Thursday, May 07, 2009

Who snores at your house?

I love you LG!

A few posts back, I confessed something HUGE.
Yep, LG and I are in marriage counseling.

I would like to take this opportunity to clarify a few things,
as LG was a little (o.k. A LOT) worried about telling the world.

And even though I got his permission for disclosure
way before I even considered writing the post,
he was still very skittish about everybody knowing.

In fact, he checked my comments hourly for the two days after the post.
He was convinced that I would get no comments at all
because people would feel awkward with the topic.
So, even if you feel awkward about it,
I beg of you, support my hubby and leave a comment.
Or don't. (He'll get over it)

LG wanted me to make it known that
just because we are in counseling,
he and I were never really on the virge of divorce.

O.k. there may have been a week or two there a few years back,
like the first and second year of law school.
(But I am sure most couples are on the brink of disaster during law school.)
Or I may have entertained divorce frequently our whole first year of our marriage,
but recently we have been mostly happy.

We just started having many experiences that our own weaknesses
were becoming very evident.
Our own "baggage" was affecting us way too much,
and it was eating away at us individually
and at our marriage.

We wanted to change the cycles.
So, we went with an expert.
Because we are humble and smart.
Not because we are weak or ignorant.

One of the first things we learned in therapy is
that we need to not point fingers at each other.

I read this quote this morning and thought it very appropriate.
"A marriage is always made up of two people
who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores."

And after months of counseling,
I still say with a sure knowledge that LG snores
way longer and louder than me.
But, I can now also admit, that I snore too.

That's my story and I'm sticking to it.
And, I'm not pointing fingers.
I have video.


Somebody Loved said...

I am the first here.

I never got the impression that you two were on the way to 'splitting the sheets'.

Let's see...
EVERY couple has problems. EVERY couple would be better off knowing how to help the other. EVERY couple is NOT wise enough to get help... because WE all figure that we are BIG people and that WE DON'T NEED help.

I especially admire you LG. Men have a lot harder time than women gettting advice (or directions). Most of the time relationship counseling happens... but the problem is... only one party in the relationship shows up... the woman. Or worse... then husband tells the wife... YOU need some professional help... never thinking once that he could use some too.

The one thing I did get out of the last post. YOU have a marriage worth saving.


Laura said...

here's my confession...the bar just about broke me. i was ready to walk out the door. i went to the stake presidency. i was done. i'm totally feeling ya on the bad days of law school.
we all have problems. but who cares. when you love that other person you do anything to stay with them.

cally said...

I sigh and twitch. I probably snore, too.

I'd like to go to therapy, I think it's great. We all need some good talking.

Tell LG he's a good man. Or, I'll tell him. LG, you're a good man.

The P*dunc's said...

I think that anyone and everyone would benefit from counseling. I have never heard anyone that has gone to counseling, myself included, come out saying it was a bad decision.

I also think that "airing some dirty laundry" helps other that read this learn and grow.

almostgotit said...


People who are committed to each other do whatever it takes to stay that way, and if more of us would love each other to seek marriage counselling, we'd all be better off.

We are in marriage counselling, too!

Yo Mamma said...

Listen to me: dental school is a killa, and Noah and I both feel it in our marriage. Seriously! How much can one couple take. I was inspired by your posts and very appreciative of your honestly. I've known LG for practically my whole life, and you going on 10+. You're good people doing a good thing.

Klin said...

I may snore, but I do not phart!

We did some counseling for bit, too. It's good to have that third person there who can help you see the others point of view when our vision gets clouded.

I have TONS of respect for LG for being able to admit it. No shame in being a real person. Those faking it are not happy.

I love to go to therapy. It helps me be a better therapist, mommy, wife, neighbor, etc. Cause let's face it I have issues. :)

MiaKatia said...

Beautiful post Alice! And for the record, I snore too. I personally think counseling sounds like a great idea, for all marriages. Who wouldn't want to better at marriage with the person they love with all their heart?

Marla said...

Marriage counseling is a smart idea!! :) Thanks for bringing the stuff over the other day! You guys looked great, all dressed up!

chantal said...

I admire anyone humble enough to go to counseling, especially marriage counseling! marriage is HARD!! I think every couple has those moments of wondering wether or not they will make it. It's a tough one to admit, but hey, no couple is perfect! Well, some look that way, and maybe they are. Maybe they have the secret code to marriage. If anyone does I would sure like to know because we can't afford therapy!!

Renee said...

I absolutely point fingers... not only do I point, but I elbow and yell and sometimes hit when my dear husband snores. Hate it.

EmmaP said...

i went to counseling for just over a year. after my first session, i was like, "Gee - EVERYONE should go to counsleing at least once in their life!" and i was serious. if there are things you want to change - who better than a non-emotional, extremely knowledgeable, and highly professional counselor? My experience was simply amazing, and I know that it has changed my life for the better, forever. Incidentally, I never knew I snored. I was only told that recently. I thought he was kidding. I didn't want to admit it. Nonetheless, I can be a big girl and admit it... I snore... (sometimes, and only a wee bit, and usually only when I'm extremely tired and especially if I have a cold.....)

Funny Stuff said...

That was a nice one

mother goose said...

Glad it's working. It's about communication. hash it out among the two of you. It takes a lot of talking. Soon, you won't need that third party.

Mr. I, was not a communicator, he could not talk or express. when it came down to possibly losing what was most dear to him, he slowly started opening it, I needed to express much patience. but, as he did and as I worked on patience he speaks freely.

Anonymous said...

My dad once told me that him and my step-mom (of 25 years I might add), even go to counseling when things are good, just to keep it real.

Amen to that!

I think its a good thing, big or small problems.