Just say no to mom jousting.

I recently read this blog post
after it was shared several times
by my friends on facebook.
Rage Against the minivan wrote it.
Can I rage against the minivan too
even if I drive one?

This is my two cents today.
Parents don't have to tell other parents
what to do or not to do.
Parents have to grow a backbone
and tell their kids to NOT expect something
just because other kids have it.
This is the problem with our society in general.
Parents are all competing
instead of supporting each other.

Sometimes (actually all the time)
we just need to check out of the
Mormon mommy blogger culture.

"Oh, you throw huge themed parties for your kids,
well my kids must have that too."

You read 10 books every night.
You always have ironed clothes.
You have sterile bathrooms.
All your clothes are from Matilda Jane.
You have an elf on the shelf.
You have a 5 course meal every night?
Your kids are each in a music lesson, a sport, and a cultural extra-curricular...
and you have 10 boys and 5 girls?
You have a leprechaun that shows up for Christmas?

Do you see how it can become a really huge problem
when you try to do everything like everyone else?

No. No. No.
That's all it takes.

And guess what?
Your kids don't care.

Or they may care
and then when you say no
they'll figure it out for themselves.

Case in point.

This is Bella
pretending to be
a leprechaun
for Saint Patrick's Day.
She thought that
Caroline deserved some fun
that we didn't want to provide.

The Monster

Our baby monster is growing up way too fast.
This seems like a lifetime ago.

Silly

Sometimes life just calls for some silliness.
We all get way too serious.
I hope that when I die
my kids will remember
that their mom liked to have a good time.

I love to remember that about my parents.
No one loves a good water fight better
than my mom and dad.
They are known for even breaking them
out in the middle of dinner.

One time they got so
competitive
that my mom ended up
in the emergency room.
She had slipped and fell
and hit her head
on some bricks.
They had a hard
time convincing
the doc
that my dad
wasn't a wife-beater.

Just a week before
my nephew Braxton
died
a bunch of us
were at my parent's house.
Mom did her thing
and bought all kinds of
balls, silly string, hula-hoops,
and fun things
for the kids and adults alike.
I am so glad I have those memories

This photo of LG is pretty awesome.

of Braxton giggling and having fun.

Go to your local dollar store
and buy some silly string.
Store it away where the kids
won't find it.

Pull it out the next time
life gets tense.
You'll see why silly
is so vital
in all of our lives.
Your problems will melt away.

These photos were taken on Christmas Day.
Uncle Logan and Aunt Jill
were here too
but they don't like to be photographed.

Notice the covered bigscreen
and non-covered picture frames.
One minute of silly
is worth 5 minutes of clean-up.

Perhaps though my favorite
time of the day
was right before
the silly string fight commenced.
I found Abigail in her room
all dressed up in camoflauge
ready for the war.
It's moments like these
that I feel validated

in the fact
that I am teaching
my kids a little good.

PepTalk

Thanks to the kid-president
 for my pep-talk today.
I needed this.
Just two days ago I vowed to myself
to stay off facebook this week,
but right now I am really glad
that my self-will is weak
so that I could find this
in my hour of need.
Whenever I need a pep-talk
the most, it's always out there for me to find.

 

For the past week,
I've been venturing back
into the college world.
My meeting with my
English Department counselor
was discouraging.
I have to retake the ACT,
which scares this girl
with an extreme case of math/science
aversion to DEATH.
It's not like I did so smoking hot
the first time
and it is like I've been out of
school for 10 years.
Who knew an ACT expired?
Yes, I am that old.

To add an extra measure
of anxiety,
the aforementioned meeting
with the counselor
ran a little late
making me 10 minutes
late to pick up Caroline
from pre-school.
I had to use some of
my very protected blogging money
to buy the pre-school teacher
a gift-card to go along
with my begging for forgiveness.

You see, she had loaded up Caroline
in her car so she could
take her daughter to kindergarten
as I was that late.
Lucky for me
our vans converged at the
end of her street
and I was able to fetch Caroline
before she was whisked away
from my knowledge.
Whereas my total nervous
breakdown was avoided by a hair,
but left me second guessing
my decision to go back to college.
How can a mom of 4
ever pull this off?
Really it seems impossible.
It seems too insane to even attempt.
My plates are already overflowing
like thanksgiving at 2 p.m.
Do I really want to add pie
before I've had time
for the rest to digest?

