Saturday, June 11, 2011

Desire


"Are all my desires pure?" I asked myself while reading this recent address.

I desire to love my fellow man.

I desire to live a long life.

I desire to spend quality time with my kids.

I desire to serve God.

I desire to share truth with my friends.

I desire to be humble.

I desire to be wise.

I desire a close relationship with my personal Savior Jesus Christ.

I desire to have a strong marriage.

I desire to teach my girls to be healthy and happy and strong.

I desire to love myself better.

I desire to help others.

I desire eternal life.

Yet, I judge others, refuse to eat right and exercise enough, tell my kids to leave me alone, pretend I don't know that people need service, withhold my beliefs in discussions, think I am too important, refuse to implement knowledge I have gained, slack on my personal scripture study and prayer, yell at my husband, assume I always have time to teach that to my kids later, engage in unhealthy self-talk, feel I lack skills, abilities, or means to make a difference, and last but not least, I looked at that pornographic picture that came up on my screen when I google image searched desire. Gross. Why did I do it? Yuck. I should have known better than to google search "desire". All I could say to myself is "so much for effective spyware."

I guess I am on the phase between desire and choices.

My newest desire is to never see anything like that again. I am pretty sure I am scarred enough that I will never ever falter on that choice again.

Anyone can desire. The hard part is in the choice and the actions. But choice and action are where the rewards await us.

I so want to change, achieve, and become. And I so want to forget that nasty picture.

5 comments:

Amanda said...

You have such a funny yet wise way of tapping into what so many of us struggle with. I catch myself in these moments. Ex. One minute I am wishing (desiring) to be healthy, fit, thin. The next, I am talking Brad and the kids into going to Froyoz for the 17th time this week.

ShEiLa said...

Once again you have grabbed my attention... desire seems innocent enough. Sorry about the porno pic... I have heard of people googling butterfly pics and getting an awful surprise... so it happens.

YOU do have a whole lot of worthy desires... so YOU are ok with me.

ToOdLeS.

JennyLynn said...

Well, you summed up what I have been feeling since school got out.

Good Job!!!

Holly said...

The good news is that at least you KNOW what you desire, and are now just trying to focus your energies on those desires.

Some people never even stop to think long enough to figure out what their real, long lasting desires are. . .

And me. It has taken every ounce of restraint not to google the Weiner pics, just so I can see what it is that everyone is talking about in the news. I hate feeling left out on info--even though I know I would be horrified by the pics. . .

One Happy Family said...

Was I suppose to be laughing when I read this post? I was. I wonder how many people read this post and then googled 'desire' to see what you saw. LOL. I was looking for some clip art one day and had the same problem. As always, I love your honesty. All I can say is when I've had a lack of desire is when I cared too much what others thought & I just didn't have any confidence in myself. I think it's completely normal to lack desire, because it's when we get the desire and act that we feel the greatest success or accomplishment thus building our confidence in ourselves once again. Increase in confidence always leads to a decrease in the need of approval from others. It's a vicious cycle.