"Caroline"

Caroline wants to share a picture of herself.

"Make it bigger mom."

"Perfect."

How old are you Caroline?

"4" (she's three)

What's your favorite color?

"pink"

Who's your favorite person?

"I just love you and dad."

(now she is climbing the treadmill singing

what doesn't kills you makes you stronger)

"Look mom, this ball of playdoh is dry.

We can't play with it any more."

(chucks it at the monitor)

Luckily she missed because it's harder than a rock.

What else do you want to say?

"I want to say 'no' mom."

No about what?

"No, about nothing."

"Do you wanna see how you do jumping?"

(She has taken off a piece of the printer

and is catapulting the hard piece of playdoh.)

Have I mentioned this girl

never EVER runs out of energy.

What's your favorite song?

"I don't know.

I really want to get back in your lap,

I'm getting so tired."

(I made her get down shortly before the climb

of the treadmill. She can't keep her hands off the keyboard.)

"Mommy, I want to see more pictures."

"Do you want to match this with dad?"

 What do you mean?

She points at the text on the monitor.

"Right here, do you want to match this with dad."

What do you want for your birthday?

"A stone -ger."

What's that?

"It means you freeze and play tag."

(grabs the mouse and clicks on something

that luckily just opens some random window

and doesn't erase this whole post.)

Caroline.

You are going to ruin the typing.

"I wanna go away from the computer."

The end.

Oh, the point of the post.

To tell you

Caroline really really really

loves her bigwheel

that I made LG buy her for her

3rd birthday.

It was nostalgic for me

and it has been more than fun

watching her tear through 

our neighborhood, the park,

the soccer field,

and anywhere else we let her

tag it along.

Even though I run 

approximately 15 miles a week

I can't even keep up with her

when she's on that little bike.

We are in trouble

with this one.

She didn't come with a manual.

Fat

Fat is a nasty word.
The only time it should be used is in regards to the stuff on the backside of a butchered pig.
Fatback is the only time when fat is a good thing.
And what a good thing it is.
Just ask the green beans.

I've been called fat. A lot. It sucks.
After watching this video on facebook yesterday, I was perplexed.


I offered the following on my page as a passive aggressive response to a few people I know who judge "fat people."

"I hate it when physically in-shape people look down upon those who aren't. I hate to tell you this, but you're not superior, especially in regards to the things that matter most: kindness and appreciation for others wherever they are in life is a learned art and maybe you should get off the treadmill long enough to take some lessons. I don't experience as much prejudice in this department as I used to, but it sure makes my blood boil whenever I encounter it."

The funniest thing about my above rant is that I got all kinds of people, my friends mind you, apologizing to me for the way that I had been treated. Why did they apologize? Because they think I am fat and that I have reason to be apologized to. Kind of ironic, huh? I never mentioned that I had been treated badly, did I? In fact, I hadn't had any teasing at all, I only posted the comment in defense of others and in opposition to the people out there looking down on this lady. I've actually been feeling pretty good about the way I am looking until yesterday. HA.

Well as you, who read my blog, know I'm on a journey of self-discovery. I've learned to love myself and I am still learning to take care of myself. I all too well know the life of this anchor. I know what it is like to be raising 3 young daughters (and she has a full-time job to boot) and to feel the stress and eat too much and exercise too little. I also know what it's like to get off my butt and count calories. I also know what it's like to have a propensity to being larger as a child and as an adult.

I also know what it's like to lose a nephew and to know that in his last week on this earth he was called fat by some mean little girls and that the word F A T may have been racing through his mind in his last breathe. It breaks my heart. Absolutely makes me shed tears. Right now in fact.

Yes, people are fat, but trust me, they know it. You pointing it out to them, or looking down on them, or even apologizing for others' fat name callers to someone who has recently lost 35 pounds doesn't really help the situation and it doesn't really motivate people to be better.

Do you know what motivates people to be better? Loving them wherever they are. Loving them right where they are. Even if it's at 700 pounds. Anyone who has watched Richard Simmons should know this fact.


