I think I am an honorary grandparent. I have no memory. Really, it is almost sad!Can alztheimers (again, the spell check is out)set in early? I think mine set in before I was born.
Seriously. I cannot remember anything! If I didn't have a blog to keep track of my blogging, I may unknowingly write the same story over and over again throughout my life. I have to say that if I had to rewrite a story repeatedly, it would have to be Self Check Out. It is my favorite.
This one is for you, my old fogy friends (and you young Dorry's out there) I so relate to that cute little "My Nemo" Fish.
Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Gotta go!
This joke is in honor of Knoxville red light cameras and the bladder incontinence that 1/4 mothers experience.
My friend laughed the other day when I told her I have to cross my legs before sneezing or I will pee my pants. She thought I was kidding...I wasn't. Oh, what a mother sacrifices. My bladder will never be the same.
This joke is called:
Breaking the Speed Limit
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies’ room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her.
Without batting an eye, she said coyly, “I’ll bet none of you thought I would make it.”
My friend laughed the other day when I told her I have to cross my legs before sneezing or I will pee my pants. She thought I was kidding...I wasn't. Oh, what a mother sacrifices. My bladder will never be the same.
This joke is called:
Breaking the Speed Limit
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her.
Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies’ room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing their waiting for her.
Without batting an eye, she said coyly, “I’ll bet none of you thought I would make it.”
I'm smearing my spelling reputation
When I recently taught Abigail how to use the spellchecker, she didn't understand why she had spent so much time on that darn spelling bee a while back. I also wonder, "Why did we spend every moment in the car for three weeks spelling word after word, if a computer will fix your mistakes for you?" She was amazed! I am sure that somewhere in that great brain of hers, she is trying to figure out how she can have Microsoft Word close by for next year's competition.
I don't want to make you think that I am trying to exploit Abigial with this video because I chose to post the video of when she got outed. Abigail was the only third grader to stay in until the third round; she did very well. And it's a good thing because it felt like I lived and breathed spelling there for a bit. I just love watching her little wheels turn in this video. You can see it on her face that it only took her .005 second to realize that she didn't know how to spell smear. So, what did she do... she said something as quick as she could to get the misery over with. That's my girl...why prolong misery?...if you barrel through anything fast enough, it is as if you didn't experience it at all. (Wow, even if she doesn't ever win the spelling bee, maybe I have taught her some life coping skills?)
I like to blame LeGrand for the fact that Abigail did not know "smear". Really, if that would have been my word, she would have never forgotten the trick...ear with and sm? (Dad didn't really get into the spelling tricks) The end of page three was dad's job while mom was at work, back in December. LeGrand swears they went over it, and I am not trying to be mean by blaming him, but really, just so you know, it is the only way that I am feeling good about my job as a mom right now. That spelling bee was one way that I could prove that I was a little smart. LG, well, let's just say he doesn't need to prove anything to anyone (he's pretty secure) and he can also do math. And, let's face it, with Word around, who really needs to know how to spell anyway?
Is anyone else having trouble using their spellchecker in blogspot? I am sorry if I have made you all cringe with my misspelling during the last few days. (Is that word even spelled right?) Well, if anyone knows what I need to do so that I can spell correctly again, can you give me a shout? I would hate to smir my stellar spelling reputation.
And, a good old fashioned spelling bee is not going to work...I now know modern technology in the most intimate fashion, if you know what I mean.
I don't want to make you think that I am trying to exploit Abigial with this video because I chose to post the video of when she got outed. Abigail was the only third grader to stay in until the third round; she did very well. And it's a good thing because it felt like I lived and breathed spelling there for a bit. I just love watching her little wheels turn in this video. You can see it on her face that it only took her .005 second to realize that she didn't know how to spell smear. So, what did she do... she said something as quick as she could to get the misery over with. That's my girl...why prolong misery?...if you barrel through anything fast enough, it is as if you didn't experience it at all. (Wow, even if she doesn't ever win the spelling bee, maybe I have taught her some life coping skills?)
