Apology

I just got done listening to

Taylor Swift's new song

Back to December.

It is rumored to be

her apology to

Taylor Lautner.

How could anyone

ever be mean to Taylor Lautner?

What a little hottie.

Anyhow,

I am in a reflective mood right now.

And I am pondering

apologies.

I think Taylor's song is brilliant.

I think about the times in my life

when I have hurt other people,

and I wish I could go back

and do it differently.

If I can't go back and do it differently,

I wish that I could

communicate my regret

and sorrow

more masterfully.

I also think about the times

when I have been hurt.

And how I wish everyone

were good

with giving

a sincere apology.

Why is it so hard to say sorry?

I do it all the time.

Seriously.

But, anyhow,

this song

got me thinking even deeper.

Taylor's lyrics

talk about how she can tell

that whoever she is singing to

is not loving with the same intensity

when she sees him the next time.

He is "holding back",

I think that's how she put it.

"That in the back of his mind

he has that night in December

playing on replay."

That is how I feel so often.

I don't want to be hurt.

So, I hold back,

The next time I am

given the opportunity to love.

When listening to this song,

I felt what seemed to be sincere regret

in the lyrics.

But, do people really change?

If I were on the receiving end

of the original hurt

would I be able to make myself trust again?

Trust that they really changed?

What about if the hurt is repeated,

Over and over again?

I like to think that I would trust.

That I would tell you it's o.k.

But what if you aren't trustworthy?

How can I tell that you've really changed?

And how can I make myself

trust someone

who repeatedly hurts me?

I can either stop being hurt,

which seems would require me

to love with less intensity.

Or the other person

could quit hurting me.

But is that even possible?

For a human

to never disappoint?

Isn't that what life is all about?

Learning to love

in spite of human flaws?

Learning to trust

the people who have

the most power to hurt?

I don't know.

All I do know is that

I wanna love with all my heart.

And I don't want to be hurt.

That's it.

And I'm not gonna stop

until I have the answers.

I know THE answer

is

Jesus Christ.

But, I hope I can

invite His power

into my life.

Every time

I want to love.

Especially when I have been hurt.

I have been reading a book

entitled

Boundaries

by

Dr's Henry Could and John Townsend

I was amazed at this quote

and it's relevance

to what I had already written.

Emotional distance is a temporary boundary to give your heart the space it needs to be safe; it is never a permanent way of living. People who have been in abusive relationships need to find a safe place to begin to "thaw out" emotionally. Sometimes in abusive marriages the abused spouse needs to keep emotional distance until the absusive partner begins to face his or her problems and become trustworthy.

You should not continue to set yourself up for hurt and disappointment. If you have been in an abusive relationship, you should wait until it is safe and until real patterns of change have been demonstrated before you go back. Many people are too quick to trust someone in the name of forgiveness and not make sure that the other is producing "fruit in keeping with repentance" (Luke 3:8) To continue to open yourself up emotionally to an abusive or addicted person without seeing true change is foolish. Forgive, but guard your heart until you see sustained change.