Do you know why loving them helps? Because the reason they are fat is that they don't love themselves enough. Period. Or maybe they have a health condition? Or maybe they are just a husky kid that could eventually be a college football star if they live long enough to pursue that goal? The point being: You don't know what they are capable of, if all you see is F A T. And you will also never know the beauty of loving people in their weakness if you can't see past it. You don't even know what scars are under the fat.

If you can love F A T people then maybe they can learn to love themselves. And if you can love them F A T, maybe they will love you in your weakness.

See how that works? Well, yeah, you do kind of have to admit your own weakness first. Maybe you could start with judging,  lack of charity, or complete and total PRIDE?

How to run.

I've had several friends ask me to clue them in on the "how" of my transformation from coach potato to runner. This post is for them and anyone else who can use it.

How to run.

1. Put on a good bra. (This may be important for some of the men out there too)
2. Put on appropriate attire.
(I prefer to be as covered as possible while still being comfortable and appreciate that in other runners, but if you are the kind of person who needs to flaunt it for some type of external motivation, more power to you, but you probably need therapy. How about you therapy folks just do what I did, start running in November in Utah. Then we can all be happy.)
3. Wear good socks.
4. Lace up your shoes.
5. Go outside.
6. Walk for a little while. (Like a couple blocks or a couple of weeks or a couple of months)
7. Realize your body can do more than walk.
8. Start walking faster.
9. Get sick of the burn in your butt and thighs from speed walking, and pick up the pace just a bit more.
10. Appreciate the fact that you are now jogging.
11. Jog until you get tired, which in the beginning may be a block or a half-block or a half of a half-block.
12. Slow to a walk, and take some time to rest your heart. Then make yourself jog some more.Do this until your allotted exercise time is up. Make sure it is at least for a half an hour, but an hour makes it more fun. Quit for the day. Walk back home. (If you are smart you would have turned back toward home halfway into your allotted time)
13. Memorize the spots where you started to jog and the spots that you just had to stop.
14. Two days later, walk to the same spot in #11, and when you get there, see if you can jog a little farther this time. (Yes, when you are a runner, you get a day in between runs to rest!)
15. Repeat #8-14, for as long as it takes.
16. Sign up for a 5k.
17. One day decide that you aren't going to stop jogging until you hit the 3.2 mile mark.
18. Congratulate yourself because you are now more than a jogger. You are a real runner.
19. Repeat #16-18, as you will want need a faster time and there's no better motivator than a race.
20. Somewhere along the way, you will find that 3.2 is just not long enough, and you will keep running past the 3.2 mark, you will change your running routes to work in hills, you will have used up 3 pairs of shoes, you will run at different times of the day, you will be working your running into your schedule like it's your 5th child, you will love every second of solace, you will enjoy every time you feel winded and just have to spit or get a drink, you will love the hills, you will love the down-hills, you will watch your shadow day after day, you will be cranky if you haven't had a run in over 2 days, you will run with friends (maybe only at races), you will stay after the races just to hang out with other runners even though you never win a prize, you will find yourself to be one of those obnoxious ladies at the baby shower who is suddenly surrounded by other runners comparing speed work techniques and running times and injury management, you will exceed your race goal and wonder if you are ready for the half yet, you will wonder why in the world you didn't start sooner, and most of all you will be hooked for life.

To this I solemnly swear.
Amen.

Just do it.
Running is cheap and takes little coordination.
All that is required is mind over matter.
I wouldn't call it easy, but if it was easy then it wouldn't be so awesome.
It does get easier the more you do it.
I'm not going to lie, it also gets harder, but that is the miracle of it, the harder it becomes, the better equipped you are to handle it, which means you are STRONGER!

