My Love

(LG and I - Dec 1997 - quite possibly my favorite photo in the world)

Oh the title makes me sing...."My love, there's only you in my life, the only thing that's right".

Am I the only crazy person in the world who hears lyrics in my head on a daily basis?

Now that Valentine's Day is over, I have had a whole half of a day to reflect.

On love.

Who knew it is so complicated?

I learned in therapy last week that I am really not the greatest at receiving love.

Try fixing that one. If you have success let me know.

I am a little worried that I am not going to be able to improve in the area and I'll be left a non-loved hag.

Just call me Grinch, or Scrooge, or even Ornery Old Lady, Maxine.

So, as I told you before, LG and I have been trying to figure out ways to enhance our marriage.

I could tell you all of our baggage, but that seems to bring out some serious haters.

And I am trying to learn how to receive more LOVE not HATE.

So, let's just say that 6 years ago when LG started law school, we hit a 6 year slump.

And we are trying to slowly dig our way out.

It takes individual and combined efforts.

It's complicated and difficult.

And exhausting.

Thank goodness we have a therapist to throw us a line from time to time.

But, I have every reason to believe that we will come out on top.

Together.

Meanwhile, I am spending a lot of time reflecting.

Instead of blogging.

As you have all noticed.

(And I've been spending too much time on Facebook.)

One thing that was told to me on Facebook was to read a book.

The Five Love Languages

by Gary Chapman

I found a copy at the local and awesome used book store, McKay's.

I didn't want to wait behind 32 other people at the local library, so I forked over $7.

I had to search for the book.

It was finally found in the Christian section in the subsection High Demand.

Funny they had only two copies compared to several shelves of Bibles.

Now that's a modern conundrum.

Can I now use my reading of The Five Love Languages as an additional argument for why Mormons are Christian too?

So, I have read a good twenty pages.

I am trying to decide my love language.

The choices are:

1- quality time

2- words of affirmation

3- gifts

4- acts of service

5- physical touch

The earth shattering gospel of the book is that every person has a love language that they understand.

Love languages are learned just as a native communicating language is learned.

If your spouse doesn't show love to you in your language,

it's as if a Chinese person who speaks no English is married to a Spanish person who speaks no Chinese.

Well, because my therapist says I am not good at receiving love.

Which I have come to believe is true.

I am wondering if I even have any love language at all.

LG and I were discussing this little worry of mine.

I was reminded of a little conversation we had recently.

I said, "I think I might have a little of the language of "gifts".

A few weeks back I was telling LG that I had read a great article in Good Housekeeping about the art of the love letter.

I told LG he should read it.

He agreed that he should.

He was distracted at work on the phone.

I didn't think he was listening to me.

I said, "Do you know what would be the best love letter for me?"

He said, "What?"

I said with all the confidence I could muster:

"The dishwasher is on it's way."

He was actually listening because he laughed.

Hard.

LG hasn't bought into the idea that buying me things will make our marriage more loving.

He questioned last night how him bringing me things home from The Dollar Tree could really help our marriage.

I told him that he should try it and see.

And that I think it really would.

Help our marriage.

He said, 'How does some random glass figurine make you know I love you?"

I reminded him that the first gift he ever gave me was a porcelain skunk.

And it has sat in a place of honor in our front room,

for the last twelve years.

He was silent.

As he pondered.

What he is going to buy me at the dollar tree.

Until he can afford the dishwasher.

And, my love language has been uncovered.

Now, we just have to figure out LG's.

We think his might be words of affirmation.

He likes it when I tell him that he's sexy.

I told him that spending $1 on something stupid is sexy.

Watch out therapist.

Gary Chapman is gonna steal your hardest clients.

Please, don't ever argue that facebook isn't good for a marriage.

Because although my therapist helped me to see that my love needed help in the receiving department.

A friend on facebook pointed me in the right direction.

So that I could see that I would most prefer to receive love,

in the form of a gift.