But the kid president came to my rescue.
For which I am grateful.
I can do this.
Yes I can.
I'm gonna dance myself
all the way through
to that very coveted Bachelor Degree.
Or at least pretend
it's dancing
when it really will be me
running around
like a chicken with my head cut off.
Come to think of it,
that's kind of what my dancing looks like
anyways
might as well get something for it.

Mustache you about those beards

While having cream of wheat in the kitchen Thursday morning, 

here was the conversation.

Caroline (in her alarmed voice): "Mom, we have beards again."

Me: (referring to the photos on the wall) "Who did that?"

Caroline: "Abigail."

Me (laughing): "Why would she do that?"

Caroline (in all seriousness): "Because she's a brat!"

I have loved these photos in our dining room.

They have given us a whole lot of entertainment.

One of my favorite times was when I noticed

that the kids had switched the order of the photos

so that they read

Ice-cream is better than your love.

I guess that would be an honest statement

depending on whether or not

you have an available bowl of ice-cream.

Funniest part is that by the time

this busy mom noticed

the kids swear they had been rearranged for

at least a month.

Maybe ice-cream is better than my love.

Sometimes I am too busy serving my family

that I forgot to stop and make sure they know

that I love them dearly.

The Art of Trading Candy

First you must sort the candy.

Then you go for the jugular.

Offer up their very most favorite.

Sophia's happens to be lemonheads.

And Bella happens to be a stealth

BatGirl.

Here is a VERY funny guide.

Dear people

I know I am a blog slacker.

I've been blogging for food.

Literally.

I started working as a social media guru

for a local business.

Not sure if they want me to tell the world

over the internet

that I am their go-to gal,

but they give me free freezer meals.

It's awesome.

Steak, shrimp, gourmet stuff

in exchange for my internet savvy.

Totally awesome.

Anyhow, I am sorry my bloggy friends.

I love you

and 

I miss you.

I just dug into my drafts 

to try and find something

to give you.

Throw you a bone,

so you won't completely give up on me.

Here's a goodie from Sophia.

My kids are serious about their soda.

When they buy it with their own money

they don't want people backwashing in it.

I love my kids more than ever.

I love my husband more than ever.

They make me laugh,

and I am sad that I am not sharing that on here as much.

Because I will forget it

if I don't write it.

I won't forget that I love them

but I will forget the ways that they make me laugh.

I just want to let you all know that

if you improve in one area of your life

 you are bound to revert in others.

I have been doing really good at running.

I've lost about 30 pounds since November.

I have been doing really good with working.

(I have two part-time jobs)

I have been doing pretty good in the marriage department.

I have even been a half-way decent mom.

I potty trained Caroline.

I have bought myself some things,

grown out my hair, 

and told myself how much I love myself

every day.

And I am even starting to believe me.

I have accomplished some of my new year's resolutions:

camping extravaganza, 

attend temple monthly, 

waking up with LG,

staying under budget,

but I have slacked in others:

read 54 books 

(I am way behind,

and really hopeful that 

I can crank them out this summer by the pool)

I have really been slacking with my spirituality.

My prayers and scripture study have not been where I want them to be.

My service to others outside my family hasn't been enough.

My joy in church service hasn't been where I need it.

It's not that I am not doing these things at all,

it's just that as I have added in more of other things,

I haven't given it the same dedication

and I miss it.

One thing I learned in the South is to

GIVE MYSELF GRACE.

So I do.

But one of these days

I will be the whole package.

One of these days,

dear people.

But, really,

with giving myself grace,

I am doing magnificently.

Never been better.

Or happier.

Or healthier.

or pleased with myself.

Glory to God

for strengthening me

in all areas of my life,

just sometimes I have to choose which one.

If you want to read more

about how God strengthens us

go here.

So powerful.

and true.

Little Orphan Annie

While I was growing up,

my sisters and I loved Little Orphan Annie.

We didn't just like it, we were obsessed with it.

I guess we kind of wished we had a Daddy Warbucks too.

Even though we had great parents,

we wanted Daddy Warbucks' house.

And Pun-jab.

We also wanted to dance like that

and sing like that.

One thing bothered me about the movie though.

I know, I can only think of one thing. Weird.

Little Orphan Annie's rat tail.

Imagine my surprise when Caroline was sportin' the same "do" last night.

I cringed all up inside.

My little girl Alice wanted to brush it and make it right.

Yeah, I am weird.

And a little obsessive.

Even orphans deserve good hair.