Watching My Shadow

When the sun is just right and I happen to be running in the right direction, I get some really good self reflection time. You see, when I run, I am often looking at the ground. I do this because I am still getting in optimum shape and I have a running form that is too tired and downtrodden. I also do this because I am watching for safety hazards like raodkill, left-behind tires, or just the occasional pothole or change in ground level. (The trauma of staring a deer smack in the face while quickly jumping over her is one that will not be ever forgotten. That day that my typical "downward watch" was off and my "watch out for cars that are trying to run you over" position was on left my pulse racing.) I also look down because every time I see a coin I feel lucky, and once while running I found a mangled wedding band that I turned in for money to buy new running shoes. I don't always look down as there is so much to take in in all directions but looking at the ground is a necessary part of running.

O.k. I've got the looking down part covered. Didn't want to leave you with any questions.Well, when I am looking down and the sun and my direction are optimal I get the best runners' treat of all: my shadow. For the past 10 months, I've been watching my shadow. I watch it run. It has shrunk by 40 pounds, which in shadow world isn't much, but to me is ginormous. I watch my knees lifting and dropping and my arms swing front and back.  I watch the hairs of my head fly in the wind and the sleeves of my shirt flap.I watch the shapes in all their glory. Often I grieve over the backside, but more often I revel in all my glory. I shake my head in disbelief and then quickly remind my shadow with a nod that I am a runner. Backside and all.

It does something to you, to tell yourself that you are a runner.When you watch your shadow month after month and mile after mile, it changes you. It changes your very nature. When I wasn't a runner I was much less likely to look for rigorous outdoor activities, now, I seek them out. "C'mon guys, let's go on a hike!, how 'bout a bikeride?, we could walk down to the library just for fun, it's just a mile." As a runner, I can be more honest with myself. I can be in a place of serenity knowing that I have improved, no matter how much farther I have to go. Most of all, as a runner, I feel strong. I feel worthy. I feel reflective. I feel loved by the person who matters most: me. I feel like I can handle any obstacle, no matter how senseless, even if it's an unexpected dead deer. "What? A dead deer! Oh, no problem, I'll just hop right over", all in a second's thought process. It's like I'm a female Bourne and it feels omnipotent.

I am sure there are other ways to feel this good, but running is my way. Running and writing. Watching my monitor with my fingers flying over the keyboard underneath is a similar sensation. I think I like my running shadow the most, it speaks to me, and tells me I am a living miracle for the sole purpose that I have a body and I use it to move. And when I am moving, I love myself. When I am moving, I strengthen my body, and utilize my mind at its fullest to conquer all life's challenges, even if as simple as how am I going to afford my next pair of shoes. Once in a blue moon it all comes together, my physical, mental, and spiritual world collide and God puts a banged up wedding band in my path and my shadow says, "Awesome!"

Coming soon - how I started running - just for Dorry.

40 pounds

Our landlord came over today.

We've never met in person before.

The only place she has ever seen me

is on my blog.

Coincidentally, my blog is how she

decided to rent to us last April.

She walked in the house

and said,

"Wow, you look so different than I expected.

You look so different than your blog."

I said,

"I've lost forty pounds since that blog photo."

Then she said she could really tell

and that I should update my photo.

I decided to do a little experiment and take a photo to compare.

I do believe there is a difference.

A toddler size difference.

The side by side was validation

for all that running

and calorie counting.

I so wish I could have a baby without gaining

that forty pounds back.

But, I am grateful for the knowledge 

that my parents raised me to have.

Family is what matters most.

And guess what?

I have a family that loves me

no matter what size I am.

And I have four wonderful children

who are extremely grateful to me

for not placing my appearance

at such a high priority that

they were completely erased

from this world.

I know of many women

who determine their self-worth

by size.

I want you all to know

that I was just as important 

to my God, my husband, and my children

in that before picture.

And I will keep that picture on my blog,

even though I can now change it out for a skinnier version

because I love me

and I love that those old pounds represent

the time I spent with my children

and the months I gave to growing them inside of me

instead of obsessing at the gym

to please people in a world that

have screwed up priorities.

Yes, I feel a million times better

now that I exercise regularly

and eat healthier.

