Better than a Church Sign.

I think:

"Goodie, I

have

successfully

brainwashed

my

children."

And then I remember that it's true.

I choose you

I choose you.

Every day.

I choose you.

No matter how poor.

I choose you.

As I always have.

I choose you.

No matter how broken.

I choose you.

As I always will.

I choose you.

No matter how hard.

I choose you.

I have to.

I choose you.

No matter how wrong.

I choose you.

I must.

I choose you.

No matter how long,

I have to wait for your success,

or your happiness, or your comfort, or your perfection.

I choose you.

And because I do,

nothing else matters.

When I choose you,

I am a success.

I am happy.

I am at peace.

And I am perfectly whole.

Mr. Obama

Abigail was telling me yesterday that she had written a letter for The President. She is preparing for a trip to Washington D.C. soon.

Sophia questioned, "Did you write Dear Mr. Obama", and for some reason that struck my funny bone.

I think Abigail may just be writing these letters for some blog attention. I don't want to disappoint her.

Dear Mr. President,

I would love it if you made everything cheaper. I know you can't but could you check with the Legislative Branch, please?

You may be wondering why I am asking. Well, my family is in the red zone. We have 4 kids, two pets, and two parents. All but my dad are girls (even the two pets), so, you know how that is with all the drama, clothes, and make-up. Again, thank you for reading this.

Sincerely,

Abigail Gold

P.S. Please reply

Noteworthy

* just a note: this is the picture I decided to use as part of this post, it has no affiliation to Adrian Burnett, except for the fact that all the staff live the Golden rule. I don't want to get any non-believers out there up in arms.

If you live in Knoxville, Adrian Burnett Elementary is the place to educate your children.

I cannot praise the staff enough.

They help me to raise my children.

They mentor my children in one way that means the world to me:

positivity.

Every year I get choked up. Every dang year! "Why", you ask? Those darn awards days. Yes, you wouldn't be surprised by me crying at the pride I have in my children. They fair well, but I am always proud of my children. It's something even greater than them.

It's this time of the year that I get to be proud of people besides my children. I am so proud of the teachers at Adrian Burnett. They believe in their kids, no matter how hard the year may or may not have been. The last week of school, you will find EVERY child leaving the school with a ribbon in hand and a message that will remain in the hearts of the children who attended this wonderful school, full of wonderful teachers, administrators, and support staff. The teachers find something to congratulate every child for whether it be "most improved reader" or "the nicest friend in the class". In fact sometimes, I leave, wishing that my kids would take one of these special awards home over the many others that they always get. What better message can a child earn than:

"I am good at something" and "Somebody noticed".

My love and admiration goes to them all. And my thanks goes to God because he has made it possible for my children to have such a wonderful opportunity to be educated in ALL the things of this world. Every day, they see by almost perfect example the power of kindness and service.

Addicted to Love

"You might as well face it, you're addicted to love." The lyrics and music to the song keep ringing through my ears like a perched crow taunting the starving cat who waits and hopes. The cat forgets that he has a full bowl back at home. He also forgets that he really doesn't like crow, but it's his instinct to hunt and so the song goes on.

Just two months ago, I reached my breaking point in therapy. What was my final lesson? I'm addicted to love.

I haven't quite figured out the real reason why I am addicted to love, but I get the concept and that is all that really matters.

As I learned in The Five Love Languages, we all have a love tank. Much like the water coolers shown here. Throughout our days, months, and years people fill our love coolers. Sometimes they fill them with Kool-Aid, or water, or maybe sometimes they attempt tea, even though you don't drink tea. Many people have learned to fill their own water cooler and some people are so good at it, it's as if their water cooler is located directly beneath a broken spigot.

Well, my spout has a leak. No matter what people fill me with, it has never been enough. In technical terms, I am a codependent. "Hi my name is Alice, and I am addicted to love." This is a hard lesson to learn about oneself. Nobody wants to be broken. And more than anything I never wanted to be needy.