I like to blame LeGrand for the fact that Abigail did not know "smear". Really, if that would have been my word, she would have never forgotten the trick...ear with and sm? (Dad didn't really get into the spelling tricks) The end of page three was dad's job while mom was at work, back in December. LeGrand swears they went over it, and I am not trying to be mean by blaming him, but really, just so you know, it is the only way that I am feeling good about my job as a mom right now. That spelling bee was one way that I could prove that I was a little smart. LG, well, let's just say he doesn't need to prove anything to anyone (he's pretty secure) and he can also do math. And, let's face it, with Word around, who really needs to know how to spell anyway?
Is anyone else having trouble using their spellchecker in blogspot? I am sorry if I have made you all cringe with my misspelling during the last few days. (Is that word even spelled right?) Well, if anyone knows what I need to do so that I can spell correctly again, can you give me a shout? I would hate to smir my stellar spelling reputation.
And, a good old fashioned spelling bee is not going to work...I now know modern technology in the most intimate fashion, if you know what I mean.
Monday, February 04, 2008
Preachin Politics
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem too concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:
a Bible,a silver dollar,a bottle of whiskyand a Playboy magazine ‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself, ‘when he comes home from school this afternoon,I’ll see which object he picks up.If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard,and, Lord, what a shame that would be.And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ bum.’
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s Centerfold.
‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered, ‘He’s gonna run for Congress!’
VOTE FOR MITT. He's only got the Bible and the silver dollar.
One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment.
He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects:
a Bible,a silver dollar,a bottle of whiskyand a Playboy magazine ‘I’ll just hide behind the door,’ the old preacher said to himself, ‘when he comes home from school this afternoon,I’ll see which object he picks up.If it’s the Bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a businessman, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he’s going to be a no-good drunkard,and, Lord, what a shame that would be.And worst of all, if he picks up that magazine he’s gonna be a skirt-chasin’ bum.’
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s footsteps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped it into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this month’s Centerfold.
‘Lord have mercy,’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered, ‘He’s gonna run for Congress!’
VOTE FOR MITT. He's only got the Bible and the silver dollar.
Progression
So, good news at the imsofunny camp. I've had a total of 1,800 hits in the past few days. I never expected my instalanch and gateway link from two political blogs: instapundit and gatewaypundit.(because from my post a while back, you all know I have never really been into politics) But, wow, I have taken myself by surprise with my own involvement the past couple of weeks. Something lit a political fire under me and I am not totally sure what it was.
To all of my readers who like my typical stories and not my Mitt Romney propaganda, you will be happy that my love affair politics is almost over. I can feel my disenchantment coming on: it's inevitable, tomorrow is SuperTuesday. I'll be glad when it's over, so I can get back to blogging about things that I love. (not sure what the things I love are, but I like to rediscover that every day) I reallylaughed at what a man said to me tonight when I called him about voting. He said, "Well, honey, what I always say is, You have to vote or you have no right to b****." (I apologize to my Mormon friends for the vulgarity there)
On a side note: I have had the same template for my blog for the past 3 years. But recently people say they can't read it any more. Which, means that who knows how many of the people from my miracle of an instalaunch could actually read my blog! Oh well, I never planned on being famous in the political world anyway.
For you who have been disappointed when you came to my blog to only find one smeared page, you will be happy to know that I am now in the processing of changing my template. I have to say though that I feel a great sense of loss. I have gotten attached to my old one! How sad, somehow the instalaunch I've been wishing for got me no loyal readers and simutaneously ruined my good old template! Well, I guess it's all about progression. (blogging and political)
To all of my readers who like my typical stories and not my Mitt Romney propaganda, you will be happy that my love affair politics is almost over. I can feel my disenchantment coming on: it's inevitable, tomorrow is SuperTuesday. I'll be glad when it's over, so I can get back to blogging about things that I love. (not sure what the things I love are, but I like to rediscover that every day) I reallylaughed at what a man said to me tonight when I called him about voting. He said, "Well, honey, what I always say is, You have to vote or you have no right to b****." (I apologize to my Mormon friends for the vulgarity there)
On a side note: I have had the same template for my blog for the past 3 years. But recently people say they can't read it any more. Which, means that who knows how many of the people from my miracle of an instalaunch could actually read my blog! Oh well, I never planned on being famous in the political world anyway.
