Journal entry

This photo has been sitting in my draft-box waiting for

some commentary and a publish button.

I think it speaks for itself.

My kids are hilarious.

You will have to guess which one wrote this.

Also, I do believe it is a great argument

for the therapeutic benefits of journal writing.

January 17, 2012

Today I lost the spelling bee

and drawing in my notebook

which happened to bee the only

thing that got my mind

off of the spelling bee

WHICH I WILL NOT

BE IN!!!! :( And mad

girls are way! meaner than any boy

in any place no matter how strong or

evil they are. And little 10 year

old mad girls are the 

WORST! Which I happen

to be one 10 year old girl.

And of course,

the best part of the whole thing

was the misspell on

bee.

It's an even greater read when

you personally know the angry girls

who were also beat out of their chance

at spelling bee bragging rights.

Those bragging rights are a big deal in Utah.

Oops, I just tagged the guilty party. lol

At least now when I look back on this

in 10 minutes,

when I don't remember my kids' handwriting

I will remember who own this masterpiece.

I love being a mom.

How hot are you?

I know you've all been missing the church signs.

Lucky me, there is one church in all of Utah County with a church sign. It's never as entertaining as those in the south, but this one kind of got me thinking.

I look to you

I love this song. It's an old Whitney Houston number
and was recently redone on Glee.
After hearing it on my i-pod yesterday,
I've been searching it out on youtube.
I want to send it to my brother
who recently lost his son Braxton.
(I can't type that last sentence
without my eyes welling up in tears)

I've been through some hard things in my life.
I've been diagnosed with a mental illness,
I've lived through serious poverty,
I've come within a hair from losing my marriage,
I've experienced cruel prejudices,
I've struggled with my weight,
and I've lost people I've loved.

But right now nothing hurts more than Braxton.
Even though I didn't spend as much time
with him as I would have preferred
(due to living in poverty half a world away
in Tennessee for a decade)
I loved that kid.
He was a complex mixture of the best of his mom and dad.
He was so compassionate (mom) and determined (dad).
He was so funny (dad) yet smart (mom).
Ha ha. O.k. he could have gotten both of those from both of his parents.
He had an infectious smile (mom and dad).
He was the life of the party (his aunt ali) :)
He was and is such a good kid.
The kind of kid that anyone would be proud to call their own.

We all love and miss him so,
and are left with such a huge hole in our hearts,
as we try to make sense of his passing.

I worry for my brother and his family every day,
and I simultaneously try to soothe my own pain.
Every day I send my brother a little message on facebook
to uplift, inspire, strengthen, and happy-make.
It's been amazing to me how much that little act has been the best balm for me.
Sometimes I end up searching online for hours for just the right thing,
but for those hours I am finding little gems to my own soul.

Like this song.
Wow.
What a great reminder to where we need to look.
In all our troubles.
I can honestly say that God is the only way I've survived.
And I proudly say that I have done more than survive.
I have flourished under his tutelage.

I love this singer's journey to her own health.
It really does boil down to the fact
"I can do all things through God whom strengtheneth me."
I know that if my brother and his family know anything,
it is to look to God for their strength.
They do such an amazing job at it.
I'm so grateful they have their God.
And I am so grateful that they are my constant reminder
to look to Him too.