Especially if they are on TV.

This video is for my little sister Renee.

I want her to know that I finally forgive her

for placing the VHS Annie in the VCR

with peanut butter all over her hands.

And like Annie taught,

there is always tomorrow.

And this tomorrow we will be watching Annie on DVD.

And the next tomorrow we may even have Blu-Ray.

Did I tell you my new secret obsession?
I want to make Caroline famous.
She deserves to be the modern day Shirley Temple.
She is sooo dang cute.

If we dyed her hair red she could play Rosie.
And if LG lost 80 pounds and grew his hair out he could sooo be Matt Damon.
I guess Abigail will have to play Scarlett Johansen
since I am nowhere near close.
Man, all we need is a zoo.
See it always goes back to Daddy Warbucks.


(We loved the movie by the way,
but beware there is a lot of language)

Redneck Caroline

We've been having all kinds of fun with our four new idevices.

We are so grateful to LG for spoiling us rotten this Christmas.

Abigail and I got i phones

and

Sophia and Bella got i pod touches.

The girls now sit right across from each other

facetiming one another

like they no longer know how to have a conversation without a device in between them.

We are all glued to our screens.

We have everything at our fingertips at all times:

free music, games, books, notepads, cameras, dictionary, google.

You name it, it's in there.

It has been absolutely ridiculous how much we already rely on these things.

We have even adjusted our family scripture study around them.

We now have the kids read a chapter ahead of time,

on their i device, of course, 

because that somehow makes it much more fun than the regular paper Bible.

They make notes on their gospel library app as they read.

We then get together and discuss what everyone learned.

It is awesome.

Totally awesome.

Our scripture study has never been better.

We are truly likening the scriptures to our own lives.

I have been floored at the insight our kids have gained.

If I would have known what would have transformed from getting

i stuff, I would have done it a long time ago.

Of course, we have also been having a lot of fun.

Check out the juicyfruit sweet talk app.

Hilarious.

Absolutely hilarious.

Please disregard my overly obnoxious laugh at the end.

Never Dull

My kids crack me up all the time.

I found this today while cleaning.

Bella helped me a ton with Caroline at Target the other day.

We were really searching for a new basketball,

but you always have to take a moment or two to try out the merchandise.

And don't forget your helmet.

Mom + Dad

Perfectly sound math skills,
if you want to know my opinion.

Notice crazzy has two z's.
You may be worried about her
mastering of the English language,
but I assure you both z's are necessary
for all the sleep I am losing
at the hands of this child.

Family Dance Night

Do you remember this ancient post about the family staying up all night to dance.
We couldn't afford to go to Chuck E Cheese and so we pulled out the old records.

Well now we can afford to go to Chuck E. Cheese but I believe I would rather
travel back in time and do this all over again.
I finally figured out how to post the video and these are so cute.
The girls have grown so fast but I am pleased to report that they still giggle just the same.
And they still think they can dance.

It started out slow. Very Lawrence Welk feeling slow.



Then we moved on to Bob Dylan's song on banjo.
Dad does some tapping and at the end the baby has to join in.


More with dad and baby. Puff the magic dragon.


Then dad goes a little crazy.


A little Beverly Hillbilly's. We were in TN after all.
We have some underwear malfunctioning.
This is when I hope that no sickos have found the blog.
But, if you sickos have found us, make sure you watch this one through
to see the man you will contend with if you come within 50 feet of our daughters.
And then know that I am about 800% more ferocious.


Now dad kindly introduces the two-step to our flapper girls.
Has anybody seen our girls?


And if you've been the loyal watcher,
you will be happy for this finale.
One final laugh for us all.


Good times. Good times.

You are mean.

Our girls bicker from time to time.
Here is the evidence.

I hate it when they bicker

and call each other names.

Especially when they are right

in their accusations.

There are worse things in the world
than raising a kid who is bullied.
Like raising a bully.

Oh no, I have one of each.
Now what do I do?

Adieu Nutella Cookies

So the other day, while I am making myself some Nutella cookies, Caroline walks into the kitchen. She is stark naked and holds a diaper in her hand. She is repeating, "poopy, mommy, poopy" and "I get in shower with Bella."

I put down the cookie-scooper and run over to discover that the girl is a genius. Yes, there is poopy in her diaper and yes she had somehow taken it off and carried it to me. I hurry and discard the diaper while simultaneously grabbing a hold of Caroline so she doesn't sit anywhere or touch anything.