But, codependence is sneaky. While one is so busy keeping up the facade that they are strong and courageous, on the inside, their mind and emotional well-being is subconsciously in warfare. A co-dependent IS the person who takes care of everybody else. They won't admit it, but their drive in caring for others is to somehow to gain approval and love. A co-dependent needs to be needed. Being needed somehow makes them relevant. As a lifelong codependent I have a really hard time even identifying my feelings at times because I have trained my mind to believe something that isn't true. I have trained myself to think I am strong when really I am just this little wounded girl who needs extra attention. Well, guess what? It's fine time I grew up. I don't need extra attention and I also don't need to be strong for everyone else.

The problem is that co-dependents don't know it but they drain the people close to them. The people close to them get sick and tired of trying to meet a need that can't be filled and they turn away. If the co-dependents loved one is not healthy or strong enough lots of times they will turn to an addiction. If you know an addict, trust me, you will soon come to know the co-dependents that surround them. Every addict needs an enabler. I can't say that I blame them. I understand because my mother is also a co-dependent. In fact, I think my dad might be too. It is exhausting to try and give someone something that they really can only give them self.

The blogosphere is a great place for co-dependents. If you are addicted to your comments, you may want to ask yourself why.

So, every day of my life is now spent in trying to fight this insatiable need. I try to combat it in many ways. One, I try to love myself. Another thing that I have found essential is always self-talking. I use the phrase, "You don't need to be loved". I also catch myself doing silly things every day and I try to stop them.

I can NOT volunteer for a millionth thing this week. I can not fish for that compliment. I can be content NOT knowing every last detail about my spouse. I can laugh if they are talking bad about me. I can quit trying to be perfect. I can quit trying to make my husband and children perfect. I can admit that I have needs. I can try to make my needs healthy. I can quit clinging to people. In jest, I can let go.

I know I've got you thinking. I am happy to have this newfound knowledge about myself because I am happier then I have ever been. It's o.k. that I'm addicted to love, as long as I am in recovery.

Let love go and if it doesn't come back to you, it was never yours in the first place. If it does come back, hold on to it forever.

I AM BECAUSE

I want to start a revolution.

I want I AM_______BECAUSE_____ to become commonplace.

Forget "hello" or "how are you doing" or "I am fine".

I want friends and family to start using I AM __________ BECAUSE _________ in our everyday interactions. Especially the people at my house.

Why? Because I need to know how people feel without reading their minds. I need for the people around me to identify their feelings because I love them and I want them to be happy. And we can't turn our frowns upside down if we don't acknowledge that we are walking around with a frown in the first place. We also can't rejoice together if nobody ever communicates their triumphs or happiness.

So, I will go first. And then you can try. My goal is to have slightly more positive things to say than negative. Because I am a realist and I am not ready to completely ignore the negative quite yet.

I AM proud of this "I am" idea BECAUSE it is simple and I think in all it's simplicity, it could make a profound impact on the amount of therapy my family needs.

I AM Alice Gold BECAUSE I married LeGrand Gold and I couldn't wait to take his name.

I AM not going to be buying any Arbonne from Sarah BECAUSE I cannot afford it.

I AM somewhat frustrated today BECAUSE no matter how much things change, so many things stay the same, especially the ones I want changed.

I AM grateful for my friends BECAUSE they put up with my tendency to overshare, but I stand by my philosophy that it is better to overshare than undershare.

I AM worried BECAUSE my 5th grader is going to middle school next year and those kids at orientation today were looking kind of scary.

I AM hoping for a break from my baby BECAUSE I am over it today.

I AM mostly happy BECAUSE I am trying really hard to look for the positive.

I AM ignoring life with this blog post BECAUSE I am trying to avoid the things that make me feel crazy, depressed, or unloved.

Better Than Awesomeness

I am not sure which one of the girls came up with the word.

I am not even totally certain if I know what it means.

But I think this picture captures it.

Awesomility.

You know.

It's when you know you're awesome, but you are humble about it.

So, you hide from the paparazzi.

Feel free to use it in every day conversation.

We haven't copyrighted it.

Girls!

We are on the cusp of adolescence at our house. Joy. Poor LeGrand. He has been dealing with notes like this for years. Maybe it is time for his wife to grow up.

It was a rough day at our house yesterday. This is the note that I went to bed to find. Do you think that Abigail is sassy enough to be a teenager soon? Or maybe I need a parenting class?

