Hide Yo Girls

The other day Abigail was hanging out in her cami.

She kept trying to push it.

A few weeks ago, 

I told the girls they could wear their camis to bed

for comfort if they wanted.

LeGrand had enough and laid down the law.

"No more camis!

Before I know it,

you're going to be

wearing them outside too."

He told Abigail to go to her room and put on a shirt, "Now." She wasn't moving. He said, "You better get to it, or I am going to start stripping down right now, one piece of clothing at a time." I was cracking up. I told her to call dad on his bluff. There was no way he was going buck naked.

He got both his shirt off and his undershirt,

and took his belt off.

When he started unzipping his pants,

she ran off screaming

in horror.

I laughed and laughed and laughed.

LG put his shirts back on.

He was feeling all exposed,

especially since Abigail made fun of his bare body.

Or should I say bear body?

We don't believe in letting our daughters as hoochie mamas.
We want to keep them sweet and innocent for as long as possible: their whole lives preferably.

I was raised the same way. I am not going to lie. I hated it. As a teenager, I fought my parents on it daily. One time my mom tore a dress that I was wearing in two (right in front of my boyfriend) because she was sick of tired of me wearing things that were too short. (I hope my sister has forgiven me by now, it was her dress) I bought my own bikinis and wore them when my mom wasn't looking. I washed them myself and hid them away in the back of my drawers. I wanted to be like all the other girls. My brothers seemed pretty keen on making sure my sister and I dress modestly too, which we didn't understand because they were perfectly fine dating the girls who didn't really cover up. I now understand they were being protective.

And you know what? WE ABSOLUTELY SHOULD BE PROTECTIVE.

Some people may think that our modesty policy is a little absurd, but do you know what? I don't care.

While most of my girlfriends were having sex in high school and some ended up pregnant, I proudly stayed a virgin until I was married. I am glad that I did. I never regret that decision. Not a day in my life have I felt like I made the wrong choice. I want for my girls to be chaste and make the same choice to remain abstinent until they are married. And yes, dressing modestly has a direct correlation.


I love my sweet sweet girls.
I love that they are pretty good about dressing modestly.
They seem to get the principle that modesty provides protection.

I want them to love themselves for who they are
amazing daughters of God.
They truly can 
change the world
just by being 
a source of light.

The Art Fart

I really hope Sophia doesn't decide to read the blog today.

I do believe she'd die of embarrassment.

I must write though

because it's stories like this that I don't want to forget.

And I do forget.

I forget as early as next week if I don't write it down.

LG's been playing with new camera more than me. I love it.

We finally got Sophia into an art class.

She has shown a real propensity for art since she was a toddler,

and I am so grateful we finally have the means to help her along.

Check out her very first project.

I dare you to say she's anything less than a prodigy.

And now, here's a little art fart funny from Friday.
I went into the studio to tell Sophia that I was there to take her home.
She was happily working on a picture of SpongeBobSquarePants in colored pencil.
Next to her was the cutest boy about the same exact age
working on what looked like a tribal tattoo.
They were both having a blast doing the art thing while bantering back and forth.
It made this mom very happy to see Sophia in her element.
When you know something about your kid, you just know.
And I have always known that Sophia has the soul of an artist.

Minutes later Sophia bounds out to the car and we head home.
I zone out thinking about all I have to do
to get out the door that evening in time for
a friend's birthday party and a choral concert of my nephew at BYU.
All of the sudden Bella and Sophia are cracking up.
I ask them what was so funny.
Through fits of laughter they tell me.

Sophia - Nooooooo, don't tell her.
Bella - I have to. Sophia likes __________!! (I can't remember his name)
Me - (Not surprised in the least.) What' so funny about that?
Sophia - Nothing. Nothing.
Bella - Well, Sophia and _______ were messing around hitting each other and being silly.
Sophia - STOP! Bella don't tell her.
Bella - And then Sophia...
Sophia - (butting in because if the story is going to be told, she's going to tell it) We were just playing around, and all of the sudden I farted. It just came out. I couldn't help it.
Me - Oh my gosh, how embarrassing. Did you just die?
Bella - It gets worse mom.
Sophia - So then the teacher comes in and asks us if we need anything.
Bella - And _____________ says, "Do you have a clothespin?"
Me - Did it stink?
Sophia as red as a beat - "I guess so."