Wolverine through and through

For you readers who aren't familiar
with Utah,
last week was The Holy War.
That means that the holier than thou team BYU
got spanked by the rebellious Utah Utes.

I have a few suggestions for the team's improvement,
inspired by photos of my kids and their cousins.

Quite possibly the funniest photo of all time.

Go here for a real good laugh.

If you liked this, please come back
and become my 139 or 140th facebook liker.
You can even do it with one click on the sidebar.

Pretty please with sugar on top.

There may or may not be a prize involved.

And never make the mistake of leaving your cup on when the photographer shows up.
Or if you do, please share the result with the rest of us so we can laugh at you like you're an idiot.

The Magic We Call Harry Potter

Recently, when pressed on the issue,
I decided that
magic
is my favorite word.

Magic.
It describes how I feel about the love I share with my husband.
It perfectly defines anything that is too cool to be described.
It is the noun that says how I feel about my kids.
Magic.
Is it one of those cool words
that is not only a noun,
but a verb too!

I magic'd on over to her house in two seconds flat.
While playing basketball, he magic'd around the other player, all the way to the hoop

Months ago, two of my magical children
decided that JK Rowling
missed a few vital spells
when she wrote her masterpiece Harry Potter.
How she missed these in all seven books of her series I do not know.
But without further delay,
it is time for all the spells to be known.

And because I am so looking forward
to my upcoming Harry Potter extravaganza
I find it a perfect time to share:

Freeze a Thing
Polka Dot A Kus
Dogga Loc Us
Go Away Kus
Go To Sleep Us
Throw Up Ist
Zip Lips (You know with this mom, they need this one every day)
Water Cause
Fire Cause

Doggalocus is my favorite.
Here is one of my kids' favorite YouTube videos of all time:



Just now, while watching the video
Me to Abigail:
Why do you think Dumbledore is naked?
Abigail: (laughing)
I don't know, because he is gay.

Yes, we are all about the magic around here.
We know every bit of Harry Potter trivia known to mankind.
And, we even make up our own.

Comebackacus.
Readalottamore.
Lovethisbloga.

What's your best attempt at a vital spell?
I was thinking
laundrydonanow.

Oh, and I need your opinion?
Should LG and I dress up like

Arthur and Molly Weasley?

or
Vernon and Petunia Dursley?

Or maybe
LG could be Vernon
and I could Molly.
Oh the scandal, we would be at the party.

Mini Mommy

Lookee here.

Caroline is evidence

that

modeling works.

She blogs.

She talks on the phone.

She puts her baby to bed with a bottle.

(I have to wonder if 

she will put her toddler 

to bed with a bottle too?)

She wears lipstick.

AND

She walks around the house 

in her underwear.

I'm so flattered.

Don't miss the fireworks.

So, on Saturday night at 10 pm, LG and I were walking out of the temple.
Yes, this temple. How amazing is that?

From our view up on the hill, there were fireworks going off all over the valley. It was absolutely breathtaking.

LG informed me that The Stadium of Fire would be happening any moment. For some reason, in my mind, I thought that it was going to happen on the actual 4th.

I decided we should hurry home and find a spot to watch the fireworks.

To my dismay, when we got home, the kids had no interest whatsoever in breaking away from the TV.

I pried their bodies and eyes from the tube, and made them pile in the car. I was not about to miss the fireworks, especially after this post.

As we drove down State street (Utah Valley's version of Knoxville's Kingston Pike) I was overwhelmed by so many US flags lit up along the road. The patriotism of Utahns is not only efficacious but admirable. People either love America here or they display their stars and stripes to compete with all the other businesses. And by all, I mean ALL. Everyone has a flag. Everyone.

The kids were grumbling during the whole drive.
Why do we have to do this?
We don't want to watch the fireworks.
Let's just go back home.
wah wah wah.

I told them to keep their eyes on the flags and to sing along.
I started loud and strong:

This land is your land, this land is my land....nothing but my voice.
Oh beautiful, for spacious skies....again, nothing from the back seats.
She's a grand old flag, she's a high flying flag...."Shut up, mom."
God bless America...."Really, Alice, do you have to sing so loud?" said quietly by LG so the kids wouldn't hear; I'm assuming he didn't want to totally stomp on my love for country.
I'm proud to be an American....(even louder than before)

By this time the kids were all horrified and hating their mother and her motherland.

