying on like this after he’s been gone for 30 minutes?!! I asked: “What kind of NEEDY woman did you marry LG?”

When he replied it all made sense to me: “I married a sister missionary from my mission.” I offered my congratulations and condolences and LG went on to carry out his newly found and soon to be mastered husbandly duties.

So now were back to the original question: Are blondes really dumb?
I can’t say that I’ve done any scientific research, I can just think of two brunettes that exhibit blonde like qualities in the form of my sister and my cousins wife. Both of which are very sweet and awesome women!
In the end I know that my blonde wife can’t be all that dumb – after all, she did marry me!

J. Ferguson Gold

A couple of funny blonde jokes:
  1. A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair to look like a brunette.When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought,"Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"She got out and walked over to the farmer and said,"If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.Before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said."If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
  1. The assistant asked the blonde if she would like her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve."Six please" she said, "I could never eat twelve!"
  1. A blonde asked someone what time it was, and they told her it was 4:45. The blonde, with a puzzled look on her face replied,"You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer."

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hey! I'm hurt. Jarrett forgot about his favorite blond auntie Faye!!!

ShEiLa said...

This was a fantastic guest post.

Loved it!!!

I have a brunette sister that is most definitely a blonde... and she is NO way dumb... unless she is pretending to be.

ToOdLeS.

JennyLynn said...

This was a fun guest post. Really enjoyed it.

hope you got my e-mail with my guest post stuff. let me know if you did not get it.

Michelle Ford said...

This is a wonderful guest post! There are 4 in my family. My husband (brunette, what's still there anyway), myself (brunette), my stepdaughter Emily (brunette), and my little ole precious BLONDE baby girl Adriana. I definitely understand what Jarrett means when he talks about someone being an "ink head". My step daughter was definitely born with the wrong color hair IF blondes really are dumb. Lord love her heart, she asks the most ridiculous questions, and before I can even answer her my blonde child looks at her like she has two heads! Needless to say, my personal opinion is that blondes can't be dumb because my Adriana is a genious!! LOL... or maybe that's just the mommy in me. And it's always interesting in our house.
Great post Jarrett!