Dear Mom,

I really need you to know this but you'll yell at me if I tell it to you directly. You see, it feels like your giving less and less attention to me and the only way to get attention from you is to be a brat.

Also, If you could be less angry that would be great.

Also, I'm getting older, I can take more responsibilities, not like clean the whole family room responsibility, like babysitting, taking care of the baby, making dinner, stuff like that.

Also, I don't know how, but somehow you can't get it through your thick skull that we work better when it's fun, to make it fun, you put on music, make it a game, stuff like that. I'd really appreciate the changes.

Sincerely,

Abigail

I am not sure if I should be proud that I have showed her how to express her feelings so well. Be astounded that she captured the first chapter of The Five Love Languages so insightfully, which teaches that people act badly to get attention. Maybe I could just be amused at the brattiness of "the thick skull". Either way. I know I've got to work on my yelling more. And just so ya'll don't think that I am totally heartless, I will be having a chat with her.

Oh, it's notes like these that make me so excited for my daughters to have children of their own. I am going to photo copy this and cross out her name and write in the name of her child at the bottom and mail it to her someday. I can't wait.

I was considering writing her a note back and leaving it on her pillow tonight.

It would go something like this:

Dear Abigail,

I really need you to know this but you'll yell at me if I tell it to you directly. You see, it feels like your giving less and less attention to me and the only way to get attention from you is to be a brat.

Also, If you could be less angry that would be great.

Also, you're getting older, you can take on more responsibilities, like cleaning the whole family room, AND babysitting, taking care of the baby, making dinner,and a lot of other stuff like that.

Also, I don't know how, but somehow you can't get it through your thick skull that I work better when it's fun, to make it fun, you put on music, make it a game, stuff like that. I'd really appreciate the changes.

Sincerely,

Mom

P.S. I love you and your sassiness and I think you are going to write a great college entrance exam someday and I am WAYYY looking forward to it.

God vs. Science

It had to be something good to pull me out of my blogging slum. It was an e-mail forward. I don't know if it is accurate or true. I didn't snopes it. I didn't google Albert Einstein. I just know that God exists and I wanted to share some good scientific arguments in support of my argument.

I hope my children know this one thing about me. I know God lives and watches over us. I know that our lives are linked to His and that He wants us to return home to Him like any loving father would. So many people in this world act to the contrary and I wish that they could understand their Father like I do because they would never want to disappoint Him or tread on His commandments or treat His other children badly. They would pray to Him like speaking to Him was their lifeline. They would overcome their weaknesses instead of succumbing to Satan's lulling influence because they would understand that this life is a time to prepare to meet God.

I saw a church sign the other day. I didn't have my camera. It said, "Look around. God sent you flowers." Yes, everyone, faith changes everything.

Who needs Einstein when you have children to tell you what you need to know?
I can't post without a photo, but in the past 6 months, I have gone from my PC, to my laptop, now to LG's backup work laptop which has just three photos to choose from.


GOD VS. SCIENCE:
'Let me explain the problem science has with religion..'
The atheist professor of philosophy pauses before his class and then asks one of his new students to stand.


'You're a Christian, aren't you, son?'


'Yes sir,' the student says.


'So you believe in God?'


'Absolutely. '


'Is God good?'
'Sure! God's good.'


'Is God all-powerful? Can God do anything?'


'Yes'


'Are you good or evil?'


'The Bible says I'm evil.'


The professor grins knowingly. 'Aha! The Bible! He considers for a moment. 'Here's one for you. Let's say there's a sick person over here and you can cure him. You can do it. Would you help him? Would you try?'


'Yes sir, I would.'


'So you're good...!'


'I wouldn't say that.'


'But why not say that? You'd help a sick and maimed person if you could. Most of us would if we could. But God doesn't.'


The student does not answer, so the professor continues. 'He doesn't, does he? My brother was a Christian who died of cancer, even though he prayed to Jesus to heal him. How is this Jesus good? Can you answer that one?'


The student remains silent. 'No, you can't, can you?' the professor says. He takes a sip of water from a glass on his desk to give the student time to relax. 'Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?'


'Er..yes,' the student says.


'Is Satan good?'


The student doesn't hesitate on this one. 'No.'