And yes there are women

out there who look great

and can have babies and go back to 

pre-baby size the day after birth.

Yes, there are women who

are healthy and not unhealthily obsessed with their weight.

Yes, yes, yes.

But me, I am probably going to gain my

forty pounds back

and I will probably gain more back after

the next baby is born

because having a newborn is stressful to me

and I get so tired

and choose to take care of my kids

over myself.

I may do better this time

as I have made great progress in 

the taking care of me category.

Or I may not.

But in the end,

I will have made the choice that matters most.

And that makes me happy

with the before and after pictures.

I look to you

I love this song. It's an old Whitney Houston number
and was recently redone on Glee.
After hearing it on my i-pod yesterday,
I've been searching it out on youtube.
I want to send it to my brother
who recently lost his son Braxton.
(I can't type that last sentence
without my eyes welling up in tears)

I've been through some hard things in my life.
I've been diagnosed with a mental illness,
I've lived through serious poverty,
I've come within a hair from losing my marriage,
I've experienced cruel prejudices,
I've struggled with my weight,
and I've lost people I've loved.

But right now nothing hurts more than Braxton.
Even though I didn't spend as much time
with him as I would have preferred
(due to living in poverty half a world away
in Tennessee for a decade)
I loved that kid.
He was a complex mixture of the best of his mom and dad.
He was so compassionate (mom) and determined (dad).
He was so funny (dad) yet smart (mom).
Ha ha. O.k. he could have gotten both of those from both of his parents.
He had an infectious smile (mom and dad).
He was the life of the party (his aunt ali) :)
He was and is such a good kid.
The kind of kid that anyone would be proud to call their own.

We all love and miss him so,
and are left with such a huge hole in our hearts,
as we try to make sense of his passing.

I worry for my brother and his family every day,
and I simultaneously try to soothe my own pain.
Every day I send my brother a little message on facebook
to uplift, inspire, strengthen, and happy-make.
It's been amazing to me how much that little act has been the best balm for me.
Sometimes I end up searching online for hours for just the right thing,
but for those hours I am finding little gems to my own soul.

Like this song.
Wow.
What a great reminder to where we need to look.
In all our troubles.
I can honestly say that God is the only way I've survived.
And I proudly say that I have done more than survive.
I have flourished under his tutelage.

I love this singer's journey to her own health.
It really does boil down to the fact
"I can do all things through God whom strengtheneth me."
I know that if my brother and his family know anything,
it is to look to God for their strength.
They do such an amazing job at it.
I'm so grateful they have their God.
And I am so grateful that they are my constant reminder
to look to Him too.

Dear people

I know I am a blog slacker.

I've been blogging for food.

Literally.

I started working as a social media guru

for a local business.

Not sure if they want me to tell the world

over the internet

that I am their go-to gal,

but they give me free freezer meals.

It's awesome.

Steak, shrimp, gourmet stuff

in exchange for my internet savvy.

Totally awesome.

Anyhow, I am sorry my bloggy friends.

I love you

and 

I miss you.

I just dug into my drafts 

to try and find something

to give you.

Throw you a bone,

so you won't completely give up on me.

Here's a goodie from Sophia.

My kids are serious about their soda.

When they buy it with their own money

they don't want people backwashing in it.

I love my kids more than ever.

I love my husband more than ever.

They make me laugh,

and I am sad that I am not sharing that on here as much.

Because I will forget it

if I don't write it.

I won't forget that I love them

but I will forget the ways that they make me laugh.

I just want to let you all know that

if you improve in one area of your life

 you are bound to revert in others.

I have been doing really good at running.

I've lost about 30 pounds since November.

I have been doing really good with working.

(I have two part-time jobs)

I have been doing pretty good in the marriage department.

I have even been a half-way decent mom.

I potty trained Caroline.

I have bought myself some things,

grown out my hair, 

and told myself how much I love myself

every day.

And I am even starting to believe me.

