Some people complained that I was mean to my husband by calling him anti-social two posts ago.
First, in my defense. I wasn't trying to be critical. I thought I was just stating the facts. He really is extremely introverted. He will be social and even enjoys being social with close friends and family, but even then I usually have to drag him to their parties. And Valerie Ader will attest to the fact. Since she is one of the only people who does invite us over from time to time.
I don't think it is a bad thing to understand ourselves and the people we love and to discuss things freely, and I apologize to those people who feel like I should be more private. LG is also learning to understand that being more open leads to healthier relationships.
Anyhow, after some feedback, it got me thinking of my goal to build the guy up instead of tear him down.
Yes, I fail at my goals often. And I do apologize when I do, privately and sometimes publicly. Aren't you all lucky?
So as part of my apology I would like to practice the old parenting adage that you should dish out 9 compliments for every reprimand.
Before the nine compliments though, let me make it clear that I wasn't trying to passively reprimand my husband for being anti-social. I love him just the way he is. I don't blame him for the fact that we don't have friends. In fact if the blame really lies with anyone it is with me way more than it is with him.
On with it, already.
So the nine things.
But one more distraction before the nine good things. In the spirit of full disclosure and honesty I would like to admit that my husband is far from perfect. I say that not to make him feel bad or to be critical but to make those of you out there that are mad at your husbands or dealing with a difficult marital relationship know that it's o.k. EVERYBODY on this planet has strengths and weaknesses and the beauty of marriage is that you learn to look past those things. If you are really blessed you can playfully banter about them (I read an article today describing George and Barbara Bush doing just that) And if you are really really lucky, you can watch a spouse as their weakness turns to a strength. Maybe LG will see improvement in me as he reads this nice post. That's my ulterior motive anyhow. Can you say brownie points? :)
By the way, honest is probably the one word I would pick to describe myself. The name Alice means honest - I am lamely honest. Almost like that girl in Ella Enchanted had to do what she was told...it's as if I was cursed as a child to state what I am thinking and only the truth at all times. But I am learning to turn weakness into strength. I started by not airing a single piece of LG's dirty laundry in that last paragraph; much to the relief of some of his other loved ones I am sure.
So , really, with no further ado...here are the nine things.
LG may be the only one who cares to keep reading. Oh, and LG's mom. And of course, you, John, because you want to see how capable you are as a marriage counselor.
1 The guy is smart. Really really smart.
2 He is extremely patient. (What a bonus for me)
3 He is one of the kindest individuals on the face of the planet. (When they say "oh, he would never hurt a fly", that is a lie, he would swat a fly to death, and also doesn't have too much respect for any animal he could shoot in the garden, but besides that, he wouldn't hurt a fly)
4 He is hilarious. (He promised me that he would make me laugh every day before we got married, and he has lived up to that promise except for the days that he has only made me cry, but either way he has turned my frowns upside down)
5 He is fair and ethical, not just because he is supposed to be but because he just is.
6 He is generous. (A few years back he didn't bat an eyelash when I told him to give up half his meager Christmas bonus for people who had a bigger TV than ours - and if anything has been the hardest for him in his new law practice, it has been learning to tell people that he can't work for free)
7 He is an amazing father. A - MAZ - ING in capital letters.
8 He is a prodigy in the field of electronic gadgets and random musical instruments.
9 The thing that I have loved the most about him lately is that he is willing to admit when he is wrong and he is trying very hard to change.
But it isn't wrong to be anti-social and therefore I wouldn't feel like saying that is being critical.
And while I am still in my own defense. There may be only a handful of people as righteous as Job throughout all world history.