Thursday, April 30, 2009

The love for the hubby

LG is finally ready to admit that we have been in counseling. And so now, you all get to hear about it. Aren't you lucky? Marriage counseling has been a great experience and we've learned a lot about ourselves and each other. We highly recommend it, and wish we would have gone 12 years ago. I don't know when or if we will ever "graduate", but hope that it will be really soon.

One day our awesome therapist mentioned the love we have for each other. I said, "Yeah, that is the reason we are here, we've got to figure this out, we love each other too much to leave." It's ironic that LG is a divorce attorney, and he himself would never get a divorce. LG and our therapist are always teasing each other about giving each other referrals. It's funny to see a marriage counselor and a divorce attorney strike up a good friendship.

Well, one of the good things about counseling has been that LG is now willing to admit that he has problems. WOW! It only took me 12 years to break him. Just kidding. We all know that my problems are just as bad, if not worse.
I thought that these pictures were appropriate to my feelings about my man lately. With a little coaching, and kissing, LG is turning into quite the prince charming. Let me tell you, counseling has been worth every dollar.

And here is a story to make you laugh. Thanks to Valerie for the e-mail forward.

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa:

"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have, or will, eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, "Wedding Cake?"


Lori said...

I had no idea, how long have you been going? Kudos, it can only be a good thing. That's funny about the divorce lawyer/marriage counselor relationship...if one can't help someone, the other can!

John said...

It is a good thing your husband is the only one with problems or things to work on in the relationship... ;0)

Kim said...

Hi Ali,
It's your cuz-in-law Kim. I found your blog through Aunt Faye's. I'm all for counseling. For some reason I think society views it as a failure or like your marriage is falling apart. But I think the opposite--I think it shows that both parties are realizing that they can improve and they're all for doing whatever they can to make things even better. We haven't been to counseling together but we've been separately and someday hope to go together (it's a time issue right now). I think it's awesome. Who wouldn't want an objective party to perfectly validate your struggles and offer encouragement and just make you feel warm and fuzzy?:) Everyone could use a therapist!

Scribbit said...

Pretty brave of you for saying something--I think it's great how you're working on it. I don't think counseling is at all a failure--failure is thinking there's no point in fixing things or not caring. Good luck to you!

Somebody Loved said...

Even when you kiss a toad...
and you marry the handsome prince... it all isn't
happily ever after??????????

You have so wrecked my day.

I love this post and the photos.
I miss you. I wish we were neighbors so we could be go everywhere do everything buddies.
I ate lunch at Bajios today with my sister and I thought of YOU.


Cheryl said...

Mort Fertel...backed by Stephen Covey...puts Marriage Counseling to shame. I would find it difficult to hash and rehash marriage problems out. I think I would enter the office with hope...and then just feel like punching my husband after I heard what he had to say. Ha! I give you lots of credit isn't an easy thing to do. My first steps to a better marriage is to work on myself...I need to get rid of my baggage...or atleast understand it and use techniques to shoo away triggers. If I were to describe my would be this.

I over analyze my is as if we planted some beautiful flowers and I keep pulling them up to check the roots!

I read this in a recent read of mine.

Good luck to both of you! You will learn alot about each other.

Bunch of Brooks' said...

This post cracked me up because I LOVE counseling and I feel like I still have to be careful who I mention it to. I've done it for myself and seriously have fallen in love with the idea of getting a Masters in Marriage and Family Counseling...someday when I have no babies around here! Good Luck and I hope LeGrand gets fixed!!LOL

Klin said...

I love counseling, too. Getting it and doing it.

my hubby is the only one with problems, too ;) we just tell people that there is no help for him and laugh to ourselves.

The Wills Family! said...

Yay for communication! It's good to hear you guys are doing well!

Cati said...

I have lots of friends married and single that go to counseling. I am yet to hit those waters but its been in the back of my mind. Tell me this... if you could give any piece of advice weather learned from Counseling or re to marriage... what would that advice be???

gosh don't we all have problems, Maybe I should start by going on my own... but then what do I answer when the Counselor asks me... "so.. why are you here?" where to start?

Mother Goose said...

Glad you have both decided to work on this. Counseling is help. Satan is working over time on families. The family is under attack. It should be gaurded at all costs, and on a vigil watch.
We should be careful with even the slightest little things and mindful of each other.

WE have had some doozies! Marital issues thought to seek marital counseling but neither wanted to pay and both of us were to stubborn to go, so we resolved that we could work it out ourselves. WEll, mainly because I am a REALLY GOOD counselor and MR. I is a really good client.
Really, no joking. WE listened to each other hashed it out and resolved to try to give each other what we said we needed.

This is one thing that I felt. I was feeling not validated for the things I did. I felt like he felt his time was more important and he always had individual time. While I stayed with the babes. This changed. We each got our own time.

Couple dates were crucial. WE alternated weeks. He had to plan everything from the babysitter, to their food, to what we would eat and what we would do. the next week it was my job. We didn't have a choice, we had to do what the other had planned and the other HAD TO THINK about what that person would want to do.

Second, we upped our service. We attended the temple faithfully. We fulfilled all of our callings and magnified them.

Third, before MR. I would walk into a BOMB, because I am like a slow volcano. I let things build and build and then erupt over a carton of milk being left out on the counter. He stands their stunned and confused about why I am so mad over milk left out.

So, I promised not to let things build. I promised not to blame. I would say, Because your socks are on the floor. It says to me, you don't care. It says, MG has nothing better to do but pick up after me.
He wanted to be greeted each time he came into the door. He wanted to be asked how his day went and he wanted time to unwind once he got in the door. I could do all except for the unwind. I said, you will have to take your unwind time while you are driving in the car for a half hour because when you get in the house, you are the kids or mine. I have been alone or with these kids for 10 hours! I'm the one who needs to unwind. So, if you have to take 45 min. to get home, then do that.

one last comment before I leave.
If I was starting to feel neglected or needy. I would put an empty vase outside the front door. This was a sign to him that I am needing something or extra TLC. He just had to fill it or do something within the next few days. Either fill it with flowers bring chocolate, or something.
We have had the run of the gammet of marital issues. from big ones to little ones.
Truly, it takes two people who are just too stubborn to quit and in the end you will have a great marriage. But, marriage is constant courting and like a garden that needs to be tended to and weeded if not daily but definitely weekly.
You two are awesome!!

Katina Angola said...

Marriage counseling is a good idea. Unfortunatly we dont have the cash for it. Looks like Bishop Rose will be busy with us for awhile.:)

Nadelie said...

When did LG decide to delve into the divorce attorney arena?

Renee said...

You guys are a great example! So many people just pretend everything's ok, which of course, makes it worse... or just yell a lot. That's no good either.

Funny Stuff said...

I really love your blog. Its awesome & sometimes funny