This may not seem funny to any of you, but it's moments like this when I just love being a mom. It is so fun to watch your kids grow up and become adults who are embarrassed by bodily functions.

Now, here is something to make it up to Sophia whenever she reads this story.
Sophia brought this home last year from school after the class all wrote down anonymous compliments.
She is one cool kid, even with the gassy gas.

And me, you ask?

How's the photography going?

Well, it's going when I squeeze in the time.

Here is one of my practice shots

while I was outside the art studio waiting on Sophia.

We are learning about aperture.

Photography is art.

Maybe I should leave it up to Sophia.

It's a lot more complicated then I expected.

(That's why I've dragged LG into the hobby,

he's my scientific go-to man.)

Check out my the website of my super cool teacher.

Here's a photo of another one of my cool kids.

She's taking a cooking class right now.

I've always known that Bella would grow up to be a beautiful cook.

Shooting action is more difficult

especially without the right lens

but here is our Abigail.

I always knew she'd grow up to be a soccer star.

Caroline.

Notice that she's reading dad a bed-time story.

At 6 pm.

That's how it goes around here.

Isn't he cute?

I do believe my car is in need of a wash.

And here is LG's latest project.

An expose about the life of a housewife.

Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning.

All the time.

Even on Sunday.

Race#3

Color Me Rad was so much fun.

I don't know if I can officially count this as one of my four races this year

as there were so many people, color, and chaos that it was impossible to run with full speed.

They don't time the race and we had to stop at every color station so I have no idea what my time really was. We did it in about 40 minutes, but there is no way I am counting that.

I had so much fun running with my sister.
She's a fitness guru and she ran circles around me,

but we had so much fun.

I was also glad to be joined by LG's cousin Grant and his wife Catherine.

We had a great time.

Beware to future race runners.

They should really rename the race to

Become an Avatar Race.

 

 

This Sh*z is Shilarious.

I have decided that I am really not that funny.
But I do know how to appreciate other funny people
so that has to count for something.

Enjoy.

Family Dance Night

Do you remember this ancient post about the family staying up all night to dance.
We couldn't afford to go to Chuck E Cheese and so we pulled out the old records.

Well now we can afford to go to Chuck E. Cheese but I believe I would rather
travel back in time and do this all over again.
I finally figured out how to post the video and these are so cute.
The girls have grown so fast but I am pleased to report that they still giggle just the same.
And they still think they can dance.

It started out slow. Very Lawrence Welk feeling slow.



Then we moved on to Bob Dylan's song on banjo.
Dad does some tapping and at the end the baby has to join in.


More with dad and baby. Puff the magic dragon.


Then dad goes a little crazy.


A little Beverly Hillbilly's. We were in TN after all.
We have some underwear malfunctioning.
This is when I hope that no sickos have found the blog.
But, if you sickos have found us, make sure you watch this one through
to see the man you will contend with if you come within 50 feet of our daughters.
And then know that I am about 800% more ferocious.


Now dad kindly introduces the two-step to our flapper girls.
Has anybody seen our girls?


And if you've been the loyal watcher,
you will be happy for this finale.
One final laugh for us all.


Good times. Good times.

Squashed Dinner Plans

Experts say that eating meals together as families have all kinds of benefits for everyone.
This article on CNN recently sited some of the best reason to eat dinner together.

1- Supper can be a stress reliever.
2- Kids might learn to love their veggies.
3- It's the perfect settings for new foods.
4- You control the portions.
5- Healthy meals mean healthy kids.
6- Family dinners help kids "just say no"
7- Better food, better report card.
8- Put a little cash in your pocket.

Recently, I tried out a new recipe for butternut squash soup. Shannon had served it at lunch and I enjoyed it so much I decided to make some for the family. You can find a close recipe here.

It was delicious. I slaved over it for hours. We sat down to dinner and everyone was instantly opposed to eating orange soup. Even my hubby wasn't too keen on the idea. He spooned it away and tried to pretend he loved it, but he wasn't fooling anyone.

So much for dinner being the perfect setting for trying new foods. CNN, you lie! My kids weren't learning to love their veggies that night. Everyone was more stressed. I hope it won't cause the girls to come home with bad report cards too.

I sat and enjoyed the soup while everyone else helped themselves to cereal. I gave a good sized take-home portion to our handyman who just happened to stop in at dinner to come to look at the furnace. He's a healthy kind of guy and was gracious. So gracious I thought about trading my family in for a second.