I have accomplished some of my new year's resolutions:

camping extravaganza, 

attend temple monthly, 

waking up with LG,

staying under budget,

but I have slacked in others:

read 54 books 

(I am way behind,

and really hopeful that 

I can crank them out this summer by the pool)

I have really been slacking with my spirituality.

My prayers and scripture study have not been where I want them to be.

My service to others outside my family hasn't been enough.

My joy in church service hasn't been where I need it.

It's not that I am not doing these things at all,

it's just that as I have added in more of other things,

I haven't given it the same dedication

and I miss it.

One thing I learned in the South is to

GIVE MYSELF GRACE.

So I do.

But one of these days

I will be the whole package.

One of these days,

dear people.

But, really,

with giving myself grace,

I am doing magnificently.

Never been better.

Or happier.

Or healthier.

or pleased with myself.

Glory to God

for strengthening me

in all areas of my life,

just sometimes I have to choose which one.

If you want to read more

about how God strengthens us

go here.

So powerful.

and true.

Race#3

Color Me Rad was so much fun.

I don't know if I can officially count this as one of my four races this year

as there were so many people, color, and chaos that it was impossible to run with full speed.

They don't time the race and we had to stop at every color station so I have no idea what my time really was. We did it in about 40 minutes, but there is no way I am counting that.

I had so much fun running with my sister.
She's a fitness guru and she ran circles around me,

but we had so much fun.

I was also glad to be joined by LG's cousin Grant and his wife Catherine.

We had a great time.

Beware to future race runners.

They should really rename the race to

Become an Avatar Race.

 

 

Race #2

The whole family participated in a 5k together.

I would say it was our first, but LG did one last year with all the girls.

Caroline didn't join us this time.

We got a sitter.

It was a great time

and we appreciated the chance to have some family fun

while exercising AND helping raise money for the kids school.

Have I ever told you how much I love my man?

Thanks LG for supporting me in my crazy adventures.

It was a small race,

but Abigail was 14th overall.

If she would have passed one female

she would have won a top 3 prize.

Funny she doesn't really "run" persay,

but soccer really is a great sport for overall athleticism.

Next year Abigail's goal will be to beat Ms. Shepherd

who was 2 minutes faster than her.

I was happy with my time.

32:35.

That is almost a two minute improvement 

from my first race in January.

I'll take it!

Little Miss Sophia came in 6 places behind me.

At the beginning of the race she was sticking right with me,

I thought she would beat me,

but all my training brought me in 5 minutes ahead of her.

LG was the best dad and stayed with Bella the whole way.

At the end I ran back to them

and offered to carry Bella up the hill

but LG said "NO WAY ALICE -

She has to finish by herself."

What a smart dad.

This is what we all looked like at the finish.

Go Gold family.

Go here for official race results.

Loving my body.

I feel very uncomfortable being called inspiring when it comes to my body. My mind, my faith, my writing, even my family...they can be inspiring, but not my body.

Why is that? Because I have a horrible self image. I believe myself to be a fat girl. I have always been the biggest of my three sisters. I have been teased as a child, adolescent, and adult because of my weight.

So I got a message from a friend the other day. She has been following me on facebook. She knows I started running again and she wanted me to know that I am her hero and that I am inspiring. It makes me cringe to write those words in reference to my body, even though I have read her encouragement at least ten times.

She wants to know how to start. She is sick of being over-weight. I feel 176% unqualified to answer her. In fact, I don't really know what her answer is. I don't even have full confidence that I can keep helping myself in this regard. Every day is a battle for me. I truly believe I have a less severe form of food addiction and every day I am still battling it. I don't have all the answers for me yet, how in the world can I help someone else?

I have been on a self-discovery journey for a few years now. It started with just getting to know my past and my emotions and has advanced to making changes. My body is a place that I needed to change. I don't know if anyone can heal physically without first the emotional healing.

