Friday, June 10, 2011

Father's Day Nots

I may not be able to tell you what you should buy for your dad/hubby for Father's Day, but I can tell you what NOT to buy.

My hubby, LG, was checking out Amazon's list of Father's Day sale items and gave me the low down.

Here was his strongest reaction.

Tupperware? Tupperware! Tupperware?! Show me one dad in the universe that would want Tupperware for Father's Day.

Knives are just a tad bit better, but seriously? Who is running this website? Every metrosexual homosexual girly stay-home dad they could find?

Hmm. Robotic lawnmower. (said in a non-emotional voice)

Me: I thought you would love that?

LG: Oh yeah, that is cool. I would love that.

My man would also love that metal detector. It's a gadget. Anything gadget is beyond good. We decided that Ikea is the best store ever for a date-night because it combines a man's love for gadget with a woman's love for decor and beauty. He would also love the flatscreen or the wireless wireless forecast station.

Looking at the list this morning, I don't need my man to give me his two cents to instantly pick out other items that would be a bust at my house: lava lamp (he is 35 now), Jalepeno Rack (what the crap is that?), the turkey fryer (he wouldn't even be able to try it out until November), the picture frames (he doesn't love us that much), Desktop Humidor (I know we are kind of less than cultured but what is that? Is it just that I am a Mormon. Is a Humidor where a man keeps his cigars? I seriously don't know), the white dinky office chair (he's a man people, he wants a real chair), and last but certainly not least, the gnome (what kind of fathers day message does that are in the middle).

If I HAD to buy from Amazon, I would go with the hammock on the second page. Or the robotic lawn mower. I would maybe even entertain the idea of the outdoor food smoker (if the man actually EVER cooked anything in his life).

Since the lawnmower is 800 fat ones and the metal detector is 849 and the flat screen is only 42", I guess I am going to have to go with my first and best idea: vienna sausages.

I try to buy the man some kind of sausage for every holiday and the little metal can will take him right down  memory lane. He was telling the girls just yesterday about when he was a kid he loved his Saturday adventures. He would load up his backpack with everything he needed (food, water, toilet paper) and head out for an adventure on his bike. He would be gone all day looking for abandoned building out in the forest. For some reason that he can't explain, his food always included vienna sausages. Gross.

This year, I am packing a backpack full of vienna sausages and taking the man on an adventure for Father's Day. I might even give him the ultimate gift. I might even eat one of the sausages. Or not.

Or I may have to rethink the whole holiday by shopping at America's true manly man store.

Walmart here I come.

 I would never want to disappoint this man. Look at him. He's the best daddy ever.

This article was first published and filled with useless links as Father's Day Nots on Blogcritics.

Although I was honored for my post to be chosen for publishing, 
I am not sure if I will ever enter another post for their review in the future
as it brought me no hits and it seems that the whole point of Blogcritics
is to use others' writing to shamelessly earn income for themselves.


ShEiLa said...

I think the hammock is a great idea... now if it was my hubby knives would be perfect... he never can have too many knives. (not my fav however, cut my fingers on many a dinner prep)BUT Tony would laugh me right out of the house with TUPPERWARE... but he did buy his own set of RUBBERMAID (and I keep them in a seperate cupboard) cause if he can't see the LID right away...) I know Tony really wanted a JIMMER jersy... but I can't find any sewn in ones... so maybe I will get the iPOD classic... he mainly wants it for his TUNES (while working on heavy equipment).


ps. YOUR post really got me thinking.

Laurel said...

Totally got it from the link on your blog!!

Amanda said...

Vienna sausages. GAG. That's not even real meat! At least go with some Spam. :)

Holly said...

Of course I read this AFTER I bought my hubbie steak knives for Father's day--I thought he would love to cut his Father's day steaks with something that is actually SHARP!

Holly said...

I HATE Vienna Sausages. That would be true love if you actually ate one. ..

Valerie Walker said...

Alice I LOVE this! And My husband and son BOTH LOVE those dang vienna sausages! hahaha To be honest they are not that bad with a cracker if you are REAL hungry! bahaahahhaha ;) I Love you Alice <3