CNN, I would like to take this moment to give you a true benefit of butternut squash soup.
It's called "mom's gourmet lunch all to herself the next day."

And that my friends is how you make
lemonade out of lemons
or
soup out of squash.
Whichever you prefer.

ROFL

I have funny friends.

They make my facebook world wondrous.

Here are some great shares from this morning.

They are telling about American life.

 Even American Chinese food isn't always safe.

 Health departments nationwide

are having an influx of crazies and marital strife.

Cookie monster says get your own job

and pay for your own cookies.

Funny Politics

Dear Mitt Romney,

I know I helped you last time,

even though you never acknowledged it.

Not only did I tell 

Instapundit's readers

about my support,

but I gave you a whole whoppin $10

which I am sure was used ever so wisely,

seeing as how you can still

afford to campaign a second time around.

But since 2008,

I have become disenchanted with US politics.

So please tell your family members to stop

e-mailing me to ask me for money.

Thank you very much,

I'mSoFunnyatPolitics

I have always loved political cartoons.

Here are a few more current.

You can call these political photo pins.

This is a picture of one of the oldest politicians.
How he got his head up there upside down is beyond me.
Maybe it was decapitated by his constituents and then shoved back up.

Please feel free to share your funniest joke at any politician's expense.

Guest Post - Jarrett Ferguson Gold - Are Blondes Really Dumb?

It is against my better judgement to publish Jarrett's jibberish, but when a family member actually takes time to write something, you can't very easily turn it down, can you?

For the stories sake, you need to know.
I am Alice.(just in case you are blonde and have no idea who this blog belongs to)
LG is my husband.
Jarrett is LG's cousin.

Dam Post

Here are the photos
straight from my camera
in July.
They present our trip in July
back from California.

For some dam funny stuff,
read more.

Quite possibly the funniest photo of all time.

Go here for a real good laugh.

If you liked this, please come back
and become my 139 or 140th facebook liker.
You can even do it with one click on the sidebar.

Pretty please with sugar on top.

There may or may not be a prize involved.

And never make the mistake of leaving your cup on when the photographer shows up.
Or if you do, please share the result with the rest of us so we can laugh at you like you're an idiot.

Toilet Time

Great.
My hubby is now going
to really have a great excuse
as to why he spends
so much time on the toilet.
Am I the only woman with this complaint?

If fashion can make me laugh: I'm in.

Fashion: I don't get it.
I have a friend who runs this fashion blog.
Every day it astounds me that people
actually put clothes on and take pictures of themselves.
Sometimes multiple shots from different angles.
I guess it's the wardrobe equivalent of me
blogging every detail about my life on this little thing we call the blog.

Well this morning Sheila turned me on to a post
that is funny and fashionable.
Go and check it out.
You will never look at your accessories the same.
Thanks Sheila.

Music to my ears.

This funny video came to me as an e-mail forward from a great friend.
Valerie Ader is old enough to be my mother
so naturally she is really good at e-mail forwards.
I miss you Valerie. I need a walking partner. Move to Utah.

Anyway, it's good for a laugh and some inspiration simultaneously.
I am sure you are going to love it.
And thanks Val.
You always come through for me when I don't feel like writing!

Sooo Tennessee.

If this photo wasn't taken in Tennessee,

I would be very very surprised.

 

Looking at this photo,

I can't help think back to the beginning of our journey in Tennessee,

when I helped LG write his entrance exam for law school.

And remember when I confused Juris Doctorate for John Deere.

I wasn't born in the South, but I got there as quick as I could.

Life

Enjoy a humorous explanation of your life.

Edward Diggory and the House of Fashion.

Pinterest is pretty cool.

My boards are still under construction

but there are plenty more to enjoy.

Pinterest is where you find funny things like this:

Harry Potter kicks Edward's trash any given day.

This One's For the Boys (and Men)

The other day we were getting lunch ready
and I told Sophia to go ahead
and cut herself some cheese
from the big block of Cheddar.

(You already know where I am going with this, don't you?)

Mini Mommy

Lookee here.

Caroline is evidence

that

modeling works.

She blogs.

She talks on the phone.

She puts her baby to bed with a bottle.

(I have to wonder if 

she will put her toddler 

to bed with a bottle too?)

She wears lipstick.

AND

She walks around the house 

in her underwear.

I'm so flattered.

Don't miss the fireworks.