'Then where does Satan come from?'

The student falters. 'From God'


'That's right. God made Satan, didn't he? Tell me, son. Is there evil in this world?'


'Yes, sir..'


'Evil's everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything, correct?'


'Yes'


'So who created evil?' The professor continued, 'If God created everything, then God created evil, since evil exists, and according to the principle that our works define who we are, then God is evil.'


Again, the student has no answer. 'Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things, do they exist in this world?'


The student squirms on his feet. 'Yes.'


'So who created them?'


The student does not answer again, so the professor repeats his question. 'Who created them?' There is still no answer. Suddenly the lecturer breaks away to pace in front of the classroom. The class is mesmerized. 'Tell me,' he continues onto another student. 'Do you believe in Jesus Christ, son?'



The student's voice betrays him and cracks. 'Yes, professor, I do.'


The old man stops pacing. 'Science says you have five senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Have you ever seen Jesus?'


'No sir. I've never seen Him.'


'Then tell us if you've ever heard your Jesus?'


'No, sir, I have not..'


'Have you ever felt your Jesus, tasted your Jesus or smelt your Jesus? Have you ever had any sensory perception of Jesus Christ, or God for that matter?'


'No, sir, I'm afraid I haven't.'


'Yet you still believe in him?'


'Yes'
'According to the rules of empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your God doesn't exist... What do you say to that, son?'


'Nothing,' the student replies.. 'I only have my faith.'


'Yes, faith,' the professor repeats. 'And that is the problem science has with God. There is no evidence, only faith.'


The student stands quietly for a moment, before asking a question of His own. 'Professor, is there such thing as heat? '


' Yes.


'And is there such a thing as cold?'

'Yes, son, there's cold too.'

'No sir, there isn't.'


The professor turns to face the student, obviously interested. The room suddenly become s very quiet. The student begins to explain. 'You can have lots of heat, even more heat, super-heat, mega-heat, unlimited heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat, but we don't have anything called 'cold'. We can hit down to 458 degrees below zero, which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold; otherwise we would be able to go colder than the lowest -458 degrees. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-458 F) is the total absence of heat. You see, sir, cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat we can measure in thermal units because heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.'


Silence across the room. A pen drops somewhere in the classroom, sounding like a hammer.


'What about darkness, professor. Is there such a thing as darkness?'


'Yes,' the professor replies without hesitation.. 'What is night if it isn't darkness?'


'You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is not something; it is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light, but if you have no light constantly you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? That's the meaning we use to define the word. In reality, darkness isn't. If it were, you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?'


The professor begins to smile at the student in front of him. This will be a good semester. 'So what point are you making, young man?'


'Yes, professor. My point is, your philosophical premise is flawed to start with, and so your conclusion must also be flawed.'


The professor's face cannot hide his surprise this time. 'Flawed? Can you explain how?'


'You are working on the premise of duality,' the student explains.. 'You argue that there is life and then there's death; a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought.' 'It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life, just the absen ce of it.' 'Now tell me, professor.. Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?'


'If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, young man, yes, of course I do.'


'Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?'


The professor begins to shake his head, still smiling, as he realizes where the argument is going. A very good semester, indeed.


'Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you now not a scientist, but a preacher?'


The class is in uproar. The student remains silent until the commotion has subsided. 'To continue the point you were making earlier to the other student, let me give you an example of what I mean.' The student looks around the room. 'Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the professor's brain?' The class breaks out into laughter. 'Is there anyone here who has ever heard the professor's brain, felt the professor's brain, touched or smelt the professor's brain? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain, with all due respect, sir.' 'So if science says you have no brain, how can we trust your lectures, sir?'


Now the room is silent. The professor just stares at the student, his face unreadable. Finally, after what seems an eternity, the old man answers. 'I Guess you'll have to take them on faith.'


'Now, you accept that there is faith, and, in fact, faith exists with life,' the student continues. 'Now, sir, is there such a thing as evil?' Now uncertain, the professor responds, 'Of course, there is. We see it Everyday. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in The multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil.'


To this the student replied, 'Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light.'

The professor sat down.

PS: the student was Albert Einstein
Albert Einstein wrote a book titled God vs. Science in 1921...