Are ya' a Yankee?

My parents always taught us to try and understand and love all people. This makes it a little easier to fit in where ever I go. I believe that my California born and raised parents did an amazing job of preparing me to survive in the South.

I got a good sense of their amazing child rearing skills this Sunday. I have had almost no prouder moment than when Phyllis, my lovely favorite lady, who is black, was introduced to my brother before Sacrament Meeting. She said, "Oh, boy, I just love your sister, she is like my twin!" I didn't think that was possible! All three of us got a good chuckle thinking of the literal fact instead of the intended meaning.

My brother who was visiting from Utah chose to sit down next to Phyllis, who is black. I later chuckled to myself as I heard David lean over to Phyllis during the Sunday School lesson and exclaim, "Ain't that the truth?" Phyllis then replied with, "Amen Brother".

Just read these you oughta know facts if you plan to move to the South and thought I would share:

The North has coffee houses, The South has Waffle Houses.
The North has dating services, The South has family reunions.
The North has switchblade knives, The South has Lee Press-on Nails.
The North has double last names, The South has double first names.
The North has Ted Kennedy, The South has Jesse Helms.
The North has Indy car races, The South has stock car races.
The North has Cream of Wheat, The South has grits.
The North has green salads, The South has collard greens.
The North has lobsters, The South has crawdads.
The North has the rust belt, The South has the Bible Belt.

Remember, “y’all” is singular, “all y’all” is plural, and “all y’all’s is plural possessive.

Get used to hearing “You ain’t from round here, are ya?”

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, “Hey, y’all, watch this,” you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he’ll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store. It doesn’t matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

If you do settle in the South and bear children, don’t think they will be accepted as Southerners.
After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn’t call ‘em biscuits.

And you may as well reckon that your life will turn into a country music song ‘fore you know it.