I can't even describe my whole journey. I am inadequate to express the process. So, I don't know what to tell you. I wish I had the magic words to motivate you. I wish I had the magic words to make Oreos less appealing also. That would help me out a lot.

However, I do have three tips.

Number one. Get real. What is really going on with you? Why do you loathe yourself? I promise you that inward there is some self hatred. That was what made the final decision for me to start exercising. I really made it a matter of prayer about how I could change. My answer wasn't anything I expected. My answer from God was a question. "Alice, why can't you love yourself like I love you?" When I started really pondering that question I felt empowered. The master of the Universe loves me. He loves me even when I don't love me. Shouldn't I love myself as well as he loves me? And isn't the way that I am treating the temple he gave me a huge indication of how poorly I am doing in the love department? If you really don't know how to do this for yourself, I highly recommend using the 12 steps in your own life. The LDS church puts out a great manual, and the steps can be used by anyone to apply the atonement in their life and make lasting changes. The fourth step is a really great tool at getting to know yourself. Years ago, I became acquainted with the 12 steps for my codependency, but I truly believe that the principles I have learned there have been greatly beneficial with my body image also.

Number two. Just start. One step at a time. After I had my spiritual awakening (which I am still in the middle of - still figuring out) I made a promise to myself that I would get started. I've done all the calorie counting many times in my life, so this time I wanted to focus more on getting strong. I decided to go back to where I was when I felt strongest. It was back when I was 17 and running every day. I decided that I would once again run...no matter how hard it was to get there. I set a goal. I could barely run a lap. I decided that in two months time I could at LEAST do a 5k, even if I had to walk it. I would try my hardest to run it, but I would walk it if I had to. No matter what, I was going to do it. And I did it. I ran the whole thing. It only took me two months to get in shape enough to run a 5k. I surprised myself. I was way stronger than I thought I was. In the process, I got to see the me that God loves. All along the only thing keeping me from doing it was myself.

Three. Get real again. Don't set yourself up for failure. Everyone says that a person should exercise first thing in the morning. I would always fail because I am NOT a morning person. Figure out how to make exercise doable for you. It has truly become a break for me. I like exercising in the afternoon. I decided my older kids could watch their baby sister after school two times a week for an hour. It's the least they could do for me when I do so much for them. (Again I had to love myself enough to believe this to really be true - all part of the journey) A lot of the time the baby is napping and it isn't a big deal. I only run three times a week. On Saturday my husband does baby duty. It has been working just fine for me for 6 months. 6 months. Wow, I didn't realize it had been that long. I kind of feel proud of myself. See! See, how I just wrote "kind of: ?Downplaying!  That is what I do when it comes to my body. So excuse me while I say, "I am damn proud of myself." I hope the Lord will forgive me for taking up the d word for a bit. It helps me get through to myself.

So I guess my answer is this. It's a journey. An old Latin saying is "know thyself." Knowing thyself is a journey that everyone should take. It's scary. It's actually totally debilitating for a lot of us, but it is so worth it. Because really, you are amazing. You are loved by the Supreme Creator, the Father of all. He wants you to love yourself like he loves you. The only way you can love yourself is to figure out how you don't love yourself and change. The change starts in your mind.

So, I like to sing to myself when I get unmotivated. You're gonna love me. Sometimes I just have to fake myself out. I have to tell myself that I am going to love me on the days that I know I don't. Here's your soundtrack. Get started. You won't regret it.




The best thing about being at the bottom is that it gives you more reason to be pleased with yourself. Other people are worried about getting to that 8 minute mile mark. I am fighting against nobody but the couch. If I get off the couch I win. When you have neglected yourself for so long, the only way to go is up and out. Every time you get on the treadmill you feel like a rockstar. It's totally awesome. I want that feeling for you. I have only lost 20 pounds. I mean I have lost 20 pounds!!! Amazing. See how that works. It's all in the mind.

Book Review - Lunch Wars

This was a paid review for BlogHer BookClub but the opinions expressed are my own.


Read to the bottom for a chance to win this book.


