Thursday, July 10, 2008

What is that?

Yesterday morning I was reading this crazy news story about a woman that had a bat hanging out under her bra.

She thought the weird vibrating sensation was being caused by a cell phone at first. Seriously. You have to be kidding me. Somebody makes these stories up. How could a woman put a bra on without knowing there was a bat in there?

I was then reminded of something that happened to me just about a month ago.

I had cleaned out my minivan so that I could haul some yard stuff in the back. This included removing the big and ancient middle bench all by myself. (My beloved Quest was engineered before the modern collapsing seats were invented) Removing the middle bench is quite the process and requires a lot of muscle and agility. Not to mention the ability to avoid the showering crumbs of long forgotten food particles and toys.

On my way to our local garden center, I started feeling something in my bra. More precisely in the cleavage. I thought that I may have another stray hair from my thick head of hair. (We've already established that I don't have hair on my chest.) I started to try and feel for it. (I know you women know what I am talking about) As I was driving, I grabbed at my shirt so that I could get a good look down there. Can you even imagine my mixture of surprise and disgust as I caught a vision of the big nasty red and black bug positioned just perfectly to be staring me right back in the face. And, I am not even going to mention the 4 inch long tentacles that almost caught me square in the eye, no joke. I almost swerved off the road.

I stopped the car to get a closer look. I roared in laughter as I realized that the bug (in the same family as the one shown above) was a party favor received by the girls. How relieved I was to retrieve something from my bra that was plastic and dead and completely still compared to what I was preparing myself to have to pry outta there.

Oh the life of a mother. You just can't make up stories as good as mine. Not unless, of course, you are the idiot that put your bra on before checking for a baby bat. Every woman knows to do that.
P.S. I just read this post about the same story from Say No To Crack. You have to read her reference to second base...funny.

12 comments:

Alice said...

LOL - Can you imagine if you'd gotten in an accident because of a fake bug? It would have happened to me. I've had bugs shoot down my cleavage while I'm mowing the yard and it gets comical pretty quickly.

missyjeanne said...

I would have crashed for sure, and probably been dead before I crashed cuz of the sight of the bug!!

maka said...

I am soo glad that you didn't crash, not only would you have crashed, but you would have never heard the end of that one :)

Katy Beth said...

Hey, at least you have enough to get something stuck! haha

Great, now I'm going to dream about finding bats in my clothes. You know how afraid I am of bats, or have you forgotten?Thanks, Alice. :P

Lindsey Diane Rose said...

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HE. That is so funny! You know how I would have reacted! I tell you what the plastic scorpion from the party has caught my eye more that once, they do look sort of real right?
And one more thing, this would never happen to me because it would have just fallen straight through, no cleavage to catch it!

Sheila said...

You are SO right... only real life can provide these kind of stories.
Who knew that a plastic bug could look so real?
ToOdLeS,ShEiLA

Yvonne said...

I think I would have swerved and gone off the road--fake bug or not!!! (But then again I don't have to worry--see there is a blessing to NO CLEAVAGE ; )

a wynn wynn situation said...

Eww- I'm surprised you didn't swerve off the road- you've got skills girl!
And the bat thing is unnerving- who doesn't notice the black fuzzy thing in their bra? My eyesight isn't great and I'm sporting a D cup that provides some hiding room but there's just no way I could miss that. Someone needs to help that woman dress...

Heather said...

My s-in-law had a real scorpion go down her shirt while she was driving with her kids. It bit her, she managed to pull over, gets out screaming and crying, and rips off her shirt as a bunch of construction workers come over to help . . . Very embarrassing.

Klin said...

Wow. The most I've ever found is a stray sock or the dryer sheet.

I think I might of wrecked, too.

Wendy said...

That is so funny. I can imagine that.

The P*dunc's said...

AAAKKKK! That would freak me out! Kudos on the driving skills! Not suprosed though, I've seen the pictures and video that you've taken while driving.

Dallin had a cicada land on his neck a while back and now he freaks out whenever any bug of any kind is around!