And guess what? By the time we got to Provo's end of State from our northern end of Orem's State, all we could see was traffic. The traffic was heading towards us, not with us.

Yes, I hate to tell you, Murphy's Law is still in full effect, and has no respect for a nation's holiday celebrated two days early or a very loud and song singing patriotic mother. We had missed the fireworks.

More grumbling, complaining, and whining ensued.

LG and I were not about to miss a good opportunity for teaching our kids.

Me: "Knock it off you guys, at least we still live in a country that has firework celebrations."
LG: "There are a lot of kids in this world that would die to be in this car right now."
Me: "Or to even have a car."
LG: "Or to have a mother."
Abigail: "Not if their mom sang like that."
Me: "Especially if their mom sang like that."
LG: "Yeah, think of all the kids out there that don't live a country where they have mothers." (O.k. I just made that up.) I think he really said, "You should be grateful for a mother who can sing, and cook, and do laundry."

Abigail: "At least parents in other countries would be smart enough NOT to drive their family into the middle of the traffic jam, especially when their family missed the show."
Me: "Well, at least there are other Americans with cars."
LG: "And at least your mom can see in the dark and drive."
Bella: "Mom, STOP!" (I admit it I barely missed that car in front of me.)

Anyhow, the conversation went on for a bit. And there was no chance of it stopping.
[In fact, it can still be happening if you want to comment what your best line would have been to the kids.]

Quietly, ever so quietly and with her Gold sense of perfect timing, Sophia chimes in. She must have looked up from reading Harry Potter for long enough to gather her sisters' desperation for winning at the "Be glad you are American" game.

What does she say?
Brace yourself.

"Man, I wished I lived in Canada."

Seven words. That's all it takes to make a total complete disaster of an evening all worth it.
Good one Phia. Good one.
Average Americans should really consider more than 2.5 kids; they make everything more fun.

I told the kids that if they would sing their favorite patriotic song at the top of their lungs, then I would indeed STOP.

Abigail was loud and proud. I wonder where she gets that from?
"I'm a yankee doodle dandy. A yankee doodle, do or die."

I am sure that all that traffic surrounding us was so grateful that they didn't miss the real entertainment of the evening as I rolled all windows down.

And If I do say so myself those frostys from Wendy's were the perfect consolation prize for everyone involved. Nothing like good old American food.

And when the song Firework came on the radio. I promise you, not just momma was singing. Even dad got in on the falsetto. Perfection, pure perfection.

We didn't miss a thing. The fireworks had been going off in our car all night long.



And guess what? Utah loosened their firework laws this year. We can now shoot off 150 foot rockets from our very own neighborhoods. And on the real 4th of July, the sky was lit up in every direction we could turn. Our culdesac of fire was a billion times better than their Stadium of Fire. Fireworks in the sky on all four sides, coming from everywhere.

God bless America.

Guest Post - Lynnae

Lynnae Boyer Weller is a close family friend.

She writes eloquently at Life's Little Parables.

And she wrote up this guest post in a day.

Did I tell you she is awesome?

More like family really.

She, like all of her other family members, 

are always good for a laugh or 100.

I blogged about her mother's laugh here.

I sure do miss it still.

But, Nancy's laugh most definitely lives on in her children.

As evidenced by this awesome guest post.

My little family has a long history with wolves. We have a very small zoo where we live, but It's biggest exhibit is the wolves. When my daughter was 3, we visited the zoo and watched the wolves from an observation deck. The deck is open air and keeps you about 8 feet above the ground level. One wolf apparently thought my daughter would be a tasty treat. He trotted right over, sat down in front of her, and started licking his lips. He kept staring at her and licking his lips until we left! Needless to say, I kept a very tight hand on her that visit!

Since then, the zoo built a nice building you can go in to observe the wolves on ground level through a large, thick window. The first time we went there, one of the wolves apparently took a disliking to my son. The wolf saw him through the window and tried to urinate on him! Seriously disgusting, wolf!

Speaking of disgusting things that wolves do, my daughter, who is now 7, had the opportunity to see a presentation on wolves with one of her friends. She learned when a wolf makes a large kill, and is unable to take it back to the den, the wolf will urinate on the meat to "mark" it as his own. All the kids in the crowd were completely disgusted. However, my daughter thought about it for a minute and said, "Well, actually, it's just like he's putting his own sauce on it!"

I guess that disgusting wolf was just trying to put some sauce on my son!