Lunch Wars: How to Start a School Food Revolution and Win the Battle for Our Children’s Health by Amy Kalafa

My rating: 3 of 5 stars


I went into the book LunchWars with a bad attitude. I was flogging myself for my stupidity in willingly volunteering to review a book on nutrition. It doesn't take a genius to figure out that nutrition is not at the high end of my priority list. I grudgingly slogged through the first two thirds of the book and then something inside me changed. It's not that I am on the same page as the self-proclaimed granola-head author Amy Kafala, but somewhere in the pages of the book I realized that I had been taught some important morsels of nutrition principles that I should be using with my own family. I don't want to go on all day and I also don't want to worry my hubby with the idea of going all-organic (would never do that to my grocery budget) but let's just say there are three things that I am going to try and do better: avoid corn syrup and lessen sugar intake, introduce even more whole grains, and try to incorporate more locally grown fruit and veggies.

Wolverine through and through

For you readers who aren't familiar
with Utah,
last week was The Holy War.
That means that the holier than thou team BYU
got spanked by the rebellious Utah Utes.

I have a few suggestions for the team's improvement,
inspired by photos of my kids and their cousins.

Quite possibly the funniest photo of all time.

Go here for a real good laugh.

If you liked this, please come back
and become my 139 or 140th facebook liker.
You can even do it with one click on the sidebar.

Pretty please with sugar on top.

There may or may not be a prize involved.

And never make the mistake of leaving your cup on when the photographer shows up.
Or if you do, please share the result with the rest of us so we can laugh at you like you're an idiot.

Scenes from the Utah trail

We were going to go on another
family bike ride for
Family Home Evening
last night
until we realized
it was a bad idea
because of Sophia's broken arm.

So, we had Abigail give a lesson instead
from True to the Faith.
She had to do it for Personal Progress.
Might as kill two birds with one stone.

She taught us all about
modesty and profanity.

Abigail was sure to look in my direction
on that second one.
Damn semantics.
I can't do it all.
And my pet sin is
an occasional swear word.
Didn't it work for
J. Golden Kimball?

And really
what is the difference between
saying DANG or DAMN?
Go ahead,
feel free to enlighten me
and judge me
and tell me how evil I am.
I am such a horrible mother.
As evidenced by dinner
being served at almost
8 p.m. last night.

Whatever you do,
make sure and tell your kids not to read
my blog.
I would hate to be a role model.
The thought of it makes me cringe.

Sorry for the tangent.
Back to the bike ride.
We love riding in Utah.
It's our family hobby.
And oh so much fun.

Check out the view
and tell me you don't want to join us.

Yep, those are two deer,

right up the road.

Abigail said

"Mom, look,

it's the kind of tree

that every kid draws."

Only  seen in Utah

and children's doodle books

in your part of the world.

P.S. Biking is a great cheap source of entertainment.
And, did I mention great exercise?

Camping at Nunn's Park

One really great cheap summer/fall activity is camping.

I think we pulled off this excursion

for the price of $15 for the site (group rate)

and $20 in groceries.

(It helps a lot to combine efforts with other families.

We didn't share our smores though.)

If you don't have the gear just borrow some.

I love living in the state of Utah

with all its camping abundance.

I LOVE CAMPING!

I can't wait until all of our kids get old enough

to start backpacking.

There is something so relaxing about

leaving the rush of the world

and entering God's country.

Nunn's Park is so close,

we took full advantage

when a bunch of our neighbors

planned a great excursion.

This is how we do camping in Utah.

Warning:

Picture overload.

My Body is A Temple

I had the most profound experience last week.
I was sitting at the temple waiting to witness a friend's wedding.
In rolled an elderly woman sitting in her wheelchair.
Her body had disintegrated.
All that was left was skin on bones.

The week before I had attended a funeral of a good friend.
He was normally a big jolly fellow, not fat, but tall and built.
Cancer had stole his life too soon,
and left his wife and three daughters weeping.
The final pictures of him were skinny.
The funeral weighed heavily on my mind this day,
as I was also simultaneously overjoyed for our dear friend
starting his life with his new wife.