So, on Saturday night at 10 pm, LG and I were walking out of the temple.
Yes, this temple. How amazing is that?

From our view up on the hill, there were fireworks going off all over the valley. It was absolutely breathtaking.

LG informed me that The Stadium of Fire would be happening any moment. For some reason, in my mind, I thought that it was going to happen on the actual 4th.

I decided we should hurry home and find a spot to watch the fireworks.

To my dismay, when we got home, the kids had no interest whatsoever in breaking away from the TV.

I pried their bodies and eyes from the tube, and made them pile in the car. I was not about to miss the fireworks, especially after this post.

As we drove down State street (Utah Valley's version of Knoxville's Kingston Pike) I was overwhelmed by so many US flags lit up along the road. The patriotism of Utahns is not only efficacious but admirable. People either love America here or they display their stars and stripes to compete with all the other businesses. And by all, I mean ALL. Everyone has a flag. Everyone.

The kids were grumbling during the whole drive.
Why do we have to do this?
We don't want to watch the fireworks.
Let's just go back home.
wah wah wah.

I told them to keep their eyes on the flags and to sing along.
I started loud and strong:

This land is your land, this land is my land....nothing but my voice.
Oh beautiful, for spacious skies....again, nothing from the back seats.
She's a grand old flag, she's a high flying flag...."Shut up, mom."
God bless America...."Really, Alice, do you have to sing so loud?" said quietly by LG so the kids wouldn't hear; I'm assuming he didn't want to totally stomp on my love for country.
I'm proud to be an American....(even louder than before)

By this time the kids were all horrified and hating their mother and her motherland.

And guess what? By the time we got to Provo's end of State from our northern end of Orem's State, all we could see was traffic. The traffic was heading towards us, not with us.

Yes, I hate to tell you, Murphy's Law is still in full effect, and has no respect for a nation's holiday celebrated two days early or a very loud and song singing patriotic mother. We had missed the fireworks.

More grumbling, complaining, and whining ensued.

LG and I were not about to miss a good opportunity for teaching our kids.

Me: "Knock it off you guys, at least we still live in a country that has firework celebrations."
LG: "There are a lot of kids in this world that would die to be in this car right now."
Me: "Or to even have a car."
LG: "Or to have a mother."
Abigail: "Not if their mom sang like that."
Me: "Especially if their mom sang like that."
LG: "Yeah, think of all the kids out there that don't live a country where they have mothers." (O.k. I just made that up.) I think he really said, "You should be grateful for a mother who can sing, and cook, and do laundry."

Abigail: "At least parents in other countries would be smart enough NOT to drive their family into the middle of the traffic jam, especially when their family missed the show."
Me: "Well, at least there are other Americans with cars."
LG: "And at least your mom can see in the dark and drive."
Bella: "Mom, STOP!" (I admit it I barely missed that car in front of me.)

Anyhow, the conversation went on for a bit. And there was no chance of it stopping.
[In fact, it can still be happening if you want to comment what your best line would have been to the kids.]

Quietly, ever so quietly and with her Gold sense of perfect timing, Sophia chimes in. She must have looked up from reading Harry Potter for long enough to gather her sisters' desperation for winning at the "Be glad you are American" game.

What does she say?
Brace yourself.

"Man, I wished I lived in Canada."

Seven words. That's all it takes to make a total complete disaster of an evening all worth it.
Good one Phia. Good one.
Average Americans should really consider more than 2.5 kids; they make everything more fun.

I told the kids that if they would sing their favorite patriotic song at the top of their lungs, then I would indeed STOP.

Abigail was loud and proud. I wonder where she gets that from?
"I'm a yankee doodle dandy. A yankee doodle, do or die."

I am sure that all that traffic surrounding us was so grateful that they didn't miss the real entertainment of the evening as I rolled all windows down.

And If I do say so myself those frostys from Wendy's were the perfect consolation prize for everyone involved. Nothing like good old American food.

And when the song Firework came on the radio. I promise you, not just momma was singing. Even dad got in on the falsetto. Perfection, pure perfection.

We didn't miss a thing. The fireworks had been going off in our car all night long.



And guess what? Utah loosened their firework laws this year. We can now shoot off 150 foot rockets from our very own neighborhoods. And on the real 4th of July, the sky was lit up in every direction we could turn. Our culdesac of fire was a billion times better than their Stadium of Fire. Fireworks in the sky on all four sides, coming from everywhere.

God bless America.