For you who have been disappointed when you came to my blog to only find one smeared page, you will be happy to know that I am now in the processing of changing my template. I have to say though that I feel a great sense of loss. I have gotten attached to my old one! How sad, somehow the instalaunch I've been wishing for got me no loyal readers and simutaneously ruined my good old template! Well, I guess it's all about progression. (blogging and political)
Campaign Calling
So, I got to call a bunch of people in Kingston, TN tonight to try and convince some last minute undecideds to vote for Romney.
One woman told me that she was voting for either McCain or Huckabee. I said something to the effect that, "If you want a conservative you need to vote for Romney, he's the only conservative with a chance."
She says "I could never vote for Romney."
I say, "It's a shame that people won't vote for Romney because they don't think that he is not Christian, because he is."
She says, "I think it's a shame that you call my vote a waste."
What the crap? Where did she get that?
She must realize that a vote for that Huckabee is a waste, and as far as I am concerned, so is one for McCain.
C'mon conservative voters, come through for us tomorrow.
Watch CNN. And, why did CNN even give Hucakbee air time? They are totally liberal, it's obvious by the way use their airtime. I am sick of it!
One woman told me that she was voting for either McCain or Huckabee. I said something to the effect that, "If you want a conservative you need to vote for Romney, he's the only conservative with a chance."
She says "I could never vote for Romney."
I say, "It's a shame that people won't vote for Romney because they don't think that he is not Christian, because he is."
She says, "I think it's a shame that you call my vote a waste."
What the crap? Where did she get that?
She must realize that a vote for that Huckabee is a waste, and as far as I am concerned, so is one for McCain.
C'mon conservative voters, come through for us tomorrow.
Watch CNN. And, why did CNN even give Hucakbee air time? They are totally liberal, it's obvious by the way use their airtime. I am sick of it!
Saturday, February 02, 2008
Britian's Got Talent
LG introduced me to one of the most popluar YouTube videos right now. It is obvious why LG thinks this a cool clip. But what most people don't know about LG is that he is also a soprano, just like this Brit.Truly, LG has never learned to sing anything past what he sang in church primary. He can hold a tune in soprano, but is still trying to figure out how to sing other manly parts of music. I do give him kudos for always practicing though.
And, what does this have to do with English Ed&Et you ask? Well, hello, Simon Cowell! He is one of my favorite Britishman. I love his honesty. Americans just can't handle people like Simon and I. This clip is from his show, "Britian's Got Talent". This male soprano is just amazing! It is no surprise that he won the grand prize which consisted of a good amount of money and a chance to perform for the Queen.
From the clip comes the English word of the day: goose pimple! Doesn't that just sound nasty? So people in the UK actually have pussy pimples when they get those tingles? Nah, I'm just kidding. We know what they mean, but really, just so you English people know, in the US, they are called goose bumps, not pimples. The word pimple is only uttered when referring to the yucky adolescent thing we call acne.
More on Romney
The articles will help you understand the real reasons I am rallying for Romney.
Contrary to popular belief, his good looks are not the reason. Although I do like one woman's ideas of a campaign slogan. Women for Romney can cry out: "We're smitten for Mitt."
And, isn't voting for a man because he is good looking just a step above not voting for a man because he is a Mormon?
I am posting a sign on my car until Tuesday (join me if you want)
Mitt Romney.com he's the only conservative.
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