I was contemplative,
and seeing this sweet little old lady,
effected me to the core.
My heart ached for her to be healthier.
I wished I could have seen her at her prime.
I wanted her to have a little meat on her bones,
so she could get up and walk without fear.

U T Lady of the Year

Even in Utah,
we love Pat Summit.

Let's just pretend that the UT stands for

The University of Tennesssee.

And let's also pretend 

that the car is orange,

that way Pat will know that we love her.

If anyone is going to beat

Alzheimer's,

why not the woman with the most wins

ever?

Girls can play football too.

On Sunday, my hubby, LG got up to give a talk.
He was as cute as usual; I love hearing him speak.
He never does it publicly unless he is assigned.
Following, our three girls, me,
and the ward's Young Women's choir,
he got a little choked up as he said that good women are a theme in his life.

After all, he is the dad of four beautiful daughters
and the husband of a pretty hard to handle wife.

He then told a funny story.
Hit the read more. You don't want to miss this one.
It's about the kid shown above. And football.

Charlie

The other day at church someone called out to their kid who was running down the hall.

"Charlie!"

Caroline looked all around.

She didn't see Charlie anywhere.

She starting questioning

"Where's Charlie?"

I didn't have the heart to tell her that he lives in Tennessee.

And we live in Utah.

And that there is now another kid named Charlie

who happens to be running down the hall.

But it's not her Charlie.

Wouldn't you know it?

You can never have everything.

In Tennessee, Caroline loved Charlie, but hated nursery.

Now, she loves nursery.

And she still loves Charlie.

But he isn't here.

And that is pretty identical to what her mom is going through.

I love so many things about Utah.

But I still love so many things about Tennessee,

but they aren't here.

I can look around and feel that hole in my heart

where Charlie is missing,

or I can just keep moving forward

looking for a new Charlie.

Man, I hope he arrives soon.

Because I am kind of floundering.

And that was metaphorical.

Because I am happily married.

Most of the time.

On the Move

My brother recently sent me the pictures he took with his smart phone on the day we arrived in Utah.

Even though it's blurry, I loved this top one. It so typifies who I am. I am always on the move. I am always talking. I am a sentimental fool. I am wearing the necklace that Rita gave me before we left Tennessee. It says Trust in God. Or something along those lines. I love it. I am also just a tad bit crazy, as you can tell from my favorite bold printed dress and hair. I had slept in this outfit the night before. It wears well for 48 hours, don't you think?

Here is Abigail writing her last farewell to our beloved  TN.

I find it rather ironic that she left out the 2 in bye,

considering that my husband was raised in TN

and spelling wasn't his strongest suit either.

LG's car got trashed riding behind the moving truck through all the snow throughout the Vale, CO region.

Here are our new neighbors the Johnsons. They came over in their p.j.'s to say hello. Their oldest girls are the same ages as Sophia and Bella.

 I am not afraid to do a man's job. Even in a dress. That's why leggings were invented.

I thought twice about just getting one thing from the truck. We waited until the next day, as there was no telling what would be falling down on me when the door was lifted. We had a few casualties, but nothing major. Thanks to Scott Cruze and John McCombs who did a packing job that my dad was proud of. They followed my taunting and made that treadmill fit. I have no idea if it was damaged on the road. I haven't even tried to plug it in yet. It's as if the under-stairs closet was made just for treadmill storage. Who would ever run on a treadmill when they are surrounded by such beautiful mountains?

After three days on the road, the baby couldn't wait to get to her daddy. Who am I kidding? She always wants her daddy. It doesn't take three days on the road for her to act like this. Look at cousin Sierra in the background. She and Sophia resemble each other so much.

Boy was I happy to arrive. And to have not only my husband by my side again, but to have my dad there too. These two men, together, could accomplish anything...including making